Can you go on a trip without DSC?

[namnamnam22]

DSC (14.5) gets far more than my own DC (3) partly down to trying to keep them happy etc plus at an age where presents etc obviously do cost more.

Over the last couple of years has had all latest phones/iPads bought for them, regularly given money, school trips paid for (over £600), constant running about after them and never a thank you or very little appreciation (angers me but not my job to teach manners)

is it bad that I want to take my own DC on a trip (think France, a castle and a mouse) and not have DSC bringing down the mood with the teenage, not interested attitude? In my head I think that I can’t not include them but I also want to experience this with my DH and our DC while he is small with no dramas, bad moods, moaning they’re hungry, sore feet etc etc

Older children do cost more. You find that out when yours is a teen.

Sorry I know this isn't about me but my dad and step mum never used to take us on holiday! I think it was justified to us that they couldn't afford to take us all and that we went with my mum so those were our holidays.

Brought youngest at just gone 5 and it was hell, there’s so much walking and so much they can’t go on. Yes huge highs but then queues and crying too. Age 8 was a dream! Agree though that when sc is older he’ll still want to go, it’s as much for teens and adults as children! Tbh if I were your dh I’d want both to go but I get your side too x

namnamnam22 · Today 13:13

@Spirallingdownwards thank you for this. Generally when you weigh it up … phone contracts, pocket money/money for days out etc, school trips abroad on paper older child does certainly get more but I feel when it boils down to it people wouldn’t see it that way

Because you’re going to do all those same things for your child when they’re 14 plus still include them in family holidays, so you’re not doing anything extra or special for your step child. You’re just paying normal expenses for a teenage child.

At 14.5 your DSC will be able to be pretty independent at the park, one of the safest places to be. Any comments such as 'I can't walk, my tummy hurts etc.", "That's fine, see you back at the hotel/on this bench in 2 hours" You'll probably find they want to go on a roller coaster with Dad and you can enjoy things with your LO.

I never understand this POV. So what if they don't remember? Life is about enjoying things in the moment.

Besides, we took DS shortly after he turned 3. He still remembers it well and talks about it loads. Some kids have better memories than others.

OP, if you end up having another child in a few years, will you be excluding your eldest from family trips because they're in a more expensive stage of their life at that point? Or because they're a stroppy teen? Or will you view both your children as equals and treat them the same?

@BalletBob understand your point. Thank you

Thank you OP- I have to be fair and say I come from a very jaded point of view which my EX has done the exact opposite of yours. Mine did not go on holidays because they could "only afford " to take her 2 DCs and their joint DC as the SDCs made it too expensive - needed bigger car etc.
This was compounded by them going to Barbados, Florida, Canada, Dubai etc and my eldest aged 9 at one time, finally broke and said if we just went to Spain for week, we could all go - they went business class and 5 star so he was right.

Anyone who says the SDCs either do not notice or do not care - mine were very good at putting on a brave face to Dad and then absolutely losing it with me. They are both teens now and it still hurts - every summer there is a wistful question as to whether Dad will do anything with them this time. It hurts them and I see the red mist of rage descend and hurt for them.

Actually I’ve found parents with large age gap kids do treat them differently. My friends didn’t take their eldest on holiday this year ( he stayed with friends) whilst the younger went.
I think it’s more about making sure children get what they actually want out of a holiday whether it’s going away with friends or their parent or step parent.
@uneffingbelievable That’s pretty terrible. Does their dad not take them anywhere ?

Taking a 3 year old to DLP is honestly a bit of a waste. I waited till my Dd was ten to make sure she remembered everything. And we've been again since 😃

Depends on the kid I guess. My 3 year old loved it, still talks about it 6 years later and they are some of our happiest memories. You may feel it's a waste for yourself, but I'm sure OP knows her child well enough without strangers online trying to talk her out of her plans.

You can, of course, go on a trip without DSC.

We go with DSC and my DC and our shared child but we also do loads with just our shared child. Why shouldn't we? DSC and my own DC also go away with their other parent, so they're not missing out on anything.

Oh and agree with @BalletBob I took my DC to Disneyworld Florida when they were 3ish and don't regret a thing. Waiting until they're older you lose some of the magic as they don't 'believe' in it all as much. We went again when they were a bit older.

I do feel for you as it is hard with an older moodier child! From the other side, I have a DS (12) with ex and DD(3) with DP and wouldn't do a proper trip without at least offering my DS to come. His Dad doesn't really go anywhere with him though so there is that difference.

I would be fine if DP took DD somewhere by himself though of course. And I'd be fine if DS didn't want to come.

At 14.5, Disney may be too uncool for DSS so you could just mention to him (without saying it is definitely happening) and see what he says.

Alternatively, if you do end up taking both then I think 14.5 is old enough to leave in a nearby hotel for a few hours if he wants to chill while you take the little one out - you don't need to drag him round. Also, you could also plan in for DSS to spend some one on one time doing older rides etc with his Dad and you have some one on one time with your DS, just to reduce the intensity?

I have just had the same argument for the 100th time about me wanting to go away with just us and our children (SD is 8 and has already been to Disney & holidays with her Mother...) my children have never been on a plane yet and I havent been on holiday since 2019...I think as Mothers its our right to want these experiences and precious moments, especially when they are so small. Yet we're made out to be 'evil' & 'selfish' - its bollocks and only creates even more resentment. The men need to try harder to understand what we need, otherwise, sadly the family wont last or we live in constant misery, guilt & resentment, which of course, isnt healthy for anyone. Sorry, ranting as I am hyped and upset x

I remember when I was 2!

Oh hun I totally get where you’re coming from! I know people will disagree with us but I think you’re right as mothers we do want to experience this with our own kids. I feel like for once I just want something to be all about my own DC without the constant drama that comes along with my SC. As much as I love them a lot of the time it’s their way or no way xx

This is child thing not a step child thing. Trust me, when your DC is old enough they will be doing the same.

I take no issue in arranging holidays for my son only. We do holidays with and without the DSC. The DSC mum takes them abroad 1/2 year which is more than my son goes. We do big holiday bi yearly as we have a place in Wales. Their mum also makes it very tricky for us just by being super judgemental... she's very much 'keeping up with the Jones' and think that holidays are only holidays if you go on a plane.

What I'd try to do is just not mention it to DSC so they don't feel excluded. Of course you can't stop your child but it's about how you manage your blended family.

At the risk of contradicting myself I do find Disney the exception to the rule. I would struggle to justify excluding DSC for somewhere that appeals to kids of all ages... beach holiday fine but DISNEY it's special.

Exactly this.