Timeline

[iamwhoiam27]

I see so many posts on here where people say others have rushed into blending families etc. So I'm curious to know how long people think is a reasonable time...
To meet children
To stay overnight with children there
To move in
To remarry

Met 8 years ago
Him 41
Me 46
Me 4 dc ( 24/ 21/ 13 and 7)
Him no dc
Him never married
Me previously married 24 years
Dated for one year before he met dc
During this year he knew I had dc but I didn't discuss anything about them as at this point he was dating me not my dc
At 1 year he met them briefly and had an impromptu coffee
Following 3 years when he came to collect me for date night I would ask my sons permission for him to come in and he always gave it to me.
He would help me pick out what to wear and dd helped with jewellery etc we made it fun
After a couple of years this progressed to a conversation with both dc (then around 15 and 10) and I asked their permission for my partner to stay over sometimes. Each time he stayed I continued to check in with them prior to him coming.
I was absolute in my commitment to not invite him into our home (but would continue to see him) if my dc didn't feel comfortable.
Partner and my dc formed the most amazing mutually respectful relationship. They started to really like him (esp his fast car!)
Both included fully in conversations re next step's.

Family holidays / get togethers etc became something we would all go to.
Fast forward two years ago ... partner asked ds (then 19) for his permission to ask to marry me. DS (all 6ft by now) cried apparently and have is his blessing.
DS walked me down the aisle last year and I felt so incredibly proud of how we'd got there. It was so special.
Not for everyone I appreciate, but I'm very old school and was very clear that my children led the way with this.
All 4 adore DH and they honestly go to him more than their birth father .
He has been such a solid a good influence on their lives and I feel so incredibly lucky x

That's amazing. I'm so glad it's all worked out for you.

I met my DP 4.5 years ago. I have two DC (13 and 9 now), he has none (he wanted kids but his previous partner couldn't have children). He met my two after 7 months but would only see them maybe once a fortnight for an hour or so for the first year. After being together for about 3 years he started staying over once every few months. Not he stays over once a fortnight but they see him a couple of times week and we've been on holiday together.
We're looking to all move in together in the next year.
Lots of people told me I was being ridiculously slow but I believe it is the reason things have gone so well.

I met my BF's daughter after only a couple of months but we'd both known each other for a while, she'd met me once before we were dating, she accidentally rumbled us being in a relationship before he'd have told her, I don't have kids and we're both old enough that there will be no more babies. So I guess it's a bit less complicated than some situations.
I've stayed at his while she's been there since not long after and we've done trips out together but not been away for the night together yet (it's been nearly a year).
No talk of moving in together yet and we definitely won't be getting married ever.

I honestly didn't realise how many people decided to take it nice and slow until I came onto this forum. I've always been around situations where it happened a lot quicker. Some with success and others without.

The big risk in moving too quickly with bringing a new partner into children's lives is - obviously - that you don't know if the relationship is going to last. The impact of a new person coming into their lives and them forming a relationship, then that person leaving their lives can be awful on those children.

My partner was (like me) a teacher, but she worked in primary. She once overheard a ten year old say to his friend, "We've got a new dad." The friend asked what the new dad's name was and then said "Oh, he's all right - we've had him."

It makes sense.
By step parent, I mean being part of my DC’s lives which is quite a broad definition, I think, and would lead then to the question of how do things progress.
It has been nice to stick my toe back in the dating waters, but that may well be as far as it goes, time will tell. I am probably still working through this in my own mind.