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Original poster

How to split paying for holidays…

33 replies

BetterWithPockets · 14/10/2023 12:22

Posting here because am genuinely undecided about this. Have 2DSC and 1DC. We’re planning a trip away after Christmas and DH is assuming we’ll split all costs (flights, accommodation, meals out etc) 50:50. Part of me is fine with this — I married a man who already had children and they are my family too. But how do you finance things like this? What’s usual? Fair? DH and I earn roughly the same.

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Findyourneutralspace · 14/10/2023 12:23

We always just went 50/50 - the kids were mine and he didn’t have any. We’re not together anymore but that was always fine.

cellarst · 14/10/2023 12:26

I pay for all of us because holidays come out of my budget. He pays for the mortgage and bills. I do school fees, clubs, holidays.

MeridianB · 14/10/2023 12:28

Is the 1 DC both yours?

I’m not sure there is a normal - it’s probably very different for different people. Context is key. It depends a lot on how you manage finances generally and if DSC live with you full time.

In theory for an expensive one-off cost, you would pay for yourself and half your DC and DH pays for himself, the DSC and half your joint DC. Or you pay for yourself and 100% of joint DC and he pays the rest.

Pretendthatwearedead · 14/10/2023 12:30

I'd go 50:50 unless he earned substantially more than me.

Laurdo · 14/10/2023 12:32

All our money goes into the one pot. We're a family regardless of biology. My DH has 3 kids and I have none.

ManchesterLu · 14/10/2023 12:34

I'd do 50/50 unless he had 8 children and I was earning significantly less than him - or similar.

It depends on the situation, but on yours, I'd go 50/50.

aSofaNearYou · 14/10/2023 13:05

Depends if you generally pool your finances or keep things separate. If you separate things, I think he should pay more.

steppingout · 14/10/2023 13:32

We've always gone 50/50 - one DSD who lives with us most of the time and no other kids. We do overall pool our finances though so we have equal personal spends after paying for everything so I think it depends a bit what's normal for you.

lunar1 · 14/10/2023 13:33

Depends how you work your finances in general.

Floofydawg · 14/10/2023 13:38

We've always had separate finances - he has two kids, I have one, none together. We've always paid for our own kids.

Coffeaddict · 14/10/2023 13:49

Holidays come out of the family budget that we each pay into so I guess we split 50 50.

But were skint so our holidays is camping in a cheep campsite that's about 15 quid a night so squabbling over what would probably be a fiver difference would be stupid

whiteroseredrose · 14/10/2023 13:58

My DM always paid 100% for me. Other costs 50:50.

In your situation I'd say DH pays for DSC's flights, the others are 50:50. Accommodation maybe he pays 60%. I'd probably split food 50:50 to be easier

Original poster
BetterWithPockets · 14/10/2023 16:02

Thanks, all. Lots of food for thought here. We have separate finances but pay roughly the same each towards bills, mortgage etc. I probably pay more for our DC than my DH does in that I pay for her clothes, school dinners, swimming lessons & childcare etc. I don’t want it to become the equivalent of eating out and each totting up what we’ve eaten individually rather than splitting the bill between us, if that makes sense. And my DSC are definitely part of the/my family. But equally I don’t want to be taken for granted, I guess — especially as I have a dog (NOT the same as kids, I know!!) and it’s always assumed (by me as well as DH) that I’ll pay for dog care while we’re away…

OP posts:
Coffeaddict · 14/10/2023 16:09

Well I would add the dog care into the calculations for the holiday.

RandomMess · 14/10/2023 16:26

We'll definitely start including the dog costs!

Original poster
BetterWithPockets · 14/10/2023 16:48

MeridianB · 14/10/2023 12:28

Is the 1 DC both yours?

I’m not sure there is a normal - it’s probably very different for different people. Context is key. It depends a lot on how you manage finances generally and if DSC live with you full time.

In theory for an expensive one-off cost, you would pay for yourself and half your DC and DH pays for himself, the DSC and half your joint DC. Or you pay for yourself and 100% of joint DC and he pays the rest.

Yes, the 1DC is ours.

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterWithPockets · 14/10/2023 16:50

Coffeaddict · 14/10/2023 16:09

Well I would add the dog care into the calculations for the holiday.

Yes, I will. It’s £23 a day so definitely mounts up!

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterWithPockets · 14/10/2023 16:51

RandomMess · 14/10/2023 16:26

We'll definitely start including the dog costs!

Yes, I think that would be fair. Thank you!

OP posts:
Backagain23 · 14/10/2023 17:23

Is your shared DC part of the family?
Why are you paying for everything she needs then subbing kids who aren't yours on top of that?
It should be all separate or all joint IMO, not "whatever suits DH on this occasion and I'll just pay what I'm told to pay".

aSofaNearYou · 14/10/2023 17:55

BetterWithPockets · 14/10/2023 16:02

Thanks, all. Lots of food for thought here. We have separate finances but pay roughly the same each towards bills, mortgage etc. I probably pay more for our DC than my DH does in that I pay for her clothes, school dinners, swimming lessons & childcare etc. I don’t want it to become the equivalent of eating out and each totting up what we’ve eaten individually rather than splitting the bill between us, if that makes sense. And my DSC are definitely part of the/my family. But equally I don’t want to be taken for granted, I guess — especially as I have a dog (NOT the same as kids, I know!!) and it’s always assumed (by me as well as DH) that I’ll pay for dog care while we’re away…

It sounds like you're getting the rough end of the stick if you're paying more for your joint child, paying for the dog, and also contributing towards the kids that are just his equally to him. It sounds like you would be better off just completely merging finances, in the absence of a more fair split.

DebussytoaDiscoBeat · 14/10/2023 18:16

I agree with PPs, its not fair for your DH to cherry pick the "we're a family" bits that benefit him yet exclude costs like dog care. If he argues about this I'd keep finances separate from now on...I'd be willing to bet he'd be worse off!

blanketsmell · 14/10/2023 18:23

DH pays for the extra room needed, and any flights for the DSC and we split everything else including our shared DC, entry costs, food etc for us all 50/50.

I think it will partly depend on your earnings and general financial set up. Before DC came along in the earlier days he paid for us all and I paid him back half the room and flight cost if there was one. This is because a family holiday is basically for the benefit of the kids.

blanketsmell · 14/10/2023 18:24

BetterWithPockets · 14/10/2023 16:02

Thanks, all. Lots of food for thought here. We have separate finances but pay roughly the same each towards bills, mortgage etc. I probably pay more for our DC than my DH does in that I pay for her clothes, school dinners, swimming lessons & childcare etc. I don’t want it to become the equivalent of eating out and each totting up what we’ve eaten individually rather than splitting the bill between us, if that makes sense. And my DSC are definitely part of the/my family. But equally I don’t want to be taken for granted, I guess — especially as I have a dog (NOT the same as kids, I know!!) and it’s always assumed (by me as well as DH) that I’ll pay for dog care while we’re away…

Work out how much he'd owe you in maintenance if you were 50/50 he should be paying that much minimum towards his child

Khvdrt · 14/10/2023 18:25

We have our own DC and one step DC and we half everything. It started like that when she was little and I have to admit now she’s a teen and costs the same as an adult I half wish we hadn’t got into that habit. I think with two step DC I’d be thinking he should pay more and especially as he seems to see the dog as your responsibility so actually you’re overall paying more

SoftDuvet · 14/10/2023 18:31

I probably pay more for our DC than my DH does in that I pay for her clothes, school dinners, swimming lessons & childcare etc.

That sounds like you pay for everything for your shared DD. What does he pay for her?! Childcare in particular is very expensive. All these costs should be shared.

Re holiday - your DH has three kids, you have one. So naturally he pays more, given your finances are separate.

I'd have a kitty for meals out, trips etc, which you pay into proportionately before you go, so it's fair and there's no splitting bills at the table.