Step children

[Hecticschedule]

My dp has two children ds from a previous relationship his ex partner also had a ds before meeting. When having contact with his children his ex is expecting her ds to be invited along. I have a small house and dd of my own. No space and don’t feel like that’s my responsibility am I being unreasonable?

Regardless of him having a biological father, your partner has been in this childs life since he was 2 and now you both want him to walk away and wash his hands of him. I can absolutely see his ex's point of view. Her child was a toddler when the new family unit was established, he knows nothing else. The split between his mum and step-dad would have had a huge impact on him and now he's being made to feel like he was never truly regarded as part of his family. It's shit to see your child hurt like this.

The reality is that if you welcomed this child into the fold without all the hand ringing and hullabaloo, he would come along for about 6 months and then like most teenagers start to drift away because they're not interested in spending time with adults and little kids. And if he didn't it would mean it was because he loves you all and enjoys hanging out with you. I can't see a problem with either of those scenarios.

If your partner is really the kind of man who can take on a parenting role for over ten years and then walk away without a backwards glance then he is not the sort of man I would want in MY child's life.

My bil took on 2 kids when he met his now ex. When they broke up he was expected to take all four, but he wasn't happy and I said rather than cause an issue just let it fizzle out which it did, and the older 2 no longer wanted to come.

Many years ago my little cousin had to watch his big brother and sister go with their dad every weekend as he had a diff dad. He then had to watch them come home with lots of treats and he was just stood there. His dad never bothered when he was young but it was heartbreaking to watch him so sad all the time.
Hard to know what to do.

It sounds a lot for you. Can you not have separate houses and still see each other on weekends you are both free. I accept that he might have a responsibility to this kid but you certainly don’t.

What sort of relationship does your partner and his DSS have? He has been in his life since being a toddler so has he played a father role to him. Seems incredibly cruel to just cut him out of visits after having a relationship for so many years. If your partner is wanting to not see him anymore I’d also be questioning what sort of a man he actually is to be able to do that

You have made a really bad decision bringing this into your daughters life, no matter what she tells you.
You are the adult and she is so young.
Moving a man in after a bad split with lots of drama is a really bad idea.
4 males added to a small house, one that isn't his?
What on earth were you thinking.
How can you be so cavalier with your childs childhood?
He needs to move out and you need to place value on your daughters childhood.
How do you think the puberty and teen years will pan out jammed in together?
Your poor child.
He needs to go.
His shit show is not yours to be silly enough to take on.
Unbelievable.

She's clearly said 3 years