Changing bedrooms for Step Children

[NattyAnt]

Hi,
Just after a bit of advise with what to do regarding our bedroom situation with step children.
We have a four bedroom house, my partner has 2 children, I have 1 child and we have 1 together. His children share the largest room, but now they have gotten older they rarely stay at our house, one last stayed in the summer the other probably 9 months ago. They have said they don't want to stay here as they aren't close to their friends and have exams this year so have lots going on. They have no possesions at our house, just a bed each. Our youngest child is in the smallest room which he is out growing rapidly, he needs a single bed but once we put that in there, with a wardrobe and chest of drawers there isn't space left for anything else.
My suggestion was to change the rooms around so that the children that live here have the biggest rooms and we make the small room a guest/office space. My SDs will still have privacy and each have a sofa bed to sleep on when they do stay over.
My partner was happy with this arrangement until he spoke to his eldest and she was very angry and said she will never stay here again if her room is taken away. I understand its hard for them but also feel that we have a huge room sat empty and practically, I just want to organise the rooms so that everyone has the space that they need based on who lives here and has the nost belongings to store. Any advise or past experiences with similar situations would be very helpful.

Well it sounds like the stepkids never stay anyway. They can't demand that a big bedroom stays empty the majority of the time, it's ridiculous.

Whatever you do you won't win. The joys of blended families! For what it's worth I don't think there is anything rationally wrong with your suggestion but the stepkids are unlikely to change their minds. Do you get on with their Mum? Could she help you appeal to their better nature?

They need a private bedroom at their dads house, not a sofa bed.

She was very angry and said she will never stay here again if her room is taken away.

I'd shrug and tell them that was their choice. There was a bed in the study for them if they wanted to stay over.

I would not leave the biggest bedroom in the house empty in case someone who last stayed 9 MONTHS AGO fancied dropping in for a night. I'm assuming eldest is a teenager.

Unfair on the DC who live there.

Could the big room stay as their room but also be an office/play room?

You are understandably looking at this in practical terms, but your step daughter will feel it in terms of how much her father loves and prioritises her. Like it or not, a bedroom does represent status in the family to many children.

Knowing they always have the option to stay with their Dad is still important to them even if they choose not to take it.

How come you can fit two sofa beds in the small room but not a single bed and furniture for your youngest?

They have no possesions at our house, just a bed each

Doesn't sound like it's any sort of home for them - is there a reason for that?

That could be a great solution, thank you

Yes sorry, its actually 2 chair beds so that they would have individual beds, they would fit either side of the room. As no other furniture is needed in the room they fit nicely and still allow a little bit of floor space for them to change etc.

We have really tried to make it homely for them, I decorated their room for them with names above their bed and we got them oodies and bedding but they took all their possessions home. It was their choice. Unfortunatly they have always been very anti our house.

More fool DH if he panders to that. It’s not that they’re not welcome but it’s more about practicalities. Stay or don’t. But the room they don’t use is no longer theirs. Do what suits those actually living in the house

You and DP are on the same page, go for it. If he hadn’t told her she probably wouldn’t even have realised for years. Your house is not their home, that’s their decision, it sounds like you’ve done your best and they’ve rejected it so what more can you do? Nothing. Make a spacious lovely room for your son and don’t entertain this strop.

They need real beds in their home. They don’t have to have the biggest room, but they need actual beds.

It’s not their home.

I think sometimes you just can’t win. I’d make them aware that they are always welcome but from a practicality point of view you can’t just have an empty bedroom sat unused for months on end.

Oh dear , from their perspective that sounds shit

Not if they never stay there

Pretty shit for the youngest being the only child living there ft and having the smallest room.

How about you set up the small room for them and swap the beds in to the big room when they visit? Best of both worlds?

Could you put bunk beds in the small room so they have a proper bed each? I wouldn't pander to them though if they haven't stayed for so long.

I couldn't imagine asking my DSC to sleep on sofa beds. It just wouldn't sit right with me tbh, because it would effectively make them 'guests' in their Dad's home.

Could a temp solution work until SDs are uni/college age? Could the two youngest share the large room? Middle size room with single bed/desk, small room with single bed?

How old are the children - boys or girls?
is your child with you ft?

assuming that the SC are both same sex and young teenagers, and that younger DC are with you FT, then I would suggest bunk beds in the small room for the SC, and the other two have the bigger rooms.

the sc do need their own room, and proper beds not chair beds. Even if they don’t choose to use it often. At the same time the other two need spaces of their own as they haven’t got other houses to choose to be at.

I definitely would be swapping the bedrooms around, but I'd find a way that your SD's still have a bed available for now

Let me double check the logic on this, some replies are suggesting that the step children who presumably have first choice of room at their mums house also have first choice at their Dad's house and your child and joint child together have to step back to make way for them?

Come on ladies, you can do better than this. They get first dibs in one house where they live and in the other where they occasionally stay is just that, an occasional room.

No reason at all why everyone should make way and pander to them in both houses at the expense of everyone else. Step kid or not