Hand hold

[beachcitygirl]

Adult step kids. I've made a few posts before but struggling like hell this week.

His sons are ok. Pleasant but dismissive. My step daughter who I care for greatly & has had a tough time has become a grade a bitch.
Not age (they're all in their late 30's/40's.

She has reacted badly to us buying our new house together & has openly questioned her inheritance & how she preferred it to be just her dad's house.

I could scream, she's so full of guile, not openly hostile that my DP can see but women see it at a mile off.

I feel ill with it all.

Tbf this is a terrible idea - what’s to stop you changing your mind and leaving all to your children? I’d probably feel uncomfortable with a much younger woman with far less money getting my dad to change his will and leave all to her! Not because I expect to inherit lots, if my parents want to spend it all when they are here more power to them, but I would assume she was taking advantage.

I would also lose my shit if my father left his estate to his new wife.

OP you should take a big step back and do the right thing.

Why? Once they are married, property becomes joint. Haven't you read the marriage vows?
Is it only new wives that you don't think should inherit? How about 10 or 20 years married?

Commonly dads and daughters can have entrenched unhealthy relationships especially if daughter even at young age was emotional support in difficult marriage. Often they are aggrieved to "lose" position as mini wife and whoever you are or be the outcome with them would be the same..

No, I don’t think new spouse should necessarily carte blanche inherit the lot and retain total control over the estate, no. That’s exactly how children ultimately get cut out.

There’s loads of different and responsible ways to structure a will.

You and I have no idea how the OP's husband has written his will or owns his assets.

except for the OP telling us that’s exactly what he’s doing…..?!

This is going the OPs home and life that she built together with her DH! Why should his dc think they are entitled to it when he dies. Imagine losing your DH, and then being expected to move out of your home. It's disgraceful. She sounds a horrible person whose entitlement is totally out of line.

The house belongs to @beachcitygirl too. It's not his estate it's her home.

Entitled adult children don't get a say in their adult parents' choices. It's not their estate. Your father could spend his entire estate in his life and donate it to charity, it's not yours.

@beachcitygirl Make sure your will only provides for your children. A joint house, held in joint tenancy, is fully yours if you outlive your husband. If he doesn't leave a will you are entitled to the majority of his estate.

Scotland is the only place children can't be completely left out of a will, moveable assests only not property.

Don't eat anything she makes.

Why do you advise that OP’s will should only provide for her own children? That’s disinheriting the other children (in the scenario where her partner does first).

So his half goes to OP's children after she dies ? Why should his kids miss out ?
OP if you die first do you trust him to leave your half to your kids ?

Why? The estate is your fathers to leave as he sees fit. What entitlement do you have to it? You didn't earn it

His kids inherit from their father when he dies. OPs children don't inherit from him. She needs to make sure she has a will for her children or they will not inherit anything on her passing. You're more than happy for them to be disinherited because she's the new wife though.

His kids inherit when he dies. 50% of his estate, excluding the house. Unless it is below a threshold then @beachcitygirl inherits everything as his wife.

Not at all. They should both protect their assets to make sure all the children - on both sides - are covered, no matter who dies first.

Tbh, I wouldn't do what he is doing to his children, to mine.
I'm 50, and what's mine now will be my children's. I won't ever financially tie myself to anyone again because of that.

It isn't really surprising that she's cross with you. As far as she knows, you and your children are now the beneficiaries of what she had always thought would be hers and her children's.

Yes then when she dies she should leave his half of the house to his kids.

if he dies first.

OP I think she sounds entitled and she sounds like she has been quite unkind to you in things she has said.

I think her Dad needs to talk to her about what his intentions are as a lot of resentment can build up when others make assumptions.
Ive had a similar discussion with DH - we are yet to do a will but we need to as we are in our 50’s (been together almost 30 years) but he has a DC in their 30’s and we have 2 teenage DC together that still live with us.

I have always worried that if DH goes first his DC would immediately expect some inheritance. DH wants me inherit from him if he goes first (or vice versa) as we built up our life together earning similar amounts etc so our house is very much jointly paid for.
When the last surviving spouse goes then any remaining joint assets (assuming it hasn’t gone in care costs - you never know what’s going to happen) will be split between all of the children

Do people really look at family and see pound signs? Hell the bloody madam should be happy her df is happy. And he /you should spend every penny you have and leave inheritance to a dog home.

As long as daughter know that the will is such that on both your deaths the house will be split equally between kids.
I'm guessing you've contributed to the house and so financially it's your entitlement and not just through marriage.
I think knowing this element is enough really and there's no need for further conversation about that.
It's definitely a conversation that I think will put some part of all this to bed.

Ok. Seems I have not made things very clear .
If he left his half of everything to his kids they would get a third of a half each.

My 2 would get 1/2 of a 1/2 each

Our way is they get a 1/5each

So for arguments sake let's say it's one million

Our way they get £200k each

Separating it
My two get £250k each
& his three get166,000each

I am happy with it being equally divided.

I view us as a family.
Either of us may need care as we get older. I expect to care for him for quite a long time & he's determined that I'll not be left unable to afford care in the instance he's not able to help me.

Like I say he's considerably older. So although we're making presumptions it's quite likely.

I just find even her mentioning his estate quite icky. It's uncouth.
He's not Logan Roy / we're talking about a nice house and a few pensions (both of us) I will also be working for another 15 years earning substantially and he is now retired.
All going into joint pot of our life.

We're very happy & in love. It makes me sad she's like this.

Ah that makes sense.

Thinking too much about inheritance is way off my radar for various reasons. I am rather non materialistic. Despite that, the issue of wills and inheritance did cause a bit of tension in the family (we have a step parent). I think mainly to the step parent and my sibling.

What really just put it to bed was an explanation saying there's a will and this is how things will be split. Conversation over.

It's understandable that daughter has feelings about it all. As long as she sees it as fair, which it seems to be, anything beyond that is unreasonable. Particularly as there's another inheritance coming from the other parent.

I expect her problem will be that she'll have to wait another 30/40 years to inherit though? @beachcitygirl

I’d probably feel uncomfortable with a much younger woman with far less money getting my dad to change his will and leave all to her! Not because I expect to inherit lots, if my parents want to spend it all when they are here more power to them, but I would assume she was taking advantage.

Same here. Seems you've put a lot of thought into the inheritance though OP.