Blending our families

[Elizabeth20100]

Hi,

My Partner and I have been together three years, after the break down of our previous marriages (mine, 4.5 years ago when ex had an affair).

We have two lovely children each, two boys 8,5 on my side, two girls 11,9 on his side.

After some gradual part time blending, family holidays abroad and increasing the time we are all together, the time feels right to move under one roof. The children get on really well, some differences in parenting style but not necessarily a bad thing - it’s good to have a balanced opinion sometimes.

However, having done lots of research and reading lots of threads on Mumsnet, I’m suddenly really apprehensive. It looks like the majority of people really struggle to blend and their children are unhappy. If I thought for one moment, my kids would be unhappy, I won’t do it and continue as we are.

so I guess I’m looking for some pragmatic advice. Should we stay as we are? I like our life but would ideally live to all be together, get married and daily adult companionship.

thanks in advance!

Im going to assume you intend to be with your partner for the rest of your lives?

That's plenty of time for you two to live together. Your children are young for such a small part of that. For me, that makes the decision to wait an easy one. And I'm not just saying that, I have done it for the last ten years.

Thank you @MaryLeith snd @Berga. I’m feeling a lot better about it all, sad that we won’t be moving forward under the same roof, but happy to feel a bit of a weight lifted from my shoulders and a supportive partner that wants the best for me and all of us. We had another chat this evening and although my DP is sad (as am I), we spoke about all the benefits of our current set up, our happy children and that we may even decide to get married whilst living in our own homes too as it’s not our connection that’s in question. It’s my birthday tomorrow so a nice chance to celebrate us moving forward, in a a slightly different direction that expected but lovely nonetheless ☺️ Thanks all again for such helpful advice!

DP is an excellent dad but sometimes a bit more brusque than I am and prefers to do things himself to make sure it’s done ‘properly.’ Therefore his girls don’t contribute are generally on their phones a lot
An 'excellent' dad would not be allowing an 11 year old and 9 year old to be on their phones a lot.
However, you both have reached the right decision for your children and that is great - so many people don't do that and force children to live together.

@Elizabeth20100 glsd you’re feeling positive about the future.

You can still have a family unit. Eachothers houses for tea, holidays or weekends away. And maybe sleepovers at whoever’s house is bigger 😀 But still with the security of their own home.

My mum and her ex boyfriend blended us all as kids two from his side two on my mums and then they had my little sister together. I absolutely loved it I was the youngest out of the step children so it was lovely to have what I felt like a big sister. They did eventually split up and I was gutted. However, myself and my step sister are still close today I think that's because we have a shared sister so we do things together (we're now adults in our 30s)

Such a stupid post, "mumsnetters" are hundreds of thousands of people who do not think alike on any topic.

Okay

You and your other half need to sit down & make joint rules re behaviour and promise to stick to it. It cannot be one rule for one and another for the other.

If you can't do this .Dont do it