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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Am I unreasonable to expect step-children to share a room?

75 replies

Che5979 · 18/09/2023 10:41

Looking for some advice and whether I’m unreasonable in this situation.
My partner has two children, both girls aged 7 and 5 and we have another daughter on the way. We’re living in a 3 bedroom house so both children have their own room. I’ve approached the subject of his daughters sharing the bigger room and the baby getting the box room but my other half refuses. He says the baby will be a big change for the girls in itself let alone moving them into one room. I completely understand this and don’t expect it to happen until baby is 6 months to a year old to give the children time to adjust but he will not budge. I feel he is prioritising his other two daughters in this situation and can’t see the bigger picture.
For context moving somewhere bigger isn’t an option due to our financial situation, his children shared a bedroom at their mums house and we have them 4 nights/8 days every fortnight.

OP posts:
Star81 · 18/09/2023 10:42

So where does he think the baby will sleep long term if there is no bedroom for the baby once over 6 months ?

Trickedbyadoughnut · 18/09/2023 10:42

Where is he proposing the baby will sleep?

Beamur · 18/09/2023 10:43

Where does he expect the baby to go? In the loft?
Of course you're not being unreasonable.
He's got to see this as accomodating all of his children. Not just the first family ones.

MeridianB · 18/09/2023 10:45

Do his girls live with you full time? If not, how often do they stay?

The baby will be in with you for up to a year, but I agree you need to a plan.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 18/09/2023 10:45

I would say that’s fine and make a small area a with a change table, cot and feeding chair in your room.

He will get sick of being woken in the night and move the other kids in together on his own. You don’t need to mention it again.

PinkFrogss · 18/09/2023 10:46

Your plan sounds the best, do they have any issues sharing at their mums?

Where does he expect the baby to go Confused

imnotthatkindofmum · 18/09/2023 10:46

This is what all parents do. My daughters were 7 and 5 when I had my 3rd. Of course they shared a room, wouldn't pit them with a younger one when they have to get up for school. It's a perfectly normal thing to do for people with more kids than bedrooms. They will know plenty of other kids that share rooms through school.

If they weren't your step kids would this even be an issue?

Childcarequestionn · 18/09/2023 10:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the OP's request.

Quartz2208 · 18/09/2023 10:47

Presumably the baby is in with you. I suspect once the reality of having the baby still with you after the first six months will prompt a change of heart

Quitelikeit · 18/09/2023 10:48

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Floralnomad · 18/09/2023 10:48

I assume he is expecting one of them to share with the baby then once it moves out of your room .

Imogensmumma · 18/09/2023 11:15

Agree with everyone else where does he expect the baby to sleep in a year?

Ridiculous to have two rooms basically empty most of the fortnight and the three of you in one room once baby is ready to move into their own room.

Do you split rent/mortgage 50/50 if so then yes you should get to say who gets the box room as it’s 1.5 rooms each the 0.5 being the master bedroom. So tell him he needs to pay more mortgage/rent if he wants to take up the two other bedrooms for kids who are barely there.

hdbs17 · 18/09/2023 11:20

So currently his daughters have their own rooms but one has a big room and one has a box room? How did he decide which would get the bigger room?

He either needs to agree that the only logical thing to do is to move them into the bigger room shared, or he finds a way to finance a move to a house with an extra bedroom for the baby.

Hollyppp · 18/09/2023 11:21

I would just have the baby in with you for a year but that’s me :)

reallyworriedjobhunter · 18/09/2023 11:22

Is the house owned or rented? Who pays for it?

Is there room for a room divider in the bigger room?

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/09/2023 11:23

Hollyppp · 18/09/2023 11:21

I would just have the baby in with you for a year but that’s me :)

And then what? She’s already said it’ll be 6 months to a year. But babies grow up.

HohiyiKozbevi · 18/09/2023 11:30

I agree this situation will resolve itself. You'll want the baby in with you for the first 6 months anyway. By month 4 your partner will have decided entirely independently that this situation isn't sustainable.

(we had our first in our room for 2 years because there wasn't another bedroom to move the cot into and we couldn't move - and it was really difficult for all 3 of us. Your partner is not going to uphold his older children's exclusively monopolising 66% of the upstairs of the house despite only being there part time while the other 3 people all squeeze into 33% of the upstairs, when there's a perfectly obvious solution)

aSofaNearYou · 18/09/2023 11:52

So what, he is expecting your child to never have a bedroom? Of course his similarly aged, same sex children should share, this is an absolute no brainer.

Namerequired · 18/09/2023 11:53

He’s going to tell you he gets the say as they are his kids, but if it’s jointly your house and this is your child then he doesn’t get to say this is what’s happening and that’s that. Turn that right back on him.
This is going to only be the start of these issues if he’s being like this. 7 and 5 are perfectly good ages for sharing. Do it now before the baby comes and get them used to it.
The other option is always 2 separate houses.

OhamIreally · 18/09/2023 12:04

He will realise on his own, especially when your sex life suffers.

Laurdo · 18/09/2023 12:12

He's an idiot. Is the baby just going to go in the shed or something?

Perfectly normal for siblings to share blended family or not. Get them excited about sharing and re-decorate the big room for them so it doesn't feel like one is just moving into the others room. Get them both involved in picking paint colours, bedding etc. Maybe even do 2 themes, on either side and of the room so they have their own side.

aSofaNearYou · 18/09/2023 12:25

OhamIreally · 18/09/2023 12:04

He will realise on his own, especially when your sex life suffers.

I get why people are saying this but honestly, I would be so pissed off if my partner did not have the common sense to think that through in advance. The idea that they would ever conceive a child they planned to never give a bedroom, I would find hard to forgive.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 18/09/2023 12:30

Even a newborn needs their own room, even for naps, storage and baby change units. Tell him to choose, either his girls share a room or you and your baby do. Tell him he'll have to have the sofa, as you'll be splitting your double into two singles.

somethinghastochangesoon · 18/09/2023 12:36

What happens when the newborn is old enough to not be in with yourself and DH?

Either the two girls share or the newborn shares with one of them.

How often are the girls with you?

TropicalTrama · 18/09/2023 12:37

What’s he proposing then? I can only see 3 options:
-Baby in with you - fine whilst they’re a baby of course but would he be happy with a toddler and eventually a young child? It’s one thing fitting a crib but can you fit a single bed in your room?
-That the baby shares with the 5YO who will have to keep most of her toys elsewhere as a barbie shoe or a lego brick is a choking hazard for a baby/toddler.
-The older girls share. This makes the most sense just because they’re close in age so probably similar likes in terms of toys and have similar bedtimes. Being your stepdaughters is neither here or there, it’s just the most logical arrangement and would still be even if they were your biological daughters and lived FT with you.