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Original poster

Christmas step-parent support cafe

41 replies

vanillaredbushtea · 17/12/2023 19:21

Hi, are you a step parent? Is christmas getting a bit much? Blended family issues? I thought it might be nice to have a place to rant so here it is.

Here's mine.

My DH is insisting boxing day is set up as a Christmas day 2 as that's when we have the stepkids this year. No one wants this. He won't listen.

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Youcannotbeseriousreally · 18/12/2023 17:16

vanillaredbushtea · 18/12/2023 16:40

I agree, the best thing would be for all kids to open their phone on Xmas day. Then can even phone their mum on it!

Show quote history

Nope, if she’s brought it then she’s giving it. This is the first time we’ve had them all as previously she’s refused him access on Christmas Day. So. It is what it is.

I agree though.

socks1107 · 18/12/2023 20:24

We've done alternate with Xmas days on Boxing Day as we fixed the dates to match so we'd be child free one year then with kids the next from both of our previous marriages. Then we did just Boxing Day where we'd do extra gifts for the two that were here Xmas day as well but just things like shower gel etc so it wasn't odd for the step child sat opening stuff. This year sc won't come at their choice.
I think we've just adapted as the years have changed and they've grown older

susanu67 · 19/12/2023 17:29

I'm sick of being a step parent! I've been doing it for 10 years, and I've worked my socks off to make everyone happy.. and I'm done! My step kids are now well into their 30's and all the thanks I've got for all my efforts and hard work is a poxy fake yanky candle (which i can't use cos ihave migraines).. so 2024 is the year i worry about my own children, and my immenent first grandchild! and if that makes me sound selfish and mean.. so be it, i may as well live up to the names I've been called for the past 10 years anyway

susanu67 · 19/12/2023 17:48

NorthernSpirit · 17/12/2023 21:46

OK… I know this makes me sound like a complete cow….

But after 9 years of the EW’s batshittery - here goes…..

We couldn’t see SS last weekend (DH’s contact weekend) as she was taking the kids to the panto (they are 15 & 18). Does anyone else think this is weird and they are too old?

We don’t see SD (18) now, as she’s been completely poisoned by her mother. When we did see her for Christmas we had the constant comparisons…..

I don’t like the real tree, mummy has a fake one…..

Me (SD at 15) - could you eat your Christmas dinner with your knife & fork? Mummy lets me eat everything with my hands.

I don’t like this stuffing, mummy makes the paxo one.

Whats this red stuff (cranberry sauce). Yuck….

Unwrapping presents one year and not one thank you. That was the year I said I wouldn’t get another present until some manners were learnt.

EW still insists the kids (15 & 18) call her ‘mummy’. I come from a Northern working class family and it makes my teeth itch. It seems to be ramped up at Christmas.

i didnt realise how hard being a step-parent was until christmas came round!

me and my hubby 56 and 60 went to the panto on our own this year :)

chin up x

CornishGem1975 · 20/12/2023 12:36

Toooldtoworry · 17/12/2023 19:58

DH Ex insists on DSS having half Xmas day with us and half Xmas day with her. Not a major issue, just feels disjointed and like we cannot really relax. She also overwhelms DSS with a massive sack of gifts from a Santa he doesn't believe in. Yet if we did the same would give us an ear bending 🙄

Urgh we have the shared day like that too. It's ridiculous. DH is putting his foot down next year.

Overcome2023 · 20/12/2023 12:44

Keep your expectations low and your glass topped up everyone! It is the most wonderful time of the year after all. My brother and I each have step children in our respective relationships, each of our partners parents are also separated and our parents have also separated this year. We’ve got no chance have we!

Albatrossing · 20/12/2023 17:06

Yes, good luck all! I'm taking solace from your posts and the reality that THIS IS REALLY REALLY HARD and i'm not necessarily a bad person for wanting to jump out of a window (or, err... push someone out of a window???)

Toooldtoworry · 23/12/2023 15:50

I just want to scream! Honestly this split day but only bring him home when I'm back from my parents which will probably be at 7pm bullshit has already pissed me off. I need to get over myself.

CornishGem1975 · 23/12/2023 17:09

Toooldtoworry · 23/12/2023 15:50

I just want to scream! Honestly this split day but only bring him home when I'm back from my parents which will probably be at 7pm bullshit has already pissed me off. I need to get over myself.

We have to do split day but whoever is having them has to pick them up, so luckily it's ex-wife's turn (her idea for split day) to have to get them in the afternoon.

None of that nonsense with my own kids, we do alternate Christmas's like normal people!

Toooldtoworry · 24/12/2023 07:00

@CornishGem1975 mine are grown now and do what they want but when they were little we'd alternate. It also doesn't feel very 50/50 on Xmas day if DSS isn't going back until 7pm.

Original poster
vanillaredbushtea · 24/12/2023 09:01

I think splitting the day is so hard on the kids tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
vanillaredbushtea · 25/12/2023 08:36

Happy (blended) Christmas or Christmas part 1 or part 2 or whatever it is works for your family

OP posts:
Toooldtoworry · 25/12/2023 16:10

And Mum is not answering messages about when we should be dropping DSS off 🙄

Edwardandtubbs · 31/12/2023 08:07

We never had DSD (now 16) on Christmas day, even though that was what was agreed in the contact order because ‘a child should be with their mother on Christmas day’

DSD stopped coming to ours over a year ago now. DH outdid himself this year by posting a very expensive voucher on the last posting day before Xmas to the wrong address - a house he only lived in for 5 years.

So we got the usual shitty messages about letting ‘your daughter’ down and failing to love her…

And he now wants to send a replacement voucher to the same value.

Which, of course, is my money as he’s not earning at the moment.

In the meantime DSD has sent bugger all to her sister (my DD, 9) and said (via EXW) that she was too busy to speak to her over Christmas.

Fuck it all.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 31/12/2023 11:59

Edwardandtubbs · 31/12/2023 08:07

We never had DSD (now 16) on Christmas day, even though that was what was agreed in the contact order because ‘a child should be with their mother on Christmas day’

DSD stopped coming to ours over a year ago now. DH outdid himself this year by posting a very expensive voucher on the last posting day before Xmas to the wrong address - a house he only lived in for 5 years.

So we got the usual shitty messages about letting ‘your daughter’ down and failing to love her…

And he now wants to send a replacement voucher to the same value.

Which, of course, is my money as he’s not earning at the moment.

In the meantime DSD has sent bugger all to her sister (my DD, 9) and said (via EXW) that she was too busy to speak to her over Christmas.

Fuck it all.

Edited

There is no lifetime in which I’d be paying for a replacement voucher.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 31/12/2023 12:12

We had all the kids plus dd1's dp - as usual, seems my dp's ex really isn't interested. Kids are grown so could choose whatever they wanted. One year I quite fancy a quiet one, but sen issues mean one will always be fully dependent

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