Can’t win with SC’s mother

[mikka404]

to say we’re not on good terms would be an understatement. we started off pretty friendly, she raved on about being a blended family and i put my all into making that a thing, but her jealousy and need to be the centre of all quickly shut that down.
for a while she wouldn’t let me post pictures of my stepchildren because she didn’t know who i was friends with—we’re friends on facebook and my friends list is public for her to look through and bring up any issues with, but as the mother i respected her wishes.
fast forwards a few months, her new partner is plastering photos of the kids online. my partner pulled her up on this and said that if their stepfather can post photos then from that point forward i will be allowed to also as he has zero issues with either of us doing so. she tried to fight against this, saying she would stop her partner in future if that was the case—proving it was never about the wariness of who would see these photos, just that she didn’t want ME posting them.
in regards to photo posting, things between us have been good (that can’t be said for much else but that’s another post altogether). until today.
recently, after her endangering my newborn child for the third time, i blocked her from seeing my posts or getting in contact with me. i posted photos of our day out together (my daughter, stepchildren and partner) and she is raising HELL about it. saying if she can’t see them then i can’t post them, that i’m trying to stop her from seeing pictures of her own kids—which isn’t the case, i’m stopping her from seeing pictures of MY child. if she was to ask my partner if we had taken any photos today, i would send over the ones with my stepchildren in instantly, she’s fully aware of this as i’ve done it before.
i feel like i’m damned if i do and damned if i don’t in this situation… she has said if i post them again then i’ll “know about it”.. my partner has said to continue posting as i have as he has no issue with it, and he gets a say just as much as she does (his words, not mine).
but if i don’t post photos of them, and only my own when we’re on family days out with all 3 children, and she gets wind of it i’m going to be the biggest monster in the world, who no longer cares for my stepchildren because i now have my own..

has anyone else had this issue, or similar before? id appreciate any suggestions on where to go from here.

What you need to realise is that she is not your boss, she does not get to dictate what you do. If your DP is happy for you to post photos then that's enough. You do not need her approval. Get her blocked on social media and from being able to contact you at all. You have no need to have any contact with her. Let your DP deal with her himself.

From experience, you'll only tie yourself up in knots trying to fathom her double standards so don't even try. Ignore her. Get on with your life as you please.

You can’t win and yes, she’s hypocritical allowing her partner to post.

Your choices are 1) Block her and post what you like. Tell your h that you don’t want to hear her complaints about what you post/don’t post
2) Only post your kids and accept that she’ll be angry that her kids aren’t included 3) have your h post photos 4) Delete your Facebook and use another platform to send pics to your family.

Personally I would do 1 or 4 because posting on FB would be far too much drama for me. I would tend towards 4 as I think that positing photos of other kids isn’t ok (I know your have their dad’s permission but not posting is better )

This isn't a hill you should die on. Just stop posting. Pick your battles.

If you want your family and friends to see.. send them to them.. gosh in times before the Internet we had photos developed and showed them physically .
You are playing little girls games.
Get a grip and stop posting.. you're doing to say " look at my family.. with my stepchildren I'm the better mother doing all these family things"
Grow up .

I bet she is the sort that would say you don't love the sc if you posted photos of family days out but excluded them from photos

You should delete social media op. You'll be much happier.

You all sound about 12. Leave her blocked on everything and stop courting the drama. Let your partner speak to her regarding the kids where necessary, no need for you to get involved. Stop posting their pics if it's causing that much hassle.

If she's endangered your child three times, have you reported her to the police? That sounds serious.

This. Step away from the whole thing.

Step back from engaging with her in any way. Enjoy your newborn.

Honestly, this is all a bit juvenile and you all need to grow up. I am firmly of the belief you shouldn't post your children on social media. You literally don't know who is out there. I can understand her wishes but she completely went about it the wrong way.

Put yourself in her shoes, if you and your partner spilt and on his weekend you saw his new partner posting photos on social media of your kids, how would you feel?

The children's father can post photos and tag family.

This isn't a hill i'd pick...

Meh, it does all sound rather childish, however if your DP is happy for you to share pictures on your social media, then share away!

I post pictures of my lovely DSD on my social media as we are a family and she will be included....DP's ex made a snide comment about it once to my DSD until I pointed out the fact that she was blocked from all my social media accounts, so therefore if she doesn't want to see it, she should stop creating fake accounts to spy on us 😉

How old are you OP?

Never mind what he’s doing, just don’t post them yourself. No one, not even the parents should be putting kids online. Kids deserve privacy. You can’t control the bf but you can control yourself.

You said that to her? Jesus 😳

Just don’t post photos of them. It causes unnecessary aggravation.

I will very occasionally post photos that include my step children but my child will be in said photos as well.

Their mum has never mentioned social media as an issue, I just think it’s on their dad to post photos if he wants. If she did mention it, I’d just delete the photos. Can’t be bothered with any drama that can be easily avoided.

Let’s play this out…10 years down the line the stepchildren have their own social media, they look back at their step mums page and only see memories of the stepsiblings and not them, even though they’ll know they were there! I think that could be damaging for the children and the relationship with their sm. if children are in a public place anyone can take photos and post them. Anyone. Whether the mother likes it or not.

all that said, I myself have bio and step children, I personally, post them all, but there are considerably more of my bio kids - this is only on my private social media that I can control who sees. Now my tiktok, which is public, and pretty viral, I would never ever post my stepchildren out of respect for the bio mum (we don’t get on AT all) but morally could not do this. We have a few 1mil views videos and one 86mil views…I feel it would be very wrong to post pictures/videos in this case of sc without the consent of the mother.

Grow up.

You sound like a pair of teenage girls - you both need to grow up and move on past posting on facebook.

Just don’t post pictures of their children. I wouldn’t be comfortable with people posting pictures of my child, so she’s well within her rights not to be comfortable with that. I don’t post pictures of my stepchildren regularly at all and certainly didn’t when they were younger. Now they’re late teens/adults, it’s their decision if they’re happy to have a picture uploaded.

If you want to share pics of all the kids on a day out etc, there’s an app called ‘Family Album’ which is invite only to who you send it to. Family and close friends can be kept up to date without pictures being shared on social media

If you have let her endanger your newborn 3 times then YOU are the issue here and not her. Your and your boyfriend's job is not to endanger your child and you have put the child in danger according to you.

She is obviously not comfortable with the children's dad's girlfriend posting pictures on social media. You should respect that and not start petty fights.

As an aside you sound and write like you're very young (teenage). Do you have some support with your baby?

If you want your „family” to see pictures of your kids send them over a WhatsApp chat. You shouldn’t be posting pictures of anyone online without their permission , including children. I hate it when others post pictures of me or my kids on social media without asking for my permission (my parents and siblings do it a lot)

You need to step back from the whole situation.

remove her from your social media and let your partner be the one to have contact her with regards to their child.

trying to get to cosy with the ex can be troublesome and tricky to manage.

focus on your baby and your family unit and stop getting sucked into this immature drama.