Christmas arrangements

[Lemonmelon1]

Aibu?
The last two years we have had my children on Xmas day. The following morning they have gone to their dads and we've collected sc for the next 24 hours. So we've kind of had 2 Xmas days.
My children's dad doesn't really do Xmas. He will get the kids a few little bits but he's not majorly fussed on when he sees them.
I've found it hard the last few years not having my kids on Boxing Day as it feels like they open things Xmas day and then are gone and don't get to enjoy them.
This year I was thinking of keeping mine for Boxing Day as well as Xmas day and maybe they go to their dad the day after Boxing Day. I know their dad will be fine with this.
The AIBU is that it would mean sc would share Boxing Day with my children and not have the focus of all on them. Do you think it's fair?
Thanks

Could you have the sc for xmas day this year? Have a big day with all of the children?

Do the children get along? How would your children react to your partners children opening their Christmas presents while you were all together.

I'd there a reason your partner can't have his on Christmas Day as well?

Sc mum would not let us have them on Xmas day as she wants them for everyone.

The children do get on the majority of the time. I think my children would be fine with sc opening gifts as they will have already had theirs.
I'm worried about dh feeling he doesn't get the one on one Xmas with sc he's had the last few years. But I miss mine too much and they are getting older and I'd like to enjoy Boxing Day with them too.

It depends on how your stepchildren and partner feel
imo. There needs to be compromise and Xmas day is already 100% about your children. They have all the time in the world to enjoy their presents after Boxing Day. Would your sc want your dc there?

Why does their mum get to have them every Xmas day just because that's what she wants? The kids are just as much your OHs as they are hers.

I'd keep it as it is. Would be unfair on SC to miss out on their own special day.
You've got your DC for Christmas Day. Let DH have one day with his kids.

@Illpickthatup
Unfortunately she's the type to threaten no contact if things don't go her way!

Don't forget sc gets his own special day with his mum.

Is there no court order? What age is the child?

@Illpickthatup no it's mutually agreed contact times and sc is 6

Well I think it's about time he arranges a contact schedule that isn't just tailored to whatever his ex wants and have it court ordered if need be. You'll have a long road ahead being under the control of his ex if he doesn't sort something, especially if she's the type to stop contact on a whim.

And your kids get their own special day with their mum then their dad.

why is DS not allowed a day with just dad?

What does DH want to do?

@Illpickthatup
We have a regular schedule with dc just on occasions like bday and Xmas she wants him even if it's on our agreed day.

But if he had a court order she couldn't just do that. We have alternative birthdays and Xmas in ours.

What does your DH think? You need to talk to him about it first.

I don't think YABU to want to have your DC on boxing day if their dad isnt fussed. It might be nice for your SC to have his step siblings there when he opens presents on boxing day too, as his step siblings are part of his family too afterall.

@Illpickthatup we are going through court at the moment regarding the house and it's cost 6k already. Can't afford more costs again 🤦‍♀️

It's £232 to apply for a court order and he can self-represent. Either that or he's just going to have to stand up to his ex. She has no more right than him to see their son on special occasions. If he's not willing to do either then he'll just need to accept that we won't ever see his child on a special occasion and they won't ever get to celebrate with their siblings. He can't really complain then if he feels something is unfair like the situation with boxing day above.

If your children are older, are they old enough to join in with the whole thing about Santa coming and leaving presents for your step son? If they are the type that would be happy to join in with making a fuss off him while he opens his presents, it could be lovely.

Your children staying in their own main home is something that has to be decided between you and their father with their best interests in mind, not those of other children.

I think my children would much prefer to be here for that extra day and their dad would be fine with it.
If dh specifically wants a day with just sc we could always do it the day after Boxing Day.

You shouldn’t not have your kids just because he has his! If he got his child for xmas would you say no because that’s the day your kids get to themselves?

You shouldn't have to arrange all of your plans with your children based on the whims of others. What if you had your children full time? They would be there every Boxing Day then. It's not like the DSC aren't having Christmas Day with their mum and then with their dad, it's only a matter of some other children also being there on Boxing Day, big deal

Depends what your DH thinks.

And also how your stepson (his priority) is likely to react. I was an only child and would have loved a Boxing Day with other kids but your stepson may feel differently.

It’s their home, and if your children will be happier at home playing with their new presents rather than going having a half hearted Christmas at their dad’s then so be it. You shouldn’t have to turf your children out when you know they will be better off with you. Imagine if it was the other way around and you suggested/pushed for the dsc go to their mum’s.

DSC’s mum gets to plan all of her Christmases based on what she wants and doesn’t want to compromise anything, so you should plan your Christmases the way you want to.
If she wants all the Christmas days, then nobody can really say anything about your children having all day with you without the dsc’s around and how unfair it is that only your children get their mum and then their dad on their own.
You have to think about what is best for your children and what will make them most happy.

If he would like Christmas and she isn't it allowing it, it isn't mutually agreed.

Thanks for the replies. It seems I'm not being unreasonable in wanting more time with my kids and also wanting them to enjoy the time as much as they can.
I will suggest it to dh that sc can either come round Boxing Day and spend it with us all or come over the day after and it'll be just him.