To refuse to put on a performance.

[TooLateForRoses]

We have shared DC. We've been arguing a bit so there's an atomosphere. I try not to let it affect shared DC but unfortunately it's going to. Anyway DH has asked if I could "be nice" when his child from previous relationship is here otherwise they won't want to come. aibu to tell him to fuck off it shouldn't matter who is in the house he needs to stop being a dick.

If he knows it’s not good enough for his elder child he knows it’s not good enough for his younger children, as do you.

Poor kids.

I think you both need to deal with this like reasonable adults, which includes exposing all the kids as little as possible.

poor kids, what a bloody ghastly environment to be in

Children deserve not to have adults exposed them to emotional crap. Communicate and sort it out like adults, poor kids.

Whatever you're arguing about, can't you sit down like adults and sort it out? Neither your shared children or his visiting children should be exposed to nastiness and arguments and telling him to fuck off and stop being a dick is not helpful if you want to resolve your differences like grown ups.

You need to grow up or split up.

sadly the op seems to be looking forward to creating drama in front of her step child

Sorry I posted twice

No I'm not. He's the one causing the atmosphere and I'm just not putting up with it. I'm not being a stepford wife. I don't want there to be any atmosphere but I'm not going to just sit there and take it that's an awful example to set all the kids. I wouldn't ever swear at him in front of the kids but I don't see why I can't at a calm level tell him to fuck off when he starts up again.

I think you both need to "put on a performance" for ALL the DC. Discuss and sort the arguments properly between you, get marriage counselling or split up if you can't be reasonably civil/polite to each other in front of (any) DC.

ETA just saw your last post - is he starting arguments in front of DC? What do you mean by "he starts up again"?

I agree I think its crunch time just got to get some ducks lined up

@trextape

Across the threads you seem to have an unusual take on the issues.

He is not reasonable that's the issue. He's watched too much of some sort of YouTube tik tok rubbish and thinks I need to be sahm

@TooLateForRoses 🦆 🦆 🦆. Do it. Your child will be happier with separated parents than they will in an atmosphere - kids aren't stupid, they know when somethings not right. Plus better for you, obviously.

No law says you have to be around him or his dc... Make your own plans for the weekend whilst making long term plans also. Let him know you mean business..

I think this context was really important - he's being ridiculous. I think if he says those things in front of any of the DC you just need to calmly state it's not happening and carry on with your day. And yes, ducks in a row in the longer term.

Because it's emotional abuse speaking like that in front of children. Grow up the pair of you or split up don't subject innocent children to that nonsense.

If you have an issue then sort it or plan an exit don't let children be the collateral damage.

I hate the red carpet for the DSC - everyone should be treated the same (properly!)

Time to get out, sounds like.

You misunderstand I DON'T speak to him like that in front of the kids. But in front of the kids there is an atmosphere. He's so grumpy and angry and blames me because I'm "not doing what I'm told" and I've had enough.

Why is the context important? He's asked me to "be nice" and compliant basically. And I've had enough.

Yes in front of the children are you really ok with this behaviour in front of your child?

Not ok in front of any of the children, and I'm pretty sure that telling someone to fuck off never stopped them from being a dick.

Best option in the short term if you can't be civil is to be out.

Not his no. But mine is fine. Why should I teach them that they have to do whatever the man asks

You both need to get your act together or split. You both can't act like this around either your shared or step children. That being said I'm not telling you to take shit from him either, do you currently work op? Why does he suddenly want you to be a stepford wife and a sahm?