Would court make her get a better paid job?

[ebadame]

I have two DSC. They are D so don't come at me with "poor kids etc".

Anyway, DH has moved jobs recently and is paid less. This wasnt his choice. He was made redundant. This job employed him. He is looking for a better paid job. I work full time. We have 1 shared DC

Ex-wife is making fuss over the reduced maintenance and is threatening court. I don't know why as he pays the legally owed amount. Yes in an ideal world he'd voluntarily pay more. However the ex has chosen to work extremely part time hours at minimum wage. She's well trained. The kids are at secondary school. She has more earning potential. Would a court tell her to look for more work if she took it to court. I suspect she's after my income but I understand that is untouchable is that right?

He only has to pay what the cms tell him too and your wage is irrelevant.

My ex did this but I also understood my own responsibility at the time with primary school aged children and increased my hours. Eventually as the youngest started high school to full time.
The minimum is often not near enough what a child needs but it is what it is and she needs to look at working more too

Does DH feel bad that he is no longer providing adequately for his first set of DC?

Why can’t the children’s mother work full time to provide for her family instead of relying on her ex?

He got made redundant. It wasn't a choice. He will gave accepted anything because he was unemployed. What planet are you on?

What evidence is there that he isn't providing adequately? What is an adequate amount?

Maybe OP could share how much her DH looks after his children and how much he now pays in child maintenance?

@Toastcrumbsinsofa I’m assuming she is doing most of the parenting anyway (as OP says they can’t have the children more). And ex is their Dad after all. Paying minimum CMS does not make you dad of the year. OP is very keen to tell us as well that she earns a fair whack, just to rub it in

Nobody is saying he's dad of the year but he's also not responsible for keeping his ex, who is choosing not work minimally. He got made redundant. Shit happens.

Regardless of how much he has them, he's paying what he legally has to. He's probably not dad of the year but I don't think mum is exactly an excellent example of a parent either.

She could but for some of us £500 would be far to much and for others it would be a "pittance" because everyone's circumstances are different.

Child maintenece is money to provide for your own children, when you do less parenting than you should. It has absolutely nothing to do with the ex's finances.

True, maybe if she shared their household income too.

Indeed. He's paying it. What's your point?

Their household income is irrelevant? Ops income is nothing to do with her husbands children?

That was in response to a PP saying his ex should work more to pick up more of his slack. Legally it is not relevant but if their household income is £200,000 a year and they lower CMS to £100 per month then that is pretty vile.

It's not vile if that's what cms tell him to pay and it is based on what he earns. They are not ops children and therefore not her financial responsibility.

I personally think watching your step child go without is vile. Thank god most mothers do more than the legal minimum.

Who says they are going without anything?

Why aren't you berating mum for watching them go without when they are her actual children?

The mother is not here giving her side of the story. What we do know is that OP earns a considerable amount of money, her husband has taken a large pay cut, he does less than 50% of parenting and pays the legal minimum in child maintenance. As PPs have said, the ex has got him through the hard bit of raising the DC so why can't he do 50/50? My issue is not with the OP, although I'm bloody sick of seeing clearly otherwise capable women carrying these men through life and placing blame on the ex. She needs to focus on her husband and what he can do to be a decent parent to all three children.

Carrying these men through life? HE HAS JUST BEEN MADE REDUNDANT. Is that a fact you've missed?

We have 0 idea if the ex has "got him through the hard bit" you've just assumed that.

Most mothers? Not like the mother in question here who is refusing to work any more than very part time.

As many have said, a SM is not responsible for financing her husband's kids.

I understand legally she is not. But personally I believe if you marry someone you become a family unit. He brought two children into the marriage, OP was happy to marry him so she became part of the family unit. You support one another for richer, for poorer. You combine finances. There are plenty of childless men if you are not prepared to do that.

Hahaha, well good for you. You can pay for other people's kids if you like.

I will not pay directly for children that are not mine. You're very naive if you think op will not have been, and continue to indirectly fund these children. I have. Extensively. I won't pay their mum a single penny, but believe me my life and finances have been impacted. When dss lived here, obviously my wage directly paid for him, but that isn't the case here and nor should it ever be.

How much was he and is he now contributing?

You really can't tell randoms on the internet how to live their lives and manage their finances - you know that, right?

I'm sharing my thoughts, as are you. That's the point of the forum.