super anxious about SC coming, handhold please?

[nervesonnerves]

Name changed for this as my other posts would make it totally outing.

SC coming to stay for a week from tomorrow. I am literally a ball of nerves because it is always very stressful, noisy, messy, shouty, when they are here. They expect everything done yesterday, and make demands constantly. My DP doesn't mind as he is just glad they still come, and just loves having them here.

He's going to be WFH and probably expects me to be around a lot as back up, but doesn't realise I have made a lot of plans to be busy and out.

DSD 25, will be wfh, and everyone feels like walking on eggshells around her in general.

DSD 20, will hopefully be busy with her friends.

I realise they are adults, and should be ok, but they are coming because their mum is going away for a week and they don't like being in the house alone, or doing everything for themselves. Cue DP will be tidying up after them, cooking, popping to the shops for all demands etc. I leave it all to him really and try not to get involved, but I just get so anxious and nervous about it. Anything can just blow up and go wrong and cause screaming and I hate that.

Everyone apart from me is busy today, and DSD1 forgot to reorder some medication, and apparently I am the only person available to collect for her from Boots today between 4-5pm, but that is the time I am actually busy. It has now all become my fault and I'm the bad person for not changing my plans (seeing my elderly father), and collecting her medication. This has really made me anxious about the entire week and the demands that may be coming.

(I am suffering somewhat from anxiety recently, following a very close bereavement, and am just about managing it, so this is a real trigger).

Can I have a handhold please to help me through the week. I'm in tears in anticipation of it. (I would have gone to visit a friend in Majorca, but my brother is abroad and I can't leave my Dad alone).

Sorry I meant to add that you sound lovely and the situation sounds stressful. x

Anything can just blow up and go wrong and cause screaming and I hate that.

But they are both fucking adults! In their twenties! They sound vile. And your husband sounds utterly pathetic.

I don’t blame you for dreading it.

Yes, he would, but I visit my Dad every day, and he's very lonely atm as we only lost my Mum a few months ago, so I'm particularly conscious of not leaving him with neither of us around. Atm, it isn't really just for emergencies, but as time goes on, I guess the situation around this will change, and as per my phonecall with my brother, we will split the holidays fairly too.

This set-up is really bizarre OP - my DDs are similar ages to your eldest SD and have their own homes, one has a child!

I cant imagine living like this - its really weird that they cant spend a week at home without mummy...aren't they embarrassed?

@nervesonnerves
I really feel for you, but please stop calling them kids fgs, they r 20 and 25 they are adults, it's embarrassing to say the least, that two grown women are running to daddy's when mummy away and why on earth is your partner changing her bed sheets, I'm surprised they still aren't latched to the breast, but don't be doing a thing to enable there behaviour when they r there xx

Jesus he needs to sort this out sharpish.

If they don't like being home alone, what the bloody hell will the eldest do if these new flat mates are away for any reason...

Make your plans, be out the whole time if you can. Leave then to their drama and stay the hell away

Blimey, I didn’t realise they visited EOW too. Everyone seems to have got stuck in the ‘child visiting pattern’ and nothing has triggered a change. Many member of my family were in the forces by the time they were 20 …

yes, we are still in that pattern. For the most part, I remove myself. This week has just been very 'anxiety inducing' for me, and I'm really hoping the anticipation will be worse than the actual event.

My eldest SS(22) would still be doing fixed contact if I hadn't put my foot down. Ridiculous at that age. And once the youngest is 18 and goes to uni I'll be breaking that pattern as well.

This can’t be for real surely? at 20 and 25 they still need a parent there with them? Or childminder for back up?? That’s an absolute joke. I feel embarrassed just reading about it to be honest and it’s not my situation.
No criticism to you at all OP, but the other four adults need a wake up call. It’s cringey.

We did strict EOW right til DSS went to uni, otherwise I’m sure the pattern would have continued. At one point he considered a uni in our home town, this was horrifying, but thankfully he went to somewhere several hours away in the end.

OP, so what if your father is 5 minutes away.

This is the perfect time for your partner to have one on one time with HIS children and you spend it with your lonely father.

Some times the easy solutions are right in front of you.

Bereavements make us fragile.

Pack a bag and head off.

I couldn't imagine the attraction of a man with such needy adult children well into their 20's.

I bet their mother doesn't want to return to the mess of these helplesss hapless children she and your partner have reared.

Mind yourself OP and start organising yourself to be completely absent.

Their are NOT your children.

tomorrow. I am literally a ball of nerves because it is always very stressful, noisy, messy, shouty, when they are here

when I read this in your OP I thought they were 10 years old or something. You can't be serious (well, I know you are!), that they are adults and it stands to reason they are feral if your DP panders to their every whim.

Do you have your own home to take refuge in, if it all becomes too much?

Although your Dad lives 5 minutes away, I would go and stay with him for at least 2 or 3 days while they are there to go you some headspace.

Tell your DP your Dad needs a bit of extra help so you need to keep a closer eye overnight for a couple of days.

Agree, you can make up some excuse as to why you must overnight with Dad; they probably won't even listen with half an ear anyway.

Or, say you are staying with dad but really get yourself a hotel room or AirBnB.

I'd be booking into a hotel for he week

OP, has your DH got any idea of how ridiculous/age-inappropriate this is?

thank you - all more reassuring that it isn't me! I know it isn't me, and it isn't technically my problem.

Love the idea of saying I'm staying at my Dad, and going somewhere else ;)

A friend with a holiday home on the coast has come to the rescue and invited me there for a couple of nights so I'm really looking forward to that.

I'm going to do as you all say, and keep myself well out of it and busy. Not my responsibility. I shall busy myself with all sorts (I even have to do my tax return too so maybe this is a good opportunity!).. At least I'm feeling like I'm not going crazy myself and that this isn't normal.

Can you go and stay with your dad for the week?

You are absolutely right to fond the whole thing rediculous and you shouldn't be made to feel anxious at having two grown woman in your home for a week.

These are NOT children. These are adults they need to handle these things on their own.