Can you go on a trip without DSC?

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DSC (14.5) gets far more than my own DC (3) partly down to trying to keep them happy etc plus at an age where presents etc obviously do cost more.

Over the last couple of years has had all latest phones/iPads bought for them, regularly given money, school trips paid for (over £600), constant running about after them and never a thank you or very little appreciation (angers me but not my job to teach manners)

is it bad that I want to take my own DC on a trip (think France, a castle and a mouse) and not have DSC bringing down the mood with the teenage, not interested attitude? In my head I think that I can’t not include them but I also want to experience this with my DH and our DC while he is small with no dramas, bad moods, moaning they’re hungry, sore feet etc etc

Will your DH be onboard with his DC being left at home?

@VivaVivaa he seems to think they won’t be interested in going but of course we’d have to ask, which I do totally understand. I feel like deep down I just want something to be about DC for a change without the attention constantly going to the moaning, never happy teenager

The holiday you're talking about is a bit different though as it's once-in-a-lifetime for many families. Had he been before? If he went when he was young I think it's an easier sell. If he's never been then I think you should pick something a bit less special at this time. Your dc will still appreciate it in 4 or 5 years time when your dsc will be a different person.

@Darkenergy i think you’re absolutely right on that. Thank you x

I would wait to do Disney. A 3
year old will remember very little of it.

Does DSC do things with their other parent? If so, they probably get to di more than your child

Yeah I agree - wait until dc is a little bit older so they can fully appreciate and remember it and maybe do something closer to home? I think 14 year old dsc might still potentially be interested in Disney - it's got stuff for teens - rides etc so might feel a little hard done by if you leave them behind. Do empathise and understand where you are coming from though. x

@Businessflake @March2024baby thanks both. I think I love the idea of seeing DC’s face light up but you’re both right they’ll remember very little and their face will probably still light up in 5 years time!

@MrsBellsBoots yes they do and that absolutely means they do more than my DC but other people will only see our side

Not in my experience OP, we’ve never gone anywhere without DSC who is the same age as yours.

I can't see a dad of two children being happy to take just one to Disney.

I’d wait a couple of years, though I’ve never been and don’t know loads about it. And I think it’s fine to take just your DC. By then chances are low DSS would want to go and you could go when he’s doing something with his mother.

My DSC have been a couple of times, maybe even 3. Down the line if we want to take our younger ones we’ll feel fine doing so without the older ones. Big age gaps mean different activities even in together families.

I think it really wouldn't be fair to take just one child to Disney/Paris tbh.

There’s no guarantee that even a 17/19 or even a 21yo would say no to Disney though. Everyone can love Disney, plenty of adults go with no kids at all. And while I kind of understand what people are saying about taking a small child who may not remember much, I completely disagree with the sentiment. My dc was 18 months when I took them (tagged along with my brother who was taking my nephews), and he fucking loved every second of it. I’VE got the memories that are so precious to me, along with the photos which are absolutely priceless. I don’t think it can get anymore magical than for a very young child, at 3 they not only fully understand everything that’s going on, all of the magic seems so real to them

I would be able to have so many more holidays if we didn’t have to always take step kids too. But he won’t budge on it. So we all miss out. I think wait in your circumstances, 3 is still pretty young, and hope that things improve!

We took my 3 year old, she doesn't remember it now at the age of 5, and is desperate to go 😂

I tend to agree with the others here, wait a couple more years for Disney to get the most out of it.

We took our son on holiday at 21 months without my 2 dsds. Our justifications were that we were only going to go in term time because it needed to be a 'cheapy' (girls too old to take time off school now) and that DSD had just come back from a couple of seriously big ticket holidays with their mum. We had also recently done a UK break all together and several others over the past couple of years, including then having a holiday with their Dad that I didn't join.

It's really hard and a fine line. Only you know how your stepchildren will react. If you think all hell will break loose, then is it worth it? It's okay if the answer is still yes!

My husband was unsure at first, but I reminded him that his daughters got to experience term time abroad holidays as toddlers, so why should our son miss out because he has two sisters who can't take time off school.

Good luck, as a stepmum you often feel in a lose/lose situation.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally thanks for that, I’m trying so hard not to come across as a wicked step mother. I just wanted something to be about DC for a change without the constant ‘I’m tired, I don’t want to walk, my stomach hurts’ which is all you get from DSC when asked to do anything

It really depends on what you want to get out of it when deciding on what age to take them. If they’re older then obviously they can go on the big, exciting rides etc. And they can still appreciate the parades and displays if they’re into that sort of thing. But imo you can just go to any theme park for that. If you want to go at a time when they’re still believing that the princes and princesses and Micky are real, then your timeline is really shortened to around 5-6yo, if they even make it that far to still believe

Yes you can go without. Not everything has to be done altogether. Trips to DisneyParis are different with toddlers than teens. Entirely different. Go during term time when cheaper and fewer people there.

There does not need to be equal treatment of children for there to be fair treatment. Those who are telling you no generally are exes or people who have no life experience of dealing with blended families.

@Spirallingdownwards thank you for this. Generally when you weigh it up … phone contracts, pocket money/money for days out etc, school trips abroad on paper older child does certainly get more but I feel when it boils down to it people wouldn’t see it that way

It’s normal to spend vastly different amounts on dc when they are different ages and stages. If they were both your birth children would you say one was going to Disneyland but the other wasn’t because they’d had a phone and a school trip? One of mine is having 3 trips over the next 12 months that cost over £1000. We still got him Christmas presents and will take him on our family holiday (if we have one).
Not liking the kid is a different issue.

I am traumatised from being an SC that my dad and SM ‘couldn’t afford’ to take on their regular luxury holidays inc Disney with their own children. We could have all gone camping in France instead but we didn’t. I have forgiven but will never forget.

I also have told my DP I won’t do blended holidays with him and his kids anymore as they tend to get spoiled and strung out and whine and refuse to go to bed before 11 (they are preteen) or go to the kids clubs we’ve booked the expensive resorts for in the 1st place. There is no couple time. I don’t have fun.

If we had kids together, perish the thought, I would attempt to include everyone but with strong parameters for expected behaviour, holiday rules. Or I would say oh you don’t want to do this, that’s fine, I’ll be taking the ‘ours’ away by myself/with friends. You take yours.

The thing I’ve learned to do here is express my independence without excluding DP kids from anything. Men are generally terrified of taking kids away alone. No support. Now I’ve firmly told DP I don’t want to holiday with him and kids again and am happy to make my own arrangements, he’s having a think about what he could do to convince me. I don’t mind either way.

OP - echo what most people said -Disney is always controversial.

However, you are looking at it from your perspective and your DH to give him credit is saying I have 2 children and he treats then equally.

What the DSC do with their mother is irrelevant to how their DF treats them and that includes holidays. Whilst yours is pre school other trips can be fine but Disney is a biggy and always controversial. The comments on how we could go away far more if e did not take SDC ( not your comments OP) are just plain nasty and I again repsect their father for trying to treat all his DCS equitably.

keep in mind that there will be a time when your DC is getting more than the DSC as they will be an adult. They’re just getting different things as they’re at different stages

@uneffingbelievable @YetMoreNewBeginnings thank you both. It’s been really helpful to get the different opinions. Just to clarify one comment earlier said something about not liking the kid being a different issue - I do love DSC but on the other hand being a step parent is an utterly thankless job most of the time so it’s been really good just to reset my thoughts on this! Disney is definitely a big thing and I think I probably have been a bit unfair thinking I could get away with taking one and not both. X