Different homes different rules - AIBU?

[2025letsmakeitthebest]

Sc is here eow and my children are here 90% of the time.
My dc have a console and an iPad plus their normal toys.
Sc has an iPad, their own tv and lots of toys!
Sc has complied to their mum as they 'only' have an iPad.
This comes across to me as really ungrateful.
Sc has 3 consoles, an iPad and a mobile phone at mums house and is only 6 years old!
Only child so totally spoilt.
When sc comes over here they are treated the same as my children. No fizzy drinks which they have complained about too!
Am I being totally unreasonable here? Expecting sc to have the same rules in this house as my own dc.

He had a fully functioning smart phone for his 6th birthday. With no restrictions etc and access to adult things. I won't allow that in our house as my 10 year old doesn't have a phone and that's our house rules.

This is exactly the kind of rule that should stay different in each house. Not everything can be consistent for sc. But being flexible on small things like a fizzy drink will make alot of difference to mental well-being without really causing any harm to your DC.

No if course they won't.. I am guessing though that some of the people responding aren't in the same situation or are the parent that doesn't have other stepkids in their home.

Just to add we do allow sc a fizzy drink on occasions. Maybe once a month or special occasions we do allow fizzy drinks. Sc mum expects it all weekend every weekend which won't be happening.

Totally agree.

It isn't as though your DH is telling her what to do at hers in the same way she has no say at yours (beyond if there was a safety issue).

We had similar when DSS 3 years younger than mine insisted his bedtime was 10pm when my child's was 9pm. So it was 9pm for both. Mummy lets me stay up until 10. Good for her would be our response. In this house it is 9. (As agreed with DH too)

in agreement with the OP if you read her posts

Well of course you can’t expect them to have the same amount of toys etc there BUT it is also totally unreasonable to pass judgement about screen time at the mums house when she clearly is the primary carer.

as a non-spoilt only child, I can see that children with older siblings appear to grow up quicker than those without - mainly because they are surrounded by technology and entertainment aimed at the older age group. I see it in my child’s class. There is often a more relaxed approach to subsequent children. Fairness and equality do not always mean the same thing, if the 6 year old gets to do more than your 10 year old at the same age thats isn’t exactly a big deal if it is safe and the adults agree.

yes your house your rules but also pick your battles. The 6 year old will be very aware that his step siblings have is dad for a lot longer than he does. Don’t underestimate that even if the behaviour displays in different ways (including being spoilt).

and also don’t forget - he is only 6.

I think rules for kids should generally be age based. And the parent should enforce them where possible.

I disagree with many of the responses here.

SC is 6. 6yos don't need console time. Maybe a bit of age-appropriate TV or playing a bit with an older sibling but that's it.

What 6yo-appropriate activities is his dad doing with him? Getting him out to the park, the playground, soft play? Baking, drawing, doing crafts?

Of course it's fine for the older kids to have stuff and do stuff that's not age-appropriate for him. Teens I'd let them do pretty much what they like subject to a minimum level of involvement in family life, I'd impose some limits for the 11yo. But the 6yo should be doing different stuff and interacting with his dad if bored.

6 year old is taken to the park and for walks and the beach etc. also encouraged to play with toys that he's had plenty of for Xmas and birthday. He doesn't seem interested in anything other than screen time as it's all he has at his mums by the sound of it. He has a screen time limit of 2 hours on his iPad the same as my kids did at that age. My youngest is 10 and will play her iPad but also go off and crafts or play Lego etc.

Having different rules between houses is fine.

Having different rules between children based on age is also fine. 6 is very different to 10, why would the rules be identical, regardless of the blended family aspect?

6 year olds don’t need to be on consoles, they definitely don’t need their own.

His mother could perhaps do with leaning less heavily on screens when she should be parenting.

This is exactly what I mean. To have suggested he's unhappy here because he doesn't have a console was silly. When I met sc 3 years ago he'd only been to the park a handful of times. He'd never used a balance bike or a scooter. He was scared of trampolines and climbing in the park.
With my encouragement these are all things he's learnt to do. I'm shocked and saddened that his own parents never did these things with him.
He has a mid sleeper here with a lovely den I've set up underneath. Lots of toys for imaginative play. Lots of books. A tv with a beanbag to snuggle on. Then the addition of the iPad with a 2 hour limit which I and his dad feel is plenty for his age.
I think she has been quick to try and buy his happiness. In the space of 18 months he's been bought a new tablet, a phone, an Xbox, a Nintendo ds and a brand new switch. I don't get why one 6 year old needs all that purchased in such a short space of time. I fear he will never learn to appreciate things or get excited for things as he grows up as he has it all now.