Am I unreasonable to expect step-children to share a room?

[Che5979]

Looking for some advice and whether I’m unreasonable in this situation.
My partner has two children, both girls aged 7 and 5 and we have another daughter on the way. We’re living in a 3 bedroom house so both children have their own room. I’ve approached the subject of his daughters sharing the bigger room and the baby getting the box room but my other half refuses. He says the baby will be a big change for the girls in itself let alone moving them into one room. I completely understand this and don’t expect it to happen until baby is 6 months to a year old to give the children time to adjust but he will not budge. I feel he is prioritising his other two daughters in this situation and can’t see the bigger picture.
For context moving somewhere bigger isn’t an option due to our financial situation, his children shared a bedroom at their mums house and we have them 4 nights/8 days every fortnight.

Seems like next years problem, refusing to have sex whilst the baby is in your room may expedite a resolution.

Ime the dd's will be arguing over who gets the new dc in their room!

I would leave it for the moment - wait for realisation to sink in and him want the baby out of the room.

If they share at their mums because a new baby came along there and then have to share at Dads because a new baby came along there - it is bloody hard for them not to feel pushed out in both of their homes and some good messaging is going to have to come from him on this subject, it will not feel good for them sadly

Would let the baby come and let him figure it out.

Picturing this leg nibbling baby 😂

they would not be able to have legs etc out because the baby might eat it.

Whoops! Yes keep your legs hidden at all times! Don't worry about the Lego though, baby won't want to eat that!

I always think the acid test is, what would you do differently if you were the bio-mum and not the step-mum?

In this case, with limited rooms available and no funds to expand, I think you'd put the two girls close in age together, and you'd put the baby in their own room.

A baby is a big change and it's not ideal that the two girls are losing something special because of the baby (losing their own separate rooms) but what's the alternative?

I think everyone will eventually come around. Your DP won't want to sleep in the same room as the baby forever (no more sexy time for him) and your step-daughters won't want to share with a screaming baby. Given a choice, they'd pick each other instead.

I'd say not to stress it, as it will all work out the way you want. Because your solution is the sensible and rational one. There's no wicked stepmothering going on here.

@Che5979
Absolutely ridiculous op, my dp has 2 kids, boy and girl, 16 an 8, we have a 10m old I took the box room and turned it in to a nursery, know why cause they only stay when they feel like it, youngest is the girl and won't sleep anywhere other than in the room with her brother, so box room has not been slept in in two years, dp said at the start what you want me to do take the room of her, he'll yea they stay one night a fortnight if the 16 year old wants cause dsd won't stay on her own so if dss does not stay neither does dsd, and oh I pay half of the mortgage so I have a say on what goes on in the house to.

How will it figure itself out? Baby will be in your room until she's a teenager and one of the older ones moves out?

Set up the baby changing station and baby drawers in the corner of the bigger bedroom. With an area for toy storage.

Then leave the cot in your room.

As others have said he'll soon be wanting the baby to move into its own room or be sharing with one of its sisters.

You'll need to mark out a space for this baby, you can't keep everything in a drawer in the airing cupboard.

It's absolutely normal for siblings to share rooms. He's just twitchy because you are a blended family and he wants to be seen as putting his older children first,

Your boyfriend is being unfair in my view. He should want to treat all his children the same surely. Do you know why he wants his children by one mum to have separate rooms and not his current girlfriend's baby to be.

He's just twitchy because you are a blended family and he wants to be seen as putting his older children first
This is right, and it doesn't bode well at all.
Nobody with more than one child should be actively wanting to look like they prioritise their eldest child. It's just shitty parenting. Shitty humaning, really.

Say that having sex with a baby in the room is a massive turn off and freaks you out, he'll move those girls out faster than shit off a shovel

Very typical Dad Guilt behaviour

I think your plan is totally fine!
it can be fun to share a bedroom too and plus they will the bigger room anyway!
I don’t understand your DH :/

Two girls 5 and 7 share and baby gets own room. Babies need space too and assume baby is the only one with you 100% of the time.
I wouldn't ask his permission - this is your house too and he doesn't get to decide. Tell him your baby needs a bedroom simples 😊

Late to the game here, but your DH needs to grow up. He has 3 children, and is putting 2 of them on a pedestal while the other child may as well be living in the airing cupboard. I understand not wanting to shake up the older kids lives but whether they were all 100% siblings or not this situation would still happen. There are 5 people with 3 rooms. I wouldn't even be tolerating him trying to demote your new baby and I'd be telling him that if he doesn't speak to the girls soon you'll do it yourself. Can you make it exciting for the girls... get them involved in redecorating, get them cool bunks or something? If he still resists I'd probably start hinting that I was looking for somewhere else for me and the baby to live.

You're not being unreasonable, your DP is. But then you know that already.

Sorry OP, your DP's approach to this doesn't bode well for the future (been there, done that).

It amazes me that step children who are barely there get prioritised like this.

of course they should share the bigger room, of course the new baby needs a room.

he is being a dick tbh and needs to get over himself

It amazes me that step children who are barely there get prioritised like this.

When step children are involved, common sense tends to fly out the window

I have 2 dd's. They have shared a bedroom their entire childhood. Dd got her own room for the very first time last month.. She turned 18 yesterday!

And if as a stepmother you ever dare suggest any arrangement that doesn't favour and spoil DSC above your own DC for the 4 days a month* they spend in your home, you are by definition The Wicked Evil Witch of the West who hates their very existence.

Again, been there, done that.

*insert your own contact frequency

Even if they were all full bio kids it would make sense for the older two who are close in age to share the big room

I sometimes suspect that men with second families use pitting the new wife against the first family kids as a form of coercive control. I’m not saying OP’s hub does this as how would I know. I know my dad did it. And then my stepmom wanted us out of their lives so much she insisted on moving into a place that had no bedrooms at all for my sister and me. As a teen I thought my stepmom was evil and stopped visiting my dad. But I know now from half sibling that when I wasn’t around my dad would pit my stepmom against her biological child. The upshot was everyone competing for dad's affection. For a time, anyway. He lives abroad now and we never speak.

Is he perhaps regretting the choices he's made with you and having another child???

Is he regretting the relationship??

I guarantee there will be more issues and prioritizing his first children over the newest...

Maybe he feels guilty about how much the girls are dealing with the separation and all..blames himself for putting his daughters through that..

I feel like he's not going to be much of a help, that they'll be arguments about his lack of contributions, etc..

Hope that I'm wrong and everything works out well for all involved.