I need help

[Sunbutton]

I was a single mam for 9 years and have been in a relationship for 3 years now . my partner has decided that he doesn't want my boys to continue playing football as he says it restrict what we can do when we they have games? What do I do?
My children enjoy playing football do I make them stop to keep him happy and my kids sad or tell him to get lost because he's told me if I want this relationship football has to stop.

How do the children even know about this ?? Did you tell them ?? Like put all the guilt and responsibility on them for your happiness. It just gets worse and worse. Poor kids.. there are no words

Some people don’t want the commitment or level of commitment that sport involves.

they would rather be able to go away on weekends, visit relatives, do family activities etc.

my brother and his ex had this in reverse. When they were married he took them to a lot of sport, they were good swimmers, did the weekend galas etc. after they divorced his ex refused to take them any more, saying she didn’t want to spend her time hanging round pools and never being able to plan things.

that’s her right and her choice. Felt for the kids as they wanted to carry on, but what can you do.

so I do think he has every right to say it’s interfering in your lives and he doesn’t like the amount of time it takes up or the weekend commitment that means no one can do anything else. However if he’s offered an ultimatum then he is forcing you and the kids to choose, which is unfair.

is there a compromise? Any less intense teams? Or does their ability mean they need this level?

it’s tough, but it’s basically different parenting styles/ideas. They’re your kids, you have to decide what’s best for them.

My DSD is in a football team and I'll be perfectly honest, everything about football is a huge pain in the arse. I totally get where your partner is coming from.
However, hell would freeze over before I said a word about making her stop something she enjoys and which is good for her in a number of ways.
What a knob you've got there.

Agree with this!!!! Your children will remember if you made them stop playing football just for some selfish arse.

So football is a real pain the the arse tbh. But I think it’s really unkind of him to basically make you choose.

I hate the bloody football.

As a dance mum, I get it. But these are YOUR children, not his so this decision is down to you.

If you're wanting to compromise (which you shouldn't have to), try find a team which is less competitive. Our dance school do festivals 6 times a year. Then there's panto in December & January. And exams the week before Christmas. When we joined, I asked how flexible they were with this, as we have a holiday home and I also work full time so it's nice to have some time to myself. And they were willing to flex. So my daughter doesn't participate in "group" dances. She also only does solo competitive dances, so no duets/trios. Festivals are only entered IF we have nothing on.

It sounds to me that this is a very full on team, which is great, but might not fit with your other commitments. If you feel you must do this, speak to them first about whether your boys can be exempt from certain games/competitions. Or find a team that is less competitive.

Stop involving your children in this shit right now, don't make them responsible for adult crap, it's fucking appalling. And if I sound over the top on the matter, it's because it's the way my whole childhood was spent.

It took me till my 40's to be able to start to learn that my own wants and needs were valid, after being taught by my mother to be a people pleaser.

I didn't involve the children they over heard the conversation and are not babies so spoke to us like the young adults that they are. There 12 not five!! They asked him why he had stopped coming to football and he explained to them that he didn't enjoy football, and they agreed if he didn't enjoy it he shouldn't have to watch them play three times a week. The boys discussed leaving there team at the end of the season as they had started to stop enjoying it and as a mother I said it was there choice if they played or not as long as they where happy that's all that mattered to me. They said they hadn't enjoyed it for some time due to lots of new players coming and going and finding it hard to all gel as a team and games getting lost. So it was a perfect opportunity for us to continue our other activities without having the restrictions. Just the other day one of our boys has decided he wants to see if he can move to a new team instead of stopping. And this has caused a fight because my partner wants to be able to plan weekends away for us as a family and now can't.

You don't need to keep typing out paragraphs.
Dump your boyfriend, obviously. Shocking that this is even a question.

Another vote to drop the BF. He’s totally unreasonable and childish in the way he’s handled this and tried to call the shots.

I did what I thought best and told him it was over.

Good. Next time find yourself a football loving partner.

When?

why on earth do people bring a new partner into the family when they’re not prepared to make space for them, compromise and consider their needs?

Football really isn't the issue here. The issue is that he threatens you with losing the relationship with him if you don't do as he says. Shows how much he values the relationship, doesn't it?
I wonder what else you or your boys will have to sacrifice to keep him happy.

Could you change your story any faster to suit yourself? In your first post you said they enjoyed football.

Course you have.