Is step parenting always so thankless?

[tiredoutmumma24]

NC'd for this. DSS is 7 and as much as he's a lovely boy and well-behaved (when he's with us) and I do love him why do I hate being a step mum so much? It just seems such a thankless chore when he's here. I have a 6 month old LO too so their needs are so different at the moment, and I'm fast forwarding being a parent without having had chance to take each step along the way, so maybe I'm just feeling a bit pulled.
What annoys me most is that myself and DH try to make our home a loving, happy place but it's still never good enough. Are all children so ungrateful? I feel exhausted even trying. DSS told me today he doesn't really like it here, wants to go to mummies and his favourite thing here is his football, ohh and sometimes his little brother Sorry for the rant

. If you don’t trust him to sort the washing and select the right programme, he can be responsible for hanging it out and folding the dry clothes.

Orrr… he can Google the manual and figure it out in 3 mins.

!!!!

Hi OP, just a message of support really - a year ago I was in the same position as you. Same ages and everything! My DSS really struggled with the arrival of my DD - his mum also had a baby at the same time (awful coincidence) so it was to be expected but his behaviour really took a dip and I struggled as well to manage the relationship with him and the baby and my DH etc. Fast forward a year and everyone has gotten used to the situation, my hormones have maybe calmed a bit as I think this played a part with the struggle as I took everything quite personally, and now we get on better than ever and he is a brilliant big bro. Give it some time - I think 7 is a tricky age too for kids as it seems to be a transition between being little and maturing a tad (I’m a teacher so see this a LOT). Don’t get downhearted - it will work out for all of you ❤️

Thanks all, you've given me a lot of food for thought! I will remain positive and loving and maintain a safe space here. He deserves it. I know it's not a competition between houses and understand how hard it must be for him

Thank you so much, it's nice to know I'm not the only one and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I agree it's a strange age, very in-between, compared to my nephew who is only 9 months younger there is such a difference with DSS seeming to try to be much more mature.
Your words have been so kind, thank you

If he would prefer to be with his mum, then why not? It's probably more convenient for her to have a break, but that's not the issue. Discuss it with the dad. Maybe it would be better for him just to take the lad out for the day sometimes? Footie, cinema, whatever.

It gets better. Your stepson is at a tough age and trying to juggle with a newborn as well sounds full on.

My stepdaughter used to be like this and it felt at times like I had to dig so deep to find the positives to build on. She is 12 now and I couldn't be prouder of the young lady she is becoming. Step-parenting is hard work in a way that being a parent isn't, because you will have to work harder at the bond and also not take things personally. But if you can keep reminding yourself that it isn't personal and work on the relationship, it can honestly be really rewarding. You may never feel that same kind of love you feel for your own LO, but the relationship you have with your SS become something different and special in its own right.

Parenting in general is thankless. If you are expecting grateful kids you will be waiting a long time in most cases, over and above usual politeness. Step parenting is another level of this, as there is the inevitable comparison to the actual parents and in lots of cases some degree of difficulty between the houses. The kids are stuck in the middle which isn't a nice place to be.
All you can do is continue to create a nice, safe, reassuring space for them when they are with you, and as with any other parenting, don't things to heart.

You’ve had a lot of judgement so a message of support. I’ve only read the first page.

It’s hard and thankless to look after someone else’s children. It never gets easier. Some kids make it harder than others.

Youve posted on the right forum but unfortunately the first few posts are not from step mums and this sets the tone.

The issue is that he is brought to your house when he misbehaves, which seems like she is using your home to take a break and avoid the difficult aspects of parenting. However, children can and should learn to be thankful and show appreciation from the age of 4. I believe that expecting children to have good manners most of the time by the age of 7 is the minimum standard of teaching a child social skills.

@Missamyp the boy will not be concentrating on manners and learning good values from dad and stepmum whilst his mum is doing this awful dumping routine. He doesn't sound rude to me.

The number one priority has to be dad speaking to his ex about arrangements whereby this is not an option. It's really cruel and OP is more likely to feel resentful and like a babysitting service.

Someone suggested involving the boy more in the big brother role. I think that can really help in these situations. It has helped alot in our own situation.

Kids from more difficult backgrounds tend to act more grown up. They've had to sadly. I see it with my own child.

@Sitdownrosa has posted some brilliant advice OP!