What does CM actually cover?

[Dinoswearunderpants]

My DH has three other children aged 16, 13 and 10. He pays above what CMS have stated and does all the travel to collect them (90 miles round trip each way).

He also pays half of everything on top. School trips, hobbies, prom, transport to school.

We have a DS of our own and I'd say I pay 80% of costs associated with him. I earn more than DH so I don't mind paying more however there is of course some contusion with all these extras he pays.

I'm curious to know what exactly CM should cover and what other people do.

There is no exhaustive list of what it should cover. I think you need to set it out and agree it during your finance hearing. So it goes towards accommodation, food, clothes as basics and then any extras are agreed on top. But you need to be specific.
My dh pays 950 a month for two children that we have 45% of the time. On top of that he pays travel costs, (100 mile round trip x 3 or 4 a week depending on how the schedule falls. He also pays half of of school trips, football fees and is now being asked to provide school uniform/football kit for when they are at our house. He is beginning to question some of that as there is no reason they need two pairs of football boots etc, they can go between houses and additionally some of the football fees are for a second club that he didn't even know about that never falls on our time.

Child maintenance as per the calculations covers the nrp’s entire contribution. Anything over and above is voluntary. If the nrp can afford it then of course it makes sense to also pay half towards uniform , school trips etc. However , it sounds as though you’re saying your oh can’t afford it and his extras are at the expense of your income and your shared child. So I’d be speaking to him about that. Very unwise for his ex to be heavily reliant on maintenance too. What will she do if he loses his job.

How do you arrange your finances OP? Is the 80% based upon the difference in your wages.

If not, your DH needs to pay more into YOUR household.

My exDH pays CMS only as does my DP with the exception of residential school trips. I'm fine with that.

I cover my DC financially when they are with me. My ex sorts it when with him.

Fuck me, what does the mother pay for?
I've not done the sums but say they are at their mums 2 nights a month more than dad, that's £237 per child per night at mums 🫣
I'm all for spreading the money around ao that the children get the most benefit but even I'm amazed that he's only beginning to wonder whata going on.

How to support all of his children equally and fairly is something he should have sat down and thought about before having a child after divorce.

@Backagain23 quite. She took half a million quid equity out of their house to his 165 k as well. He's a high earner. But not that high!
She once bought a new washing machine on an old credit card he'd forgotten she had access to, and when questioned said he should pay for it because she was going to do his children's washing in it Presumably she was doing her own washing, and that of her live in boyfriend, by hand. If she wasn't such a genuinely awful person I would quite admire her front!

It is when it's her money paying for it!

dp has sdc 50% of the time and provides for everything on his time plus top ups any trips, school shoes/trainers and winter coats, AND by CMS standards still has to pay every month. In this case our house is paying “RP” for their half of the week? It’s nonsense but that’s the way the system works 😅

My ex is the same! He wanted to pay less and just split costs of things that I bought for the baby but didn't acknowledge that I'm on stat maternity pay and I have a mortgage to pay which I'm now having to use savings for 😩 - funnily he didn't want to pay half of the mortgage and bills for baby's home so cms it is

But if it's impacting your child it is your business.

My thought on this is if he chooses to give extra to his ex, then it should come from his fun money pot and he cuts back on his hobbies/tech etc not your family pot or contributions towards his own child.

How often does he see them? Does he have to worry about childcare?

100% this! I think people forget that the non-RP still has to have adequate accommodation to house children.

I appreciate food is less however we pay for all the petrol driving there/back and that easily equates to £150 per month.

And there we are. I was waiting for a bitter ex to arrive.

It is my concern when I'm his wife and we have a child together.

I wasn't complaining, I was asking a question so politely jog along.

We generally pay 50/50 for household bills despite the difference in wages. I think that's why I pick up most of the childcare costs.

Ha nice assumption but they were never married. Three children but no marriage.

He sadly has zero money to himself. He doesn't have hobbies he pays for so all his money goes on his bills and children.

So the older two don't stay over anymore as they want to be close to their friends. We live an hour away so we get that. The youngest stays EOWE plus every Friday he collects her from school and takes her swimming.

Yeah. I feel the rage that on a burning planet, this guy felt entitled to reproduce four times. That we know of. And now is paying the bare minimum to support his offspring. (Is the ex on benefits?)

How is it possible to create three kids in rapid succession and then decide to largely bow out of their lives, live 90 miles apart and quickly start a second family??

Your DH has 4 children, that costs a lot of money.

The mother of the first 3 will need to pay for, maintain, heat etc a much larger property due to having 3, plus food, clothes, the approvals are just that additional school trips, hobbies etc. What impact had being the primary carer had on her income? The additional flexibility and organisation she will have needed to provide around childcare?

I think your husband is right to contribute what he does, he left their mother not the children. Your child has two live in parents which aside from all the obvious emotional things provides flexibility around child care and not all the burden is on one parent for all drop offs, pick ups etc meaning neither job has to take as much of a hit as in a single parent home

The older two don't stay with him at all and he sees the youngest every other weekend so no he doesn't have the same housing needs. If they were fifty fifty or if he had regular overnight contact with all of his children then yes, but he doesn't