Birthday acknowledgment

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I've been with my DH for 20 years we were both widowed when we met and married. He has 3 grown up children who don't live with us also we have grandchildren. I have none of my own children In the 20 years we've been together I've probably had 6 birthday cards or greetings from them. They just don't remember. or I don't matter much to them. DH has occasionally reminded them and they've sent me a card. I used to get upset but I don't anymore, I am hurt by it though

I get on with my step kids I think they like me or at least they are pleasant and polite with me.

Does this happen to anyone else and what to you do about it

I dont so cards for anyone i less its someone who would be upset by not receiving one (my mum) we dont send crads to siblings etc

Jeez my step kids don't even send cards to their half brother and sister! They were 12 and 14 when I married their father and the 14 year old lived with us full time. Don't think they've ever given me a card.
They are in their 30s now and their father passed easy years ago. I still see them on occasion but I'm terrible with sending cards/gifts to their kids (one each). I do at Xmas without fail though.

My late husband’s DC was the OW in her relationship, so maybe she was projecting with me.

Unfortunately, her partner died and she seemed to become a bit more sympathetic to me for a while, but that changed again.

She seemed convinced that I was the OW, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. I suspect that the issue was the fact that the ex did want my husband to return…after she’d been living with her boyfriend for two yrs. (They each kept their own place, however.)

When my DH died, I was poleaxed. We’d been married 27 yrs.

I recall listening in disbelief as his DIL told me that the ex was ‘devastated ’. She was taken to and from the funeral by her 4th partner.

3 days later, she was on my doorstep, asking what I was doing with my husband’s ashes. (I’d already discussed it with his kids and they said they were happy with it.)

The whole experience was surreal.

I think the mistake I made was being kind. She was mentioned in the eulogy - after all they’d been married nearly as long as we were and they had the kids together - but this seemed to give her the idea that I could be treated as some kind of junior wife.

Cards aren’t a thing in the country we live in (DH’s country) so it would be unreasonable of me to be bothered by the lack of them. I manage not to be bothered when my 3 teen/young adult DSCs don’t sent me a single text between them to wish me a happy birthday if they’re at their mum’s. I am, however, bothered by the way they don’t even mutter ‘happy birthday’ if they happen to be here on my birthday, not once in 13 years. I don’t expect a gift, I don’t expect flowers, I don’t expect them to bake a cake, but I think not wishing happy birthday to someone under the same roof is just rude. DH doesn’t understand why it bothers me - he says that if it’s not sincere, spontaneous, heartfelt, what’s the point? Whereas I think some basic manners and respect for others would go a long way. Forget the eldest, who barely speaks to me, but the younger two and I have a reasonable relationship most of the time. It seems not to extend, though, to situations which are about me, not them, so as long as I keep it focused on them and their needs we’re fine. Life’s not like that, though.

@WearyAuldWumman
I could write a book on the insane behaviour of the ex and his DC, she is obsessed with money, he is more than generous and the rare occasion he's put his foot down (over £3000 xmas presents etc) she had the cheek to mention that I earned well so why couldn't he afford it!! we didn't even live together at the time!!!
We're second class citizens but our money is good!

That sounds familiar.

I mentioned upthread that DH’s ex’s 3rd partner was DH’s best pal.

He warned DH not to give money to the kids. The ex inherited everything from her Affair Partner and was (according to him) always giving the kids money.

Looking back, the only time they seemed happy was when we gave them things.

The strange thing is that they were financially much better off than us - or should have been.

I suspect that they convinced themselves that anything they got from us only came from their dad - in spite of the fact that he retired in ‘98 and did not have a good pension. (He got his qualifications late in life.)

One thing that strikes me as odd: one time I specifically sent a present of wine to DH’s Dil when she had a difficult period supporting a sibling and an in-law during illness, and I empathised with her, so I sent her wine and made certain that her name was on the address label.

There was no particular occasion, but I reckoned she was having a hard time of it. The label said it was from me - basically, it was from one carer to another.

DH’s son sent me an email thanking me for sendingthem the wine.

Hmmm. All the stranger since (apart from my husband’s birthday) the one who used to phone was the Dil rather than the son.

I’m overthinking! Maybe he was just trying to be nice.

We've not been together as long (3 years) but my stepkids are 16 & 13 and the 16 year old girl always goes out of her way to wish my a happy birthday & buys me something and she even gets me Mother's Day stuff which is lovely! It's funny cos I'm 11 years older than her but I feel 30+years older !! (13 year old is a boy and is lovely but isn't interested in bdays)

I'd be sad if they didn't care though in years to come

I dont think I have ever sent any of my parents or step parents a birthday card.

@WearyAuldWumman

You seem fixated on the affair your husband's ex had.
That really doesn't have anything to do with birthday acknowledgements as a SP.

Fixated?

Possibly. The ex allowed her children to think that her marriage had failed because her husband had a roving eye. The reality was that he left because of her affair. So yes - it grates somewhat, since the false information undoubtedly coloured their attitude towards me.