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Original poster

STEP PARENTS - Mother's day cafe

69 replies

jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 10:54

How are you? You doing OK today?

My stepkids just completely ignored it was mothers day this morning and have now gone to see their mum. I didn't even get a good morning or goodbye. No idea what's up with that. My LO made me a nice card.

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Original poster
jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 14:00

AnnaSewell · 10/03/2024 13:55

I've had a WhatsApp from my stepdaughter with a picture of her two children. She says 'Thank you for being such a fantastic Nan to these two! Also for all your encouragement and support for me too! This year the day completely crept up on me - sorry I didn't post a card.'

Aw cute!

OP posts:
Itsmeamandaberry · 10/03/2024 14:43

jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 13:54

In that case I'll ignore their birthdays as they didn't ask for me to get involved did they........

So silly

They don't acknowledge my birthday and after Xmas last year I am refusing to do Christmas. I will give my DH 1/2 the budget as normal but I'm not running around shops and worrying. They're his kids so he can sort it.

Foxesandsquirrels · 10/03/2024 15:02

Itsmeamandaberry · 10/03/2024 14:43

They don't acknowledge my birthday and after Xmas last year I am refusing to do Christmas. I will give my DH 1/2 the budget as normal but I'm not running around shops and worrying. They're his kids so he can sort it.

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This thread has made me so sad. Why is your DH not making any effort? This is really poor. Most kids are selfish unless taught otherwise.

sunlovingcriminal · 10/03/2024 15:03

@Foxesandsquirrels hear hear. Completely agree.

Itsmeamandaberry · 10/03/2024 15:20

@Foxesandsquirrels my husband goes above and beyond making our DD has Mothers day etc presents sorted for me.

There's no respect from their mum towards me and I think it comes from there. So I just don't bother. I'm kind and welcoming to the DSC but I'm not carrying the mental load for them any more.

Before people come for me I'm not there OW or says it's because I have my own child now I can assure you it's not.

We spent a fortune on them and didn't even get a thank you before our DD came along they didn't even bother about Father's Day for him.

ShakeNvacStevens · 10/03/2024 16:21

Sorry your DSC ignored you @jellyfishbubbles and thank you for starting the thread. I hope your day has been ok overall.

Sunnysundae · 10/03/2024 16:35

Oh it's the worst day!

Every year I think maybe this is the year, but alas no. Highlight this year was actually following dsd round the shop while she chose presents for her mum

I get the kids, they're definitely not thoughtful kids, infact they're mean kids! But my oh, I do wish he'd acknowledge it. Even just a hug and a thank you for all you do moment would do.

Anyway I'm going to go for a walk with the dog and then cook a roast for everyone, do yet another load of washing, get uniforms and lunches ready for the morning etc

Illpickthatup · 10/03/2024 17:01

Sunnysundae · 10/03/2024 16:35

Oh it's the worst day!

Every year I think maybe this is the year, but alas no. Highlight this year was actually following dsd round the shop while she chose presents for her mum

I get the kids, they're definitely not thoughtful kids, infact they're mean kids! But my oh, I do wish he'd acknowledge it. Even just a hug and a thank you for all you do moment would do.

Anyway I'm going to go for a walk with the dog and then cook a roast for everyone, do yet another load of washing, get uniforms and lunches ready for the morning etc

Edited

Why isn't your OH doing all this? Not just today buttery day.

letstrythatagain · 10/03/2024 17:06

Sunnysundae · 10/03/2024 16:35

Oh it's the worst day!

Every year I think maybe this is the year, but alas no. Highlight this year was actually following dsd round the shop while she chose presents for her mum

I get the kids, they're definitely not thoughtful kids, infact they're mean kids! But my oh, I do wish he'd acknowledge it. Even just a hug and a thank you for all you do moment would do.

Anyway I'm going to go for a walk with the dog and then cook a roast for everyone, do yet another load of washing, get uniforms and lunches ready for the morning etc

Edited

Must admit I'm a bit confused by this. I'm a step mum and my daughter has a step mum. It would never occur to me to expect anything from the step kids on Mother's Day. We (me and their dad) did take them shopping on Friday to get things for their mum.

I'm wondering now if I should have sorted a card for my daughters step mum 🤔.

Sunnysundae · 10/03/2024 17:24

letstrythatagain · 10/03/2024 17:06

Must admit I'm a bit confused by this. I'm a step mum and my daughter has a step mum. It would never occur to me to expect anything from the step kids on Mother's Day. We (me and their dad) did take them shopping on Friday to get things for their mum.

I'm wondering now if I should have sorted a card for my daughters step mum 🤔.

Show quote history

It's a lovely thing to do if you feel it's right. Their mum did it for me back in 2021 but I think that's just because she was grateful I'd been doing most of the home schooling for the last year. Haha.

Her and I get on really well. A few weeks back we were all at a family event together. When she left, she gave me a hug and said thank you for loving my kids like you do and looking after them etc. left me in tears! And enough for me this year.

It's just my other half that winds me up! But then I'm not sure it even crosses his mind. I have to remind him to get something for his mum.

letstrythatagain · 10/03/2024 18:56

@Sunnysundae that sounds lovely 😊. Tbh my daughter doesn't quite have the same set up with her stepmum unfortunately. They get on well but are not particularly close I would say. I mentioned it to my daughter this evening and she looked at me like I was nuts so perhaps not 🤣🤣

CapitalKnockers · 10/03/2024 22:34

@jellyfishbubbles I hear you, I had a similar situation in my house today. I struggle to get even a hello or goodbye from my SKs these days (14 and 12), so I've never expected much from them with regards to mothers day. I've been in their lives for 8 years. These days I just let it wash over me and focus on my own DD. My DD buys my partner something for Father's day every year and has done for years despite her own dad still being very much in her life, but I accept this is her choice and they make their own. I'd be lying if it didn't make me a little bad sad though, it's hardly what you think would happen when you go into having a blended family.

Ujustcantandwont · 10/03/2024 22:49

I hate this ‘but you aren’t their mother’ nonsense. We’ve all moved on in the world that most people acknowledge Mother’s Day to an extent where they acknowledge the important women in their lives. Whether that be an auntie or a sister or a friend. Children can have so many positive influences in their lives. And a SM can be one of those. My DSC were celebrating with their Mum later today but were here most of the day. Yes I would have felt put out if they hadn’t acknowledged that to me, I’m not their Mum but I look after and love and support them. I wouldn’t expect it but I would hope they would

Illpickthatup · 11/03/2024 09:42

Ujustcantandwont · 10/03/2024 22:49

I hate this ‘but you aren’t their mother’ nonsense. We’ve all moved on in the world that most people acknowledge Mother’s Day to an extent where they acknowledge the important women in their lives. Whether that be an auntie or a sister or a friend. Children can have so many positive influences in their lives. And a SM can be one of those. My DSC were celebrating with their Mum later today but were here most of the day. Yes I would have felt put out if they hadn’t acknowledged that to me, I’m not their Mum but I look after and love and support them. I wouldn’t expect it but I would hope they would

Exactly. People are quick to say "takes more than sperm to be a dad". There's more to being a parent than biology. Mother is a verb.

SMs who do play a big part in their stepkids lives absolutely deserve recognition. They have no obligation to do school runs, wash clothes, organise parties, make the Halloween costumes, change the bed sheets at 3am cos they've vomited, sit through hours of bloody Bluey! But they do it anyway because they love those kids. They're raising kids they didn't choose to put on this earth so I thinking it's a bit harsh to just say "but you're not their mother".

Foxesandsquirrels · 11/03/2024 10:43

Illpickthatup · 11/03/2024 09:42

Exactly. People are quick to say "takes more than sperm to be a dad". There's more to being a parent than biology. Mother is a verb.

SMs who do play a big part in their stepkids lives absolutely deserve recognition. They have no obligation to do school runs, wash clothes, organise parties, make the Halloween costumes, change the bed sheets at 3am cos they've vomited, sit through hours of bloody Bluey! But they do it anyway because they love those kids. They're raising kids they didn't choose to put on this earth so I thinking it's a bit harsh to just say "but you're not their mother".

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I'm not a step mum nor had one but this thread genuinely shook me. I've never been on this part of Mumsnet and I'm so sad for them! Of course step mum is a mum! To not even get a thank you or good morning is so so sad and I truly hope this isn't a representation of what most step parents experience.
If a step mum wasn't doing all the things you've listed she'd get called evil and heartless.

Hoplolly · 11/03/2024 12:31

I got a card from my SC but my DH will have made them write it, I can't imagine when they are old enough to sort this stuff on their own that I'll even factor.

harryclr · 11/03/2024 23:15

I dont want or expect anything from SC for Mothers Day. I actually felt awkward and uncomfortable in the morning celebrating it with my 2 little ones and SD awkwardly waiting to be taken to her Mums. In hindsight I think it would be have better if she went the night before. Maybe its just my set up but does anyone else feel awkward? Like you cant behave as you naturally would with your own kids when SC is about incase they feel uncomfortable or left out?

obsessedwithfreshbread · 11/03/2024 23:22

harryclr · 11/03/2024 23:15

I dont want or expect anything from SC for Mothers Day. I actually felt awkward and uncomfortable in the morning celebrating it with my 2 little ones and SD awkwardly waiting to be taken to her Mums. In hindsight I think it would be have better if she went the night before. Maybe its just my set up but does anyone else feel awkward? Like you cant behave as you naturally would with your own kids when SC is about incase they feel uncomfortable or left out?

That is 100% on you if you make your SC feel like they are an imposition.
That child is part of your family, and like it or not you are their step mum and your DC are their siblings the very least should've been them helping your little ones celebrate with you

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