Step "nephews"

[Confusedonthedaily]

I have 2 nephews, they belong to my brother, my brother is no contact with us and his children for many years due to addiction/jail but I still have a relationship with the children through my ex sister in law. Now the issue is she has since started a new relationship and has gained 2 step children and has created a blended family, however now when I have my 2 nephews for sleep overs or take them on holiday etc she feels I should be including her step children as they are one family now. Am I wrong to think that I don't need to include them as she isn't my blood family, my contact with her is purely as the children's aunt?? Not sure how to best handle the situation

It's probably really important for your two nephews to keep the same routine in some areas of their life having needed to adapt to a new family set up, so for your nephews I'd say she's being unreasonable, let alone all the other reasons.

She has just replied saying

Of course you aren't a stranger, not to me, I trust you so he trusts you

She is being completely unreasonable and wilfully obtuse, going by her response to you.

@Confusedonthedaily id tbank her for the offer but explain you can manage with 2 children but would feel overtaxed with 4.

God no, she’s a CF!

That is so sweet of her to say so. But the answer is still no.

She can be really hard work and very manipulative but always so lovely and kind so it makes you feel like you are being a twat for putting boundaries in, she has taken massive liberties in the past and I have let it slide but on this occasion I think I have to hold firm. Kids are due down at 7pm so hopefully it will just be the 2 but her form would be to ask me in front of them and make out its a big adventure, need to get my game face on

'I'm sorry you must have misunderstood me. I meant the children and I are strangers. I love that you trust me with your sons. But the time I have with them is to make them feel special and they're still a part of my family. I appreciate you letting them come and I hope that x's family can help you with childcare for his children so you can have a night off'

If she does ask
Oh gosh did you not get my text, I'm sorry kids it's just a sleepover for x and y so I can spend quality time with my nephews. I hope cf and dad have something lovely planned for you two

This is mental. I would be pissed if my children went and stayed with a relative of their Step Mother I’ve never met. Some people have wild ideas honestly. Just say no.

@Confusedonthedaily I would say no, clearly, before she arrives.

What an absolute cf.
No way would I have them.

It's the start if a slippery slope if you agree to this!

Next summer you'll be housesitting her NextDoor neighbours uncles best friends cousin four times removed tortoise.

She’s being cheeky and expecting a child free night.

im pretty confident your nephews are going along to every family activity that the step kids go to with their family.

I would be kind and include the step nephews for smaller things like Christmas presents etc. Or the odd day out.

But you stress to your sister-in-law that it's important for your two nephews to get time on their own with their Dad's family.

This made me laugh 😂

@Confusedonthedaily so, do you have 4 at home or 2 😂

Hope you stood firm OP!

Just the 2!! Hubby sent me out for coffee as he knew she wouldn't ask him or say anything to him, so once the nephews where dropped off he rang me to say the coast was clear

Oh that's smart. Good work from husband and enjoy your time with your nephews.

So if your brother had still been involved with his DCs, would his ex have expected her new partner's children to stay with him on his contact time with his own DCs. I think not!
She is just looking for a free babysitter.

Result!!! Do you think that’s the end of the matter?

Honestly, probably not, like I said she likes to take liberties, eg she has booked week long foreign holidays and just presumes I will keep the kids even though she knows I work, and when I say I can't do it she "reminds" me that my brother is not in the scene and how difficult it is for her and she really needs the break etc basically guilt trips me into filling the gap my brother has left

It’s not your issue that she’s on her own, you’re not your brother’s keeper.

She’s a grabby, CF. They aren’t her kids anyway, they are for their own parents to sort out. She chose to add them to her poor me life; it’s not for anyone else to be browbeaten into helping her out with that.

I would just respond ‘Are you for real?’ Then totally ignore every outrageous request, or for clarity reasons just respond a simple ‘no’.