Holiday dilemma four teens (blended)

[Justworkingitout]

My partner and I have four teens between us (eldest is a girl age 16 and the other 3 are boys aged 12 to 15). Two are mine and two are his.

All very different and my girl has social anxiety and is very adhd so craves stimulation! She’s complex.

We’ve had okay holidays all together when they were younger but it’s so hard working out what we can do now.

My income is a lot lower than my partner’s income so I can’t afford much.

We can’t do anything adventurous as my eldest can’t handle it. We tried a villa abroad last year but my eldest couldn’t handle the isolation (!) and the hol was a disaster. As I said she is very complex.

She says she wants to stay in a hotel but that means I’d have to share a room with her and her 14 year old brother (and my partner will share another room with his teen boys) but I think my two will kill each other by the end of day 1.

I should also add my girl is doing GCSEs this year and is desperate to go away in the summer. Maybe we should just have separate holidays?! But my partner and I are sad about that prospect as it’ll be our only holiday this year.

We would really appreciate your thoughts. What do you all do?

[Floofydawg]

Can you afford to do one holiday with your own kids, and then one with your partner and no kids?

[Hoplolly]

Separate holidays is the way forward.

[Cbljgdpk]

Isolation in what way? Holiday apartment in a busy area? I’ve stayed in 1 bed apartments within a hotel in Spain and other European countries; there’s normally a bed in the lounge for the third person and it gives everyone more space

[Cbljgdpk]

Two separate ones that is to you and your partner.

[user1492757084]

Can you and your daughter take a holiday together, aimed to suit her.

Then your DP go on with all the boys on an adventurous one.

Have somesmaller day trips all together.

[Youcannotbeseriousreally]

@Hoplolly

Separate holidays is the way forward.

I mean, you’re basically on separate holidays if you and your kids are in one place and him ind his in another room!

Get a 2 bed suite, or adjoining room? that’s what we do. Otherwise I’m not on holiday with my husband!

re the kids killing each other, if they can’t behave, don’t take them! Maybe an adults only holiday is actually the solution!

[Hellsmells]

But even if you went on separate holidays, wouldn't you still be sharing a room with your two kids? Or do you mean separate as in just you and your DD?

[Hoplolly]

@Youcannotbeseriousreally Yeah you are but I mean totally separate. It just makes life much easier than trying to plan food and activities to suit everyone.

[Ionacat]

What about something like Landal, Eurocamp, Yelloh etc. with mobile homes. You could pick one with a decent pool (some have large pool complexes with water slides, others are quieter!) and things to do on site but also perhaps near a town so sight seeing, gentle wander and make it so you don’t all have to do the same things during the day but perhaps meet up for dinner. Those sites are generally cheaper than hotels so you could probably have more rooms.

[MillicentMargaretAmanda]

I don't know what your budget is like but would something like this work? https://www.manorandashburyresorts.co.uk/ It's a catered hotel with loads of activities going on so you could potentially hive the kids off to activities they are interested in and you and your partner have some time together? Won't solve the room situation though :-(

[Justworkingitout]

@Hellsmells

But even if you went on separate holidays, wouldn't you still be sharing a room with your two kids? Or do you mean separate as in just you and your DD?

Yes I would still have to share if it’s just me and the two kids and we are in a hotel.

[Justworkingitout]

@Floofydawg

Can you afford to do one holiday with your own kids, and then one with your partner and no kids?

Could do that if my partner is okay about paying for our holiday (without the kids)

[Hellsmells]

Then you might as well still all go together, albeit in separate rooms. Or are you worried that the atmosphere between your two would impact your partner and his kids? Would you be able to have all boys in one room and you and DD in another to help redce tensions? Why has your DD decided on a hotel specifically?

[Fulshaw]

Why not do a villa again but one that’s central? Or a holiday apartment, in a block?

[ZekeZeke]

Villas don't have yo be isolating. You can get a 3 or 4 bedroom villa central.
You can do all inclusive in a resort with bungalow style 3/4 bedroom homes.

[Justworkingitout]

@Hellsmells

Then you might as well still all go together, albeit in separate rooms. Or are you worried that the atmosphere between your two would impact your partner and his kids? Would you be able to have all boys in one room and you and DD in another to help redce tensions? Why has your DD decided on a hotel specifically?

Yep I’m always worried that my two loud very adhd kids have an impact on his very quiet kids. I think she doesn’t know what she wants to do tbh - she just gets an idea in her head!

[Rabbiehdbek]

Can’t you do a villa in a busier location?

The whole sleeping in different rooms etc sounds crap.

The fact you have 4 kids between you and because they are not related they can’t really share rooms properly like biological siblings. You’re stuck.

You can always look on https://www.jet2holidays.com/large-family-groups

in the hopes of finding something good.

[thestepmumspacepodcast]

What type of things do the kids like doing? What type of thing do you and DP like doing?

Would a villa somewhere central work?

If not then one hol for you & your kids and one for him & his sounds like it could be a good answer. Among the Stepmums I hear from it tends to be that they are all for this idea but the men never are....!! 🤔

[Justworkingitout]

@thestepmumspacepodcast

What type of things do the kids like doing? What type of thing do you and DP like doing?

Would a villa somewhere central work?

If not then one hol for you & your kids and one for him & his sounds like it could be a good answer. Among the Stepmums I hear from it tends to be that they are all for this idea but the men never are....!! 🤔

yep I can relate! So I’ve said to my partner that a holiday with two rooms is best - one for me and my kids and one for him and his sons. He wasn’t too happy but a villa with a pool in a town or city is v expensive .

[Sunflours]

Blended family here, 5 teens. Try Vrbo for a villa/house. We've used this for places in France, Spain and Majorca, each had their own pool. Kids loved it. Hire a car or take your own car on the ferry/tunnel if France and go for days out to beach, water parks, shopping, theme parks.

[MeridianB]

Sorry OP, but I think all the children are the priority here. I’d take separate holidays so your DD feels comfortable and your partner’s boys can do their thing and have fun without a repeat of last year.

[ToastyToes101]

Can you look for a hotel with a suite? We stayed in one in the summer with 2 bedrooms, a kitchenette and 2 bathrooms, but it was part of a big hotel complex with a pool, restaurant etc and was centrally located in a city.

[Ellmau]

What's your actual budget?

[Justworkingitout]

@ToastyToes101

Can you look for a hotel with a suite? We stayed in one in the summer with 2 bedrooms, a kitchenette and 2 bathrooms, but it was part of a big hotel complex with a pool, restaurant etc and was centrally located in a city.

Where did you find this one?

[Stepmumptsd]

We do separate holidays. I tried the blended experience with my partner - three hellish holidays - but in order to stay with him I had to have him accept I would never take a holiday with him and his kids ever again. One of them is lovely, has intense special needs but very sweet. He comes to stay with me on his own sometimes when one of the parents is desperate for respite care. The other one (who I believe has ADHD) just whines and tantrums when I’m around and says ‘go away get off my dad.’ Gets a kick out of upsetting me and my child. Again, could be ADHD. Needs a test.

DP is utterly spineless with him out of divorce guilt and on holiday would let him dominate him from 0800 to 2300. I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to speak to DP without the child interrupting constantly. He would throw a fit that DP slept with me and not in his room with him. Once DP took my child on a water slide and his kid had a 2 hour meltdown about it. I tried for years to be a good friend to this kid and he has had lots of expensive therapy to help him process his parents’ divorce but either his core belief is that his mum and dad would get back together if I went away, or he just has untreated ADHD and is emotionally dis regulated all of the time. He would shout at me constantly ‘you’re not my mum.’ Indeed. Very glad not to be. (And if I was I’d have taken him for his ADHD test by now.)

So I take my child on cheap and cheerful holidays with friends and we all enjoy each others’ company. If I’m going to pay for a holiday I’m going to enjoy it. DP and me go on our own holiday every other Xmas when our kids are with the exes. DP takes his in summer to, yes, obviously, Disney. I hate Disney. So this works.