If it's not so hard and there's no mental load why exactly do they need reminding by a step parent ?
Mum and dad set the values in their children's lives. Those values impact the others house they don't suddenly change from house to house imo.
If your dealing with a teenager v close to having sex (in the legal sense) in age and the implications of that and they have a phone, social media and eyes, why is this a sm role ? To protect a fully grown man from the values he has 50/50 set in his children along with his mother ?
I'm not a human catcher of all plates.
Just because parents split doesn't mean that you aren't partly responsible for your kids actions (no matter where they are in dads house ect).
I do suppose there are some mums who don't give a fig about their ex, and if their kids don't get him a card. But I also suppose that will show up in their.. values in other ways. As a mum I care about not my ex but the values my child has - and I have very good reason to want to not give a fuck about my ex. But I will always give a fuck about my child and who she will turn into.
I suppose this is the approach I would take with all the children in my house when they reach that age range step or not. Because children should be able to forget about a critical date and think ah yes I should have remembered that and remember the date going forward and the adults go hey your human but next time.The stakes couldn't be lower in terms of impact of them failing. Your supposed to prepare your kids for the road not prepared the road for your kids imo.
Otherwise what age do you stop ? Do you ever stop reminding them if so what age ?
Tell them sure, don't tell them sure it's all much of a muchness. But it's interesting as soon as people say ah actually it's not my role as a sp to do x, people call it "point scoring" but when mum says it's not her role 😳 that's absolutely fine.
Perspective, what works exactly in your house is the exact opposite of what would work in another. Can we stop pretending like there's some dammed list of "must do" to be a "good sp" because not everyone can agree not even sp it would appear..
I'm fine with people having a different opinion on what to do, but I don't think it needs to turn into a moralising of a sp character either way. Step children won't reject or accept you based on if you buy their dad a card for Father's Day and stick their name in it. Actually statically speaking it's highly likely as adults they will reject you as a parent figure because you aren't their parent and you didn't set their values. People need to stop playing the pick me I'm nice game with teens and expecting a result that's unlikely to happen even if you are the most accommodating nice sp.
But I'm also happy to be considered "evil" if that means I create decent fully fledged adults. But I wasn't there right when DSc were small and they have a active engage mum, so I suppose that changes things somewhat.
You reap what you sow.. and a lot of sp weren't there at the sowing..