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Original poster

Can’t win with SC’s mother

49 replies

mikka404 · 08/01/2024 00:12

to say we’re not on good terms would be an understatement. we started off pretty friendly, she raved on about being a blended family and i put my all into making that a thing, but her jealousy and need to be the centre of all quickly shut that down.
for a while she wouldn’t let me post pictures of my stepchildren because she didn’t know who i was friends with—we’re friends on facebook and my friends list is public for her to look through and bring up any issues with, but as the mother i respected her wishes.
fast forwards a few months, her new partner is plastering photos of the kids online. my partner pulled her up on this and said that if their stepfather can post photos then from that point forward i will be allowed to also as he has zero issues with either of us doing so. she tried to fight against this, saying she would stop her partner in future if that was the case—proving it was never about the wariness of who would see these photos, just that she didn’t want ME posting them.
in regards to photo posting, things between us have been good (that can’t be said for much else but that’s another post altogether). until today.
recently, after her endangering my newborn child for the third time, i blocked her from seeing my posts or getting in contact with me. i posted photos of our day out together (my daughter, stepchildren and partner) and she is raising HELL about it. saying if she can’t see them then i can’t post them, that i’m trying to stop her from seeing pictures of her own kids—which isn’t the case, i’m stopping her from seeing pictures of MY child. if she was to ask my partner if we had taken any photos today, i would send over the ones with my stepchildren in instantly, she’s fully aware of this as i’ve done it before.
i feel like i’m damned if i do and damned if i don’t in this situation… she has said if i post them again then i’ll “know about it”.. my partner has said to continue posting as i have as he has no issue with it, and he gets a say just as much as she does (his words, not mine).
but if i don’t post photos of them, and only my own when we’re on family days out with all 3 children, and she gets wind of it i’m going to be the biggest monster in the world, who no longer cares for my stepchildren because i now have my own..

has anyone else had this issue, or similar before? id appreciate any suggestions on where to go from here.

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AuntMarch · 08/01/2024 00:20

Why do you need to post pictures of them? I don't get it.

Arthurnewyorkcity · 08/01/2024 00:24

Are you young? You all need to grow up and stop enjoying the drama. I have never had this conversation with my husbands ex wife but I just don't post photos of her kids. That's her business. I love them, they love me. It's social media for crying out loud. You're gonna have a lot of battles over the years, don't make this one of them. Post your own kid and stop playing tit for tat. This is such a non issue

cadburyegg · 08/01/2024 00:24

you both sound unreasonable. You should have just stopped posting photos of your step kids when she asked. It is a double standard but it's not really a big ask. I wouldn't post pictures of other people's kids without asking.

recently, after her endangering my newborn child for the third time

what on earth is this about because this sounds like a much bigger deal than the picture issue? How is she "endangering" your child?

This sounds all very dramatic and silly tbh

Original poster
mikka404 · 08/01/2024 00:26

@cadburyegg you’re right, it is a much bigger deal, but not one i needed advice or suggestions on how to handle.

OP posts:
hardknocklifeforme · 08/01/2024 00:27

Goodness me - stop posting photos of other people's kids!

Original poster
mikka404 · 08/01/2024 00:27

@AuntMarch holidays, birthdays, fun days out—we post for family to see

OP posts:
MotherofChaosandDestruction · 08/01/2024 00:27

How did she endanger your child OP? You should be able to post what you like with your DP permission (as they are his children too) but is it worth it? I wouldn't die on this hill to be honest. Just post pictures of your child and if she does raise issues then remind her of what she's said.

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 08/01/2024 00:27

She doesn't want you posting photos of her kids online. I personally think that's reasonable and would bristle if my XH's partner did it. (And so would my kids.)

You've decided to keep doing it anyway - you might be 'right', in your own mind and your partner's, but in ignoring her wishes on such a simple thing you're continuing the cycle of conflict. She's going to disrespect your wishes about something else, and on it goes.

brainworms · 08/01/2024 00:31

How did she endanger your baby?

Posting photos of kids online is a bad thing to be honest, you don't know who's looking at what, and WHY. Kids are entitled to privacy too.

Original poster
mikka404 · 08/01/2024 00:37

@Boomboomshakeshaketheroom she stopped being against me posting hence why i started. it’s only now after blocking her that she has a problem again and is trying to say i’m stopping her from seeing pictures of her own children which isn’t the case at all. like i said, my partner is more than welcome to send them over to her, i just do not want her seeing my posts anymore.

i do see what you’re saying though, that it’ll only further the arguments

OP posts:
therealcookiemonster · 08/01/2024 01:02

I am firmly in the camp of not posting children's photos online because
(a) nothing IS private. you have no idea who can actually see them
(b) the children will grow up and see them and may not like what parents have posted - this is specifically an issue with influences

and in your case OP this is such a non issue to fall out over. if you want to share pics with family, create a WhatsApp group and share with family only. if the mum doesn't like it, I would just leave it.... even if her reasons are unreasonable

Meadowfinch · 08/01/2024 01:03

It's simple. Stop posting pictures of her children, and remain blocked. Your dh can post photos if he chooses to.

How did she get the chance to endanger your little one? She isn't anything to do with your baby and shouldn't have contact.

It's much easier to remain polite if you have little or no contact. There is no need.

Bellyblueboy · 08/01/2024 01:53

What age are you all? Why are you all posting so many pictures of all the children on the internet? It sounds like it has gotten out of hand!

i think you are far too focused on social media - the children wont thank you for plastering their childhood all over the internet - no one outside the parents and grandparents is really that interested, so just share photos with immediate family and stop this childish nonsense:

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/01/2024 07:58

I don’t put pictures of step kids on line. I think it’s horrible for them to always be excluded but not my issues so not getting involved in it.

I don’t know why you need to be friends with her or why this is a big deal. It’s really not your problem. Just block her and move on with your life. She shouldn’t be so influential or important to you!

lunar1 · 08/01/2024 08:35

I'd be more concerned that she's in a position to endanger your newborn three times to be honest. What's that about?

Hatenewyear · 08/01/2024 08:39

If your partner is happy with what you're doing (regarding his children) it is absolutely none of her business. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

WandaWonder · 08/01/2024 08:40

Stop posting photos, it is not rocket science

Thesearmsofmine · 08/01/2024 08:45

You shouldn’t be posting photos of her children online. If your DH wants to share them then he can (or share them privately with family members) but it is not your place to do that especially knowing that it upsets her and causes issues.

Why on earth is she having enough contact with your newborn to be able to put in danger several times.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 08/01/2024 09:15

You shouldn't be posting photos of her children online, if she's said no then don't.
I don't think any mother would be happy in that respect however what's this about her endangering her newborn? Surely this is more of a concern than posting photos?

Phonedown · 08/01/2024 09:22

How does blocking her on social media prevent her from "endangering" your child?

Unfortunately blocking someone on social media is always going to be received as an act of aggression by someone you have had previous conflict with. My advice would be to step away from social media and focus on making sure that all of these small children are not impacted anymore by this nonsense.

Psychoticbreak · 08/01/2024 09:33

How has she endangered your baby?

I see no reason for you to post pictures of her kids either.

TempleOfBloom · 08/01/2024 11:01

How utterly childish.

She asked you not to post pics of her kids. That should have been the end of it.

The ‘not fair, her partner…’ the blocking her, all childish tit for tat.

You might have gone OTT giving it your all. Can you not see that another woman posting pictures of her kids when she isn’t there, playing happy families, when she has no control over the images you put or what you say about them could have been sensitive for her?

I assume the life endangerment is something like an infection risk from your DH’s children when he is parenting them? Flip side of a blended family.

March2024baby · 08/01/2024 11:02

OP - this sounds so silly. I'm a sm and would never dream of plastering pictures of my SD all over sm. I also don't really think the whole 'living in each other's pockets' blended family thing is good for the kids, unless both parties are really chilled out and mature. I'm not friends with my sd's mum or any other family members on that side on SM. It doesn't mean there isn't mutual respect there, it's just that there is no need for us to really do that. I find this obsession with SM really odd.

Ellabellabow · 08/01/2024 13:59

On the surface this seems like it’s a lot of drama over nothing…If you take the fact that she is your DHs ex out of the equation and imagine that a family member/ friend asked you to not post photos of their children online, would it be an big issue?

Also the bit about her endangering your newborns life (3 times!) needs more information, surely this should be your biggest concern!

ChristmasSugarplumFairy · 08/01/2024 15:18

What a lot of drama over nothing.
I've never posted photos of my DSC and I wouldn't know what her mother thinks or doesn't think about that as we do not have direct contact. DH can choose what photos to share of his own child and he always makes sure we have lots of combinations of family members in photos. Nobody has to be in every single one, including DSC.
Just worry about your own kids and leave the ex to it would be my advice. Save the angst for when something important crops up.