Different homes different rules - AIBU?

[2025letsmakeitthebest]

Sc is here eow and my children are here 90% of the time.
My dc have a console and an iPad plus their normal toys.
Sc has an iPad, their own tv and lots of toys!
Sc has complied to their mum as they 'only' have an iPad.
This comes across to me as really ungrateful.
Sc has 3 consoles, an iPad and a mobile phone at mums house and is only 6 years old!
Only child so totally spoilt.
When sc comes over here they are treated the same as my children. No fizzy drinks which they have complained about too!
Am I being totally unreasonable here? Expecting sc to have the same rules in this house as my own dc.

Your "rule"seems to be that a child has a console and iPad.
So apply it
So get him a console or he shares with your dc
Do they need separate consoles?
Can he bring one from his mothers s house?

You're not applying same rules/perks for the kids in your own home though?

Definitely your house your rules. Whether that's tech, sitting at the table, bedmaking etc.

Is the console your DC have a shared/family one? If so they share it too. A 6 year old shouldn't need one for their sole use. If their mother thinks it is an issue then 6 year old can bring theirs with them when they come over.

Consoles seem to be the thing for kids. The games are better than iPads and they can chat to their friends. I know my kids would be annoyed at not having console time at the weekend.

It sounds like SC has less at you house than your other kids do though?
Of course they might miss the toys and games they have at their mum's. But they should all be having the same when at your house.
They'll get used to it. Everyone knows each house has different rules. When I was six I knew I wasn't going to get pepperami and itv cartoons at my friends house who's family where Buddhist vegans. But I didn't complain.

Surely they bring one console with them?

No you're not unreasonable for expecting them all to follow the same rules.

You can't expect a 6 year old that thinks the rules are silly not to complain about them though.

Not in my house stuff like that never switched. What happens if it's damaged or broken, who pays for it? That leads to all sorts of mess.

If you want different house different rules and them to be treated the same as your children then that means exactly that. If there is no variation from what you allow, expect for your kids then it means the same for them. Irrelevant of the time they spend in the home. So bikes, consoles, clothes etc goes along with house rules for everyone.

Sc mum has suggested they bring one of their older consoles to ours which we are going to do.
Do people expect a child who is here every other weekend to have the same amount of toys as a child that lives here 90% of the time!

Is it specific toys though? Like the console?

I should also add my youngest is 4 years older than sc and in our house children don't have a console that young!

Is it really worth drama over?
I'd get the younger child something age appropriate and have a happier household.

He’s your dp’s child. What does he think?

YABU for the sweeping statement that only children are spoilt.

Also, where is your partner in all this?

Sorry that wasn't aimed at all only children at all.
I'm just saying this one is.

Where is their dad in all of this?

Dh agrees that sc has things that are not age appropriate at the mums house.
We try and get out with the children and avoid too much screen time whereas she is happy to have him in front of a screen all day long. She is also happy for him to have fizzy drinks from the age of 5 whereas our house that's not allowed.

The thing is if that used console gets broken you/dh will be expected to replace with a new one.... Why not remove your dc's console and play family board games when ds is there instead? 6yo don't need consoles...

I would expect your children to share the console with him when he is at your house just as I would if they had friends over. It does seem unfair. He will see them playing with it and feel left out. Do they ever play together

My youngest is 10 and very rarely uses her console. She had a cheap second hand switch lite. So 99% of the time when sc is there she is using her iPad.
Sc has his own iPad which I provided for him.
I think he is jealous of my middle child using an Xbox to play online with friends but he is 13 so he gets more freedom due to his age.
I wouldn't give my 10 year old the same things as my 13 year old so the rules have carried down to sc.

Ah in that case, (and thank you for being fair on the only child statement), I think different rules in different houses are fine.

Opposing parenting styles contributed to the end of my marriage. My DC have always had different rules at each house, quite opposite in fact. They are 18 now, it's been fine.

@Whoarethoseguys
My youngest and sc play together lots with toys and yes we do things like family board games, family films and walks etc. I don't feel at 6 years old sc is ready for the things mine have. If I give him something at a younger age than mine had it then that's not true to our family 'rules' or true to our parenting style.
He had a fully functioning smart phone for his 6th birthday. With no restrictions etc and access to adult things. I won't allow that in our house as my 10 year old doesn't have a phone and that's our house rules.

@Berga
Thank you for this. I had split parents and different rules and routines for each house.
Exw is expecting things to be the same here as at hers and that just doesn't work. There are 3 other children here to consider too and it has to be fair for them all.
As I said previously, Exw has said he can bring his small handheld older console over here so hopefully that will make it seem a bit more fair for him. But we will continue to encourage less screen time and more fresh air and outside time.

while your house your rules makes sense, it is also a good idea to discuss rules with the co-parent so the child has as much consistency as possible. It wouldn’t hurt your DC, for example, if you allowed them 1 fizzy drink every other weekend so their step-sibling could have consistency between homes.

It shouldn’t be a pissing contest, it should be more what is best for a child that is being forced to live in two homes because of the actions of his parents. Children need familiar routines and consistency in the treats and toys they can expect on the weekend.

Can his father seek longer contact time?