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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Holidays

37 replies

Lunab18 · 07/06/2023 19:18

Looking for other peoples advice/experiences of holidays.
I have two DC who live with me & DP and they have always been fortunate to have a holiday abroad each year (DP only moved in last year so holidays were with me alone or me & ex DH).
My DP has two DC who live with their mum and they have not had holidays abroad before.
My DP has said he thinks we should only go abroad if we can take all four children as it wouldn’t be fair on his children if we only take mine.
I’ve said we can’t afford to take all four abroad but I can continue to afford to take my two.
DP has said he’s happy for me to take my two DC abroad without him and he’ll stay at home.
I’ve tried explaining that I feel responsible for taking my DC on holiday as they live with me and although I’d love for all four kids to go away together with us we just can’t afford it.

Has anyone got any advice or thoughts on what to do? Thanks

OP posts:
Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 07/06/2023 19:20

Depends on his tone imo. Is he implying you should pay for 4? Why can't he pay for his 2?
It really isn't wrong to take your own 2 abroad by yourself.

blackbeardsballsack · 07/06/2023 19:22

How can he not afford to pay for his 2 kids if you can afford to pay for your 2?

I would never allow a DP to deprive my DC of going on holiday with me so I would leave him at home.

Itsanotherhreatday · 07/06/2023 19:28

we just can’t afford it.

He can’t afford it - don’t make this your responsibility!

Original poster
Lunab18 · 07/06/2023 19:29

Money is tight, by the time DP pays his personal bills and maintenance he doesn’t have any left to save for holidays or pay for his DC holidays.
I have more disposable income than DP to save for holidays but that doesn’t stretch for me to afford to pay for my step children unfortunately, I wish it did.

OP posts:
MinionsHooray · 07/06/2023 19:32

Lunab18 · 07/06/2023 19:29

Money is tight, by the time DP pays his personal bills and maintenance he doesn’t have any left to save for holidays or pay for his DC holidays.
I have more disposable income than DP to save for holidays but that doesn’t stretch for me to afford to pay for my step children unfortunately, I wish it did.

Then continue to take yours and he can stay at home with his kids.

Dont let you children miss out because you have a new partner.

Mercury2702 · 07/06/2023 19:42

He’s sensible imo. If you can’t afford all 4 and he stays at home then it’s showing his kids he’s not taking your kids on holiday over them so fair play to him

llamallama6384 · 07/06/2023 20:00

Mercury2702 · 07/06/2023 19:42

He’s sensible imo. If you can’t afford all 4 and he stays at home then it’s showing his kids he’s not taking your kids on holiday over them so fair play to him

Exactly this.

Enjoy your holiday !

NewNameNigel · 07/06/2023 20:01

Just take yours and leave him at home with his. It's not like he's insisting yours miss out, he's just choosing not to go himself. This doesn't have to be an issue unless you make it one.

SummerSimmer · 07/06/2023 20:05

His plan makes sense, you go with your DC.

Franseen · 07/06/2023 20:28

Don’t see the problem. Is it that you can afford to / want to pay for him to join you, but he doesn’t want to without his children?

In your shoes I’d continue to continue with the overseas holidays with your children, and maybe camping with all four and a few weekend breaks with DP?

volcanoroll · 07/06/2023 20:32

DP has said he’s happy for me to take my two DC abroad without him and he’ll stay at home. that seems fair enough. It gets messy if you have a child with DP. But until then this proposal will be fine.

Lkgcsr · 07/06/2023 20:40

Do you not want to take your two by yourself? I can see why he wouldn’t want to come if he can’t bring his DC so seems fair for you to take yours.

rookiemere · 07/06/2023 20:41

Just keep on taking your two away, it seems fairly reasonable as he isn't expecting you to pay for his DCs but it would be wrong for him to go on holiday without them and with your DCs.

Tedvan · 07/06/2023 20:44

I think it's fair enough for him to stay home while you take your two away. Why not try plan a family holiday in the future for all of you, one that he can pay up between now and then? But in the meantime you just take yours away.

funinthesun19 · 07/06/2023 20:58

Keep carrying on taking your DC away. I’m glad he’s not pulling his face about that, which some men would absolutely do. At least he’s not coming between you and your DC still going on your holidays. I’m also glad he’s not trying to force you to pay for him and his kids.

He should get saving up, and then in a year or two you can all go together. But for now, just keep on enjoying your lovely holidays with your DC 🙂.

Bluebellsbells · 07/06/2023 21:06

It's not just funding, you will find finding a hotel that has a room that fits 6 people incredibly difficult and so you will be limited to those options. We in the end had to go to a TUI branch as the website would only give us two room options. In the end we had a choice of 3 holidays and they weren't cheap.

So even if you do all go away you may need separate accommodation to make it cheaper.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 07/06/2023 21:10

I don't see the problem. You're used to going on holiday with DC alone so it's not new to you. Go with your own DC.
He's being a good dad and taking his kids' feelings into account and he can't be slagged off for that.
What if it was his kids who were used to the foreign holidays and he wanted to take them away and said you could go with them but your kids couldn't because of cost?
There are alternatives you could consider (snd yes, it might be mean depriving your DC of their holiday abroad for one year). You could not go this year and both of you save up so you can go as a family next year. You could find a cheaper holiday, maybe a staycation and/or long weekend so you can include his kids too. Now you're going to be a blended family, you're all going to have to get used to the fact that social occasions, day trips, holidays etc are going to be as a family of 6.

uneffingbelievable · 07/06/2023 21:13

This is a non issue - he ahs not asked you to apy for his DCS, will not go overseas without his DCS so has said he will stay with his DCS and you take yours.

You are aking a drama out of nothing- he is absolutely right and fair to his DCs.

Grumpigal · 07/06/2023 21:18

Just take yours away. Then maybe make a plan to save up for a holiday for the full lot of you in a few years.

HandbagsnGladrags · 07/06/2023 21:36

Take your kids away and leave him at home. They don't stay little for long and before you know it they'll be grown and gone. Don't deprive them of lovely childhood memories.

BodenCardiganNot · 07/06/2023 21:38

Take them away on your own. They have had him moved into their home - they would probably love to have you to themselves again for a holiday.

lunar1 · 07/06/2023 23:41

It seems to have resolved itself. You do your usual holiday with your dc, he can do his.

Codlingmoths · 07/06/2023 23:47

llamallama6384 · 07/06/2023 20:00

Exactly this.

Enjoy your holiday !

Show quote history

I think he’s being fair staying home. I’d feel shit going on holiday with my partners kids knowing my own kids had never had a holiday overseas and didn’t have one in the offing. Good on him really, and I hope the financial situation improves so he can take his kids on holiday. If that happens it needs to be whatever holiday he likes- no tweaking it to work better for your kids.

SD1978 · 08/06/2023 00:15

He seems to be sensible to me. He can't take his kids as he can't afford it, doesn't think it's fair to his kids to swan off on foreign holidays with your kids and play happy families, so has said you keep going but I'm not able to. He's not stopping you going, juts saying he won't make his own children feel less important/ wanted by going without them. He sounds pretty reasonable.

Beachywave · 08/06/2023 03:26

I don't see the issue, he's happy to stay home and I think that's the right thing to do for his children.
Maybe he can come with them next year when he's had more time to save (every other year) or he can do things with them on his own while you're away.

I'm married to my children's father and I still take them away by myself, likewise he's taken one of them on his own.