Mothers Day/ Fathers Day

[GlassCaseOfEmotions]

Just curious what happens in other blended households really!

What does your household do for Mothers Day/ Fathers Day when it comes to gifts/ cards?

As step parents, do you expect gifts?

As the biological parent, do you expect other biological parent or step parent to buy on behalf of kids? (SM buys for dad, or SD buys for mum, or does mum/ dad buy for ExP?).

At what age are children expected to start buying their own gifts for their parents?

I don't know why this has popped in to my head today 🤣

They're lucky their mother wanted them. Our transition day is Sunday 6pm (50:50 week on week off). Last year mother's day fell on the Sunday they were at ours. My DH text his ex the day before and asked if she wanted to kids dropped off earlier since it was mother's day but she said no 6pm is fine.

She doesn't though, and no.

Mum's who get angry at their kids recognising their SM are obviously very insecure and need to look why that is.

@Illpickthatup not insecure, my kids are nothing to do with her, she is their dad's girlfriend not their step mother and doesn't live with him, she has her own kids she doesn't need anything from mine and they don't need anything from her, they have their dad and me, you know, their actual parents.

You originally said you didn’t think it’s her place to buy for their dad because they’re not her children, which is a totally different reason than she’s just a girlfriend, they don’t live together and she plays no parenting role at all in your DC’s upbringing. It’s hardly surprising you came across as being insecure about step parents when the woman you say you’d be fuming if your DC bought her Mother’s Day presents isn’t even in that role!

Nothing about my first post said that they lived together and even if they did I stand by my comments, not her place to give father's day or receive mother's day cards/gifts except to facilitate her own children with their dad or receive from her own children.

Well thankfully for her it's not your place to dictate what she does or what relationship she has with your kids.

@Illpickthatup you sound like a bitter step person that doesn't understand boundaries

Says the person who would be fuming at their kid buying a card.

Also "step-person". Love this. Going to start using this regularly 🤣

Yes a Mother's day card for not their mother or a fathers day card when the DC already getting one for their dad. My DC can buy all the birthday, thank you or Xmas cards they like and I won't care.

You can actually buy "step-mum" "step-dad" "like a mum" etc cards because many people recognise that there's more to being a parent than just biology.

If someone tried to tell my kids I wasn't their parent or a real mum because I didn't birth them they would laugh in their face.

Maybe you don't see your ex's girlfriend as a step-parent, maybe your kids don't either, but if they ever felt like they did want to recognise her on mother's day who are you to tell them how to feel?

I get that there maybe children whose own parents don't do what they should for them for whatever reason, but when parents do, the children have no need to recognise anyone else on mother's/father's day

I think it very much depends what role they play in the child's life.
I receive step-mom cards and gifts on Mother's Day as we are a big part of each others lives and I have a part in their upbringing 50% of the time and they do the same for their stepdad as he is equally significant the other 50% of the time.

I facilitate getting their dad something from them but we no longer facilitate getting their mum anything after years of it being a one way system their step-dad now sorts that.

Well I don't agree. Even if both biological parents are great parents, I don't see why a step-parent who is also a great parent shouldn't be recognised.

My friend co-parents with her ex. She's a great mum, her ex is a great dad. Dad has a girlfriend who her little boy loves. She's great with him. My friend buys her flowers on mother's day and encourages her son to make or buy her a card. She is so grateful that her ex has met someone who treats her son so well and for the love she shows him.

Step child grown up now and buys own gifts but I used to buy DH birthday/Father’s Day gifts from step child as otherwise it wouldn’t have been acknowledged. This probably continued until step child was 15 or 16. Step child has never bought Mother’s Day card for me but I never expected it. Does buy me birthday/Christmas gifts though

Yet again we are shown why step persons will never win.

“Treat them like your own!”
Step person treats DSC like their own.
DSC appreciate this and would like to recognise this on Mothers or Fathers Day.
”How dare anyone think it’s appropriate for a step person to receive a card!”

🙄

We are never going to agree. A step parent is not the child's parent and does not fill that role unless one of the actual parents are not filling their roles.

In your opinion.

I think that sometimes the needs/ of the step kids get overwritten and reproduced into "what's best for the DSc" when actually it's what's more emotionally comfortable for the adults in their lives (both on step parents side and also on the parents)

I can't imagine ever reprimanding my dd for getting her dsm a "step" Mother's Day card and I'm a very active present parent. I went out with her to get a step mum card this year as I have done every year and it's important to her so it's important to me but I think I'm pretty self assured in my role as mum. Anyone who is kind and caring towards my dd should be recognised and her getting her step mother card doesn't detract from the mother day cards and gifts I get for Mother's Day.

It's just about values I suppose.

If only more parents were like you. I'll never understand why a parent can get so uptight about someone loving and caring for their child. Why would that ever be a bad thing? Surely the more love a child has and the more positive role models they have to look up to, the better.

Like you said, it doesn't take away from you. You are their mum whether they have a stepmum or not.

@namechangnancy my DC can recognise their dad's girlfriend on any other day for any other reason except that she is not their mum so no need on mother's day, but then again I don't buy mother's day/father's day cards from my DC to their grandparents either and they are loving and kind to them too

Absolutely. I wish my DCs Step Mum loved them. Or just liked them even. A child can never have too much love.

I know step-parents aren't obligated to like or love their stepkids but I don't understand why you would continue the relationship with someone or move in with them if that was the case.