Costs of bringing up kids that aren't yours

[lespameo]

I am a parent to twins and step parent to 2 girls ages 10 and 8, my partner and I live together and have all 4 kids about 95% of the time. The exes step in once a fortnight for the Saturday (iif they feel up to it).
My ex pays child maintenance which barely scratches the surface but I appreciate its more than some parents get so that's not my beef. My beef is that my partners ex gf doesn't pay a penny towards the girls upbringing, not anything at all. So every single expense is on us. My ex refuses to go at her for child support as he's petrified of rocking the boat and her kicking off. His reasoning is that we can afford it so why get worked up about it. We can afford it but periods of the year like back to school, we have to watch the pursestrings and for me, it's more about the principle. She's having baby number 7 at some point this month, yet doesn't pay towards her 4 older kids? (2 youngest live with her). God I get so wound up about it and I know I need to try let it go so please, any advice on how to do this would be hugely appreciated! My mental health is declining.

I said mum isn’t living right. But I wasn’t commenting on her. I was talking about the OP’s actions. Mum being a shit show isn’t an excuse for the OP reporting her. It didn’t need to go beyond Dad claiming CB going forward.

I said mum isn’t living right. But I wasn’t commenting on her. I was talking about the OP’s actions. Mum being a shit show isn’t an excuse for the OP reporting her. It didn’t need to go beyond Dad claiming CB going forward.

OP, could you get a diary with a lock on and use it to verbalise all your anger and frustration. I appreciate my approach may not be the same as others but actually writing ' you c*t f*k piece of shit etc etc etc ' really can be incredibly helpful. You just don't want anyone to find it 🤦‍♀️🤣

I really like your partner's approach to this. And the reason it's totally different to a man doing this is because we know that mum's generally hold more power to be believed, pitied or seen as the victim. The reason being it's usually men who act like this so we don't expect it of mothers. So I get why he doesn't want to rock the boat. He know what she's capable of and I actually like that he's keeping things as non confrontational as possible. It's better for the kids.

She is getting every punishment imaginable through her life circumstances by the sounds of it. I'd rather be you than her. All kids want their mum's but when they get older I'm quite sure they'll want little to do with her.

They'll feel your anger ( it's understandable) but some battles are not worth it. I get the Child benefit part of this.

Can you just look at the fact you have so much more in every way than this woman who clearly has extensive issues. Just try manage your anger and recognise that you are doing such an incredible thing for those kids by protecting them. You'll do them the greatest service imaginable if you can rise above this and be the adult she is not

Out of principle, she should pay yhe £7 per week amd your partner should claim child benefit. Even of he them has to pay it back, but that feckless woman shouldn't be allowed to claim it.

If he chooses not to, then it's pointless you getting worked about something he doesn't care enough to fix. You need your energy for the 4 children you're raising. Madame Baby Machine is probably not wasting her time thinking about you.

Probably too late for you now, but reason number 999 why I'm not touching a man with growing children, and especially not one with a disorderly ex.