Having different rules at different households

[lynlyn01]

What do you do when you have conflicting rules between households? The main one for us is screen time. My DSS 6, at his mums, will have his iPad as soon as he wakes up before school, on the way to school, straight after school all the way until lights out. He asks for it constantly but we try and enforce no iPad before school, and a limit when he comes home before homework and dinner. I feel he feels very hard done by when here! He's even told me he tries to wake up early at mums so he can have more iPad time.

He is very well behaved here so don't want it to be a punishment but we definitely want boundaries.

You have to let it go.

You can’t control what goes on at mums house. Just like she gets no say what goes on in yours.

Your house - your rules.

Same issues here. SD6 is constantly on her digital babysitter at her mum's. She doesn't have one here because I don't think it's good for kid to be glued to them constantly. The only screen time she has is on the livingroom TV so we can monitor better what she's watching and we can watch movies together as a family. Having her shows on the TV rather than an iPad also means she can interact with others and do other tasks. So she still gets the screen time without losing herself completely to a screen.

She actually prefers being at ours because we give her actual attention and do activities with her rather than just leaving her with a screen all day.

You can't control how her mum parents but it's up to you make the rules in your own home. MY DSD has never complained about not having an iPad at ours and has never asked for one. We're actually getting her a kids laptop for Xmas so she can work on her maths and literacy skills. It'll still feel like screen time to her but actually be educational.

Is it 50/50?

Dh and dscs mum are mostly aligned on the big things. She was a bit more lax on phone usage but I don't think that it's a massive thing to be different in different houses. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's not like she's allowing him to go out drinking or skip school!

It is yes, 2 nights in the week and every other
Weekend.

That's true. Hmm that's another thing, school attendance isn't great as she will keep him off for slightest sniffle (him or her as she doesn't feel up to driving.) Unless absolutely unwell he goes in with us and if needs be the school will call, funnily enough they don't and he's fine when there.

I think that's true. There's much more routine and structure at ours, and he never plays up, I think because there is more attention on him. Although I know he prefers to be at his mums due to iPad etc and doing what he wants, he likes the structure at ours.

That's not 50/50.

The only rule we have here for DSS is no dog (he has an emotional support puppy as has ASD) but I’m allergic as is my dd so that’s the only rule (and we got him a special cuddly toy of his dog which he has here)

@Snoopdoggydog123 it is. Eg Monday, Wednesday then every other weekend Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

That's a nice compromise

Close enough, why nitpicking?

we got one with a bag inside where we can add beads to it so as the real puppy grows we can match the weight for him he seems to really love it and just accepts it as the version that he has here although we have to follow the same routine eg walk times he just carries the toy one it’s very sweet

What he does at his mums is none of your business. You say he is well behaved at yours - what's the problem? Just stick to your house rules re screen time, he will get over it eventually. And he may not prefer being at his mums because she lets him on the iPad, he might prefer to be there because that's his mum.

I don't see what the problem is here? He's well behaved at yours, goes to school and likes the structure?

Is this a thread just to bash the mum for her terrible parenting?

You sound like you are out to prove you are better parents. It is really rather unhelpful and pointless. He may also like being at his mums because he loves his mum.

I definitely think it is!

And if this was NR dad allowing a 6 year old to be on an iPad for hours a day from the moment he wakes up, and not taking him to school when he's well enough to go, there'd be uproar.

OP is not right for the child, you can't control what she does or doesn't do but the child's father can raise any concerns he has about excessive screen time and poor school surface

Its really none of your business.
If dad isn't happy he can talk to mum. But he cannot control what happens at mum's house

On the basis you can’t do anything about it, I would use it as a useful learning tool that different places/parents/adults have different rules, and that’s life.

Is ss mum suffering financially so she is too busy working to spend time with him? If so maybe increase payments

A lot of parents have to work hard and sacrifice time with their children whilst they go to work. Both parents have the opportunity to work as their split is 50/50 so why should the dad increase payments?

I would just focus on your house your rules, it doesn’t matter how much screen time he has with his mum aslong as he knows the rules when at your house

It's 7 out of 14. Sounds like 50/50 to me.

You have to not sweat it OP, your DSS's mum is entitled to do what she wants with her son on her time, and your entitled to have different rules in your house. It's nice if everyone is on the same page, but that's rarely the case, and it's fine.

Thanks @Coconutter24. No, she doesn't work but his dad pays a "maintenance" still because he doesn't want him to miss out on things and if she needed money for something he would step up of course.