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Original poster

Contact on non-contact days

50 replies

HebburnPokemon · 16/09/2024 18:42

In a 50/50 situation, is it normal for teen DSC to still phone/text asking for things to be brought to their mums house. So dad is never off duty and must be on hand to help out at a drop of an hat?

Mums drives too so not a case of transport issues.

This was not the situation when we met.

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AmandaHoldensLips · 16/09/2024 18:52

He's their dad. There is no such thing as "off duty" for any decent parent worth half their salt.

Illpickthatup · 16/09/2024 18:56

I don't think a parent is every off duty but I don't think their dad should drop everything to cart things back and forth for them. If they're old enough to have a phone they're old enough to remember the things they need.

Original poster
HebburnPokemon · 16/09/2024 19:04

AmandaHoldensLips · 16/09/2024 18:52

He's their dad. There is no such thing as "off duty" for any decent parent worth half their salt.

Seems their mam can go off duty during her contact hours though?

OP posts:
lunar1 · 16/09/2024 19:28

Is it normal for teens to have to split their life and belongings between two homes? While parents have everything together in one place, their children have to struggle.

Yes it would be nice if the mum did half, but it's not a race for who can do the least for their children.

evrey · 16/09/2024 19:35

Just part of being a parent surely. He isn't just a dad on his selected days he is a dad everyday.
A teacher has a child for a set amount of time then clocks off as it is their job, a parent is on call 365 days of the year.

Storyland · 16/09/2024 19:40

Teen needs to be more responsible for their stuff. But it's horrible constantly loving between two houses. Adults only choose to do live like that if the hassle is compensated with a salary that makes it worth it.

So cut the teen some slack. Dad is doing right to do whatever they can to look after him.

soupfiend · 16/09/2024 19:43

What sort of things are being forgotten and needed, can you get duplicates for the house so they can be left at yours, can you support the child (you say teen but that can mean anything) to remember better?

A parent isnt off duty and he should parent (not help out) at the drop of a hat. H eis the father

Pantaloons99 · 16/09/2024 19:46

Who is bothered about this? You or husband?

I imagine you want to just switch off from the other life when you're alone but he's being a decent person by treating his child like his full time responsibility.

Do you have issue with the mum? Are they resolvable?

Is it possible his kids just miss him

TheOddSocks · 16/09/2024 19:52

I don't see it as an issue unless we're talking a lipgloss and a 30 mile round trip.

Does your husband have a real issue with it or is it you?

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 16/09/2024 19:54

You're never off duty as a parent.

Berga · 16/09/2024 19:55

All days are parenting days if he is a parent. You don't get to opt out by calling them non-contact days.

Fargo79 · 16/09/2024 20:04

HebburnPokemon · 16/09/2024 19:04

Seems their mam can go off duty during her contact hours though?

Show quote history

Well this just makes you sound bitter and it's obvious that you have an issue with your partner's ex.

If he has a problem with dropping things off to the DC, he either needs to help them develop methods of keeping track of and remembering their belongings (if they are a young teen or ND) or he just needs to say "no". If he's happy to cart things round then that's up to him. If you have a problem with the amount of time he chooses to spend with his child then maybe this isn't the relationship for you.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 16/09/2024 20:08

Why doesn't dad say half of the time that mum can collect it? Or mum can bring child to pick it up?

Soontobe60 · 16/09/2024 20:17

We did 50/50. As a teen, if DD wanted something that was at the other house, the parent she was with would go and get it if it was reasonable!

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2024 20:23

Is DSC forgetful, or incapable of getting a bus? I'd be going for natural consequences, while also knowing that I am on call all the time.

EG94 · 16/09/2024 20:28

I think this could of been better worded however the kids are old enough to remember there shit and if they don’t they either get off their arse and come and get it or it stays there until they next come back. Dp dropping their shit whenever they ask isn’t doing them any favours for adult life.

I went through this with my ex and she’d laugh and say oh boys no fuck off oh boys. It’s always us being expected to bring stuff and drop our plans. She’d never come and the kids kept forgetting shit.

we stopped Enabling them and they started to remember their things. Simple and effective. Their mum whinged but oh well you should also be teaching them to be responsible for themselves

BeLoyalCoralHiker · 17/09/2024 07:13

My DPs kids often need something on a random day often because it’s just because they want to see him - he will go / drop off if he can, again because he wants to see them. Their mum probably finds it easier to go “off duty” as presumably she has them the majority of the time?

Snowdrops17 · 17/09/2024 09:23

Think you are being a bit unreasonable here is there father he should be there at the drop of a hat regardless of the situation

rwalker · 17/09/2024 09:29

It really depends on the individual situation and what there asking for

if it’s some like deodorant they’ve left then I’d just say no if it was an outfit for an occasion then yes

Buyingahouse2024 · 17/09/2024 09:55

I agree with some of the other posters, this hasn't been worded the best but I get your point. As a kid I forgot to bring weekend shoes to my dads, my dad made me wear my school shoes all weekend. Safe to say I never forgot them again 😂

PrawnAgain · 17/09/2024 10:04

This is one of the many reasons why DH and his ex committed to living in the same area til kids are older. If DSCs forget something they collect it themselves or do without it til next time. No need for either parent to act like a courier.

Having said that, if the item isn't essential then can't they just wait til next time for it? Might help encourage them to think about what they might need.

Singleandproud · 17/09/2024 10:07

It's not the childs fault they have two homes and have to split their possessions between both of them. Would they have to cart the object round school with them if DH didn't take it

If it is regular things they forget then they need 1 set at each house

DH can put boundaries in place so he isn't jumping straight away but leaving it to a convenient time.

Bananasplitz97 · 17/09/2024 10:09

I have mixed feelings on this. My kids Dad lives 10 mins walk away. I invested in a key lock so they can pop in and out if they need things. They sometimes pop into see me when they are 'officially' staying at their Dads. That said if they forget something they need and ask me to bring it them I will, its not their choice nor fault to live over two houses. They are good kids and try to be organised.

Additionally, I am always their Mum. If they need a lift somewhere and Dad can't do it (work or kids having double commitments) i'll take them. I'll still watch their sports matches and other activities regardless of who they are staying with that weekend.

TheShellBeach · 17/09/2024 10:11

When you're a parent you're never off duty. Never.

That applies whether you're the mother or the father.

Pyjamatimenow · 17/09/2024 10:22

I get it. DH’s ex lives a good 30 mins away so if dh has to take something he’s disappeared for an hour at least going there and back. The mum never gets off her arse. Have you got kids with him? That’s where it gets really annoying because you’re left at home parenting on your own. I’m afraid there’s not much to be done about it though. It’s a suck it up situation