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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

I need help

42 replies

Sunbutton · 12/03/2024 17:26

I was a single mam for 9 years and have been in a relationship for 3 years now . my partner has decided that he doesn't want my boys to continue playing football as he says it restrict what we can do when we they have games? What do I do?
My children enjoy playing football do I make them stop to keep him happy and my kids sad or tell him to get lost because he's told me if I want this relationship football has to stop.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MadamVastra · 12/03/2024 17:29

Get rid of him and keep the football. Otherwise bad times are coming.

Whattobakeiwonder · 12/03/2024 17:30

The first reply is spot on. Your children come first, to say nothing of his controlling ultimatum.

Exasperatednow · 12/03/2024 17:31

It's really controlling.

GrazingSheep · 12/03/2024 17:32

Who is more important to you - your children or your partner?

laughinglovingliving · 12/03/2024 17:32

Tell him to fuck off! 😁

GLC789 · 12/03/2024 17:32

Goodbye to the selfish arse.

Keep your kids in football

romdowa · 12/03/2024 17:33

Put your children first? How is this even a question?

workshy46 · 12/03/2024 17:34

Dear god you have to ask ?? Like Seriously..
He is a controlling selfish arsehole
Are you that desperate for a guy you would even consider this. Honestly I despair most days reading things on this site that women put up with to keep absolute cretins..

Scaffoldingisugly · 12/03/2024 17:35

How is this even a question?

SharedAccountWithMySister · 12/03/2024 17:36

Your poor kids - the fact that you are contemplating his ultimatum speaks volumes.

Original poster

Sunbutton · 12/03/2024 17:38

My children but they love him and have said they would give up football but it doesn't sit right to me, as a child growing up my parents went everywhere with us as kids for sport and made sacrifices but he never allowed his own kids that are grown up do sports or dancing and says it never hurt his kids not to be tied down to competition every weekend. He was separated from his first wife and only got them twice a week but they could not do things on his night as it took up his time with them.

OP posts:

Mischance · 12/03/2024 17:40

Red flags waving!

He did not allow his own children to pursue their hobbies and now wants to do the same with yours?! I don't think so!

excelledyourself · 12/03/2024 17:40

he says it restrict what we can do when we they have games?

Correct. Does he think you don't understand the concept of time??

Mollyplop999 · 12/03/2024 17:40

But this isn't about him and his children. It's about your children, and I like other posters can't believe that you'd even contemplate his selfish demands. It's the start of a slippery slope.

coxesorangepippin · 12/03/2024 17:41

Get rid

Pronto

excelledyourself · 12/03/2024 17:43

My children but they love him and have said they would give up football

How did this even come up with the children?

Foxblue · 12/03/2024 17:44

No good man would ask this.

Holypricks · 12/03/2024 17:46

What an own goal. Show him the red card OP

Holypricks · 12/03/2024 17:46

And why oh why are you involving the children. Please stop.

Beamur · 12/03/2024 17:47

It sounds like he has always put his own needs first..

Ponderingwindow · 12/03/2024 17:48

The only question here is why are you letting this man be a part of your children’s lives.

NWQM · 12/03/2024 17:49

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here.....Football can an all consuming hobby totally taking over weekends and lots of training in the week. Standing on the sidelines in the cold and the rain to watch for the 99th time can be trying. I know plenty of families where the kids do not play in competitive teams because they go to second homes / caravans etc and couldn't if sports played .......

So is he just fed up? Does he play a part in the driving about? Is cost a factor?

He presumably simply can't decide - they arent his kids - but I would need to ask so what does he envisage you all do instead

Ultimately my answer would be take a running a jump. We are committed to them being part of the team and it benefits us so tough if you don't like that it but it has nothing to do with our relationship. I am afraid to say he could just looking for a way out without having to the 'bad guy' and to paint you as that. No one in their right minds though would think badly of you for putting your kids first

Sweetheart7 · 12/03/2024 17:49

How old are you both? He's a red flag do not move in with this man. This is the start OP... run for the hills!

PurpleBugz · 12/03/2024 17:57

Nope I wouldn't be agreeing to that. Kid's first every time

Original poster

Sunbutton · 12/03/2024 18:02

For the first two years yes he did come to every match but then opened up to say he hated it and didn't want to go for the next season so I go on my own and I update him all the way through the games because he's asks how there getting on, one plays out and the other is the team's keeper we do holidays abroad during the season which also puts pressure on the team to find a keeper to cover we do lots of things together as a family camping motorhomes paddle boarding bike rides boards games and try to get away to family festivals when we can but I think his main issue is that when the season is over the training and games don't stop the manager likes to enter the team in lots of comps and friendly matches most weekends.

OP posts:

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