This seems a supportive group, so here goes! Please be kind 🧡
Me and my partner moved in together 8 mths ago- together 4 years. I have 2 children and he also has 2 children. Mine live here full time his EOW and half school holidays. We both sold our houses to buy together. Really lovely relationship, we both have expressed how happy we are, best relationship we have been in etc. Both very excited for the future.
There were difficulties with his ex initially. She moved out of his home 2 years before we met. He took her to family court after 2 years of us being together and everything has been very quiet and settled on that front ever since. She has a new partner and child. Few minor problems when moving intogether which we sorted out together.
And here it is- 2 months ago I found out he was sleeping with the ex (mother of his children) on and off for the first 15-18 months of our relationship. I am obviously devastated. I went into this with my eyes wide open and still this has happened. I'm devastated for my children. I'm horrified I've put them in this situation again ( relationship break up). Its been pretty devastating for my partner too - lost 2st in weight, not sleeping etc ( I have very little sympathy though). He claims he was caught in toxic cycles/ couldn't breakaway/there was threats to stop his contact with kids etc. Strangely, she has the same personality disorder as my ex and I'm well aware of toxic cycles, difficulty of getting away, the mind games etc. I've been there. Difference is I got myself out of that situation, even though it was the hardest time of my life. I wasn't still sleeping with him when I had a partner.
What would you do? Stay? Go? He wants to do everything to save us- counselling, he's reading books, trying to access help through work etc. I'm just so angry. This isn't the type of relationship I wanted. I'm a very black and white person.
Any help really appreciated. Thank you.