What should my partner do?

[lostandconfused0011]

Hi, sorry I am not completely around all the acronyms so hopefully this makes sense.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 1 year. He separated from his ex wife nearly 10 (yes ten) ago and they have two teenage children (13).

I have not met the children yet as they live a few hours away and he only has them one or two nights every fortnight plus a bit more during different school holidays.

He told his ex-wife of our relationship maybe 3 months after we started seeing each other. I understand she had asked him a few times previously if he was involved with anyone but he'd said no, it was still new and we didn't know where it would go. Anyway she had flipped out and accessed his phone and messages between us and all hell has broken loose - this was earlier this year.

Since then she has maintained that he has been deceitful and lied to her and reiterates that her and his children do not support his relationship. He has repeatedly tried to be civil and avoid conflict and generally just ignores it as best he can however it does affect his mental health.

Fast forward to this Xmas and I got his kids a small impersonal gift, though I still haven't met them. This has caused a further fallout for him as she now claims that her and and the kids think I am trying to buy their affection!! I was just trying to be nice and that was that, just like he was by buying small things for my two kids who he has met a fair few times.

Again its brought up all the claims that his kids don't support the relationship and that he should 'keep his b!tch away from my kids'

He getting increasingly anxious that she will withhold the kids from him or their great relationship will sour if I try to have even a small involvement or acknowledgement in their lives.

We are not trying to be a blended family, certainly not anytime soon but take small steps to allow adjustment however there are roadblocks at every turn. He tries to be civil and just let her vent and they have parenting consent orders, he really doesn't want to make it hard or nasty for anyone or lose his relationship with his kids.

This doesn’t stack up. I don’t think you have the full picture @lostandconfused0011.

I was going to ask this, too.

Sorry OP - I agree with everyone else saying he is not being honest.

And on the off chance he is, you don’t need this drama. Why is he telling you every detail of his ex’s insults?

Time to move on…..

Why would you bother with such drama? And the potential of years of it?
No man is even vaguely worth it.

It’s really odd you’ve not seen the children after a year together. And there will have been good reason he only sees them a short while every fortnight. Red flags.

The ex getting upset and supposedly giving him grief. I’m not sure why he’s even telling you about it. And after ten years apart it’s odd that she would care. My hunch like others is there’s more to this.

I bet the kids don’t know you exist.

I’d put it to you - what should you do? Doesn’t feel right. Feels like long term complications you’re better off not having to deal with.

Walk away. It sounds dodgy and who needs all that drama.