How is this new year?

[winterrabbit]

Annoyed with my DH because he is really crap with communication around when DCS, 20 and nearly 18, are staying with us over the holidays. Basically, his ex tells us when we are having them with no regard for any plans we have and he just agrees to it. He said a few weeks ago that they would be coming for New Year because we had them last Christmas. To me, New Year means sort of 28th or 29th December onwards and probably the following week. It turns of that New Year to them means 25th December for a week. How is that New Year?? His ex is from another country who celebrate Christmas on 24th so she's clearly doing that then sending them here OR she is following the school holidays and she gets first week and he gets second. Really cross as my mother is coming to stay over Christmas and I need the extra room plus want some quiet time with her as I've barely seen her this year. So I told DH that to me, New Year is not frigging Christmas Day, it's 27th or ideally 28th onwards, which he has of course misconstrued and is claiming DCS aren't welcome. It's like this every year, always some misunderstanding and his ex calling all the shots.

So your kids will be there but your DHs kids are not welcome?
The 20 and 17 year old will be fine on airbeds downstairs as long as you make them truly welcome. Your DH should make the necessary arrangements direct with them.

@Thelifeofawife are you confusing me with the OP? Eldest SS has left home. Youngest will still be staying over Xmas.

Why on earth does he not ask for the date in advance?!

Then why on earth when she eventually told him the date did he not say your mother was coming as 25/12 is not new year so they thought it was a good time for her to stay?!

Honestly some people really are a picnic short of a sandwich

This is not about DSC wanting to spend Christmas with us, FFS. If they wanted to then they would, of course, be welcome. This is about DH's ex dictating her plans to us, regardless of what anyone wants to do, which is ridiculous given their ages and that one is legally an adult and the other will be very soon. If they want to spend Christmas with us that's fine but I need some notice, not arrangements dictated to me at the last minute because his ex says so and DH can't be bothered to tell me. I suspect DH knew ages ago as his ex likes to make her plans for the year and dictate them to us and he just accepts it. I have told them to come on 27th for NEW YEAR, as originally dictated to us, as my mother is staying until then. No big deal.

Just to add, we live in the same city so if DSC really wanted to, they could come and see us anytime and still stay at their mother's where they have a room each. It's a 30 minute tube ride. They are always welcome to come but they can stay in their mother's house where they have a room each. Unless of course the mother has made plans for people to come and stay and needs their rooms which may be what's driving this.

If they want to spend Christmas with us that's fine but I need some notice, not arrangements dictated to me at the last minute because his ex says so and DH can't be bothered to tell me. I suspect DH knew ages ago as his ex likes to make her plans for the year and dictate them to us and he just accepts it. I have told them to come on 27th for NEW YEAR, as originally dictated to us, as my mother is staying until then. No big deal.

@winterrabbit I totally understand your position, it’s quite normal to want/need to know how many people are requiring a bed in your home each night and in any other setting everyone would agree with you. But when its step children/step adults, common sense tends to go out the window. I would tell them to come on 30/31 Dec for New Year!