Child couldn't go toilet is days

[Imtryingmybesthere]

Hi,
I'm female 28, finance male 26, he has a daughter who has a server stomach issues and was constipated for days, kept having accidents etc she was I pain,wouldn't eat much.

So here's the thing we had her this weekend her mother informed us she was away for the weekend(otherwords don't call me), as she had giving out when we called her about giving the child things she would say there is always a problem so we stopped and grew, he took responsibility for the child on his day's end of. So the child could go bathroom gave her some oral laxative which didn't work . We went to the chemsit as on his days it his responsibility to look after her when she is with him, they gave him some rectal laxative which is meant to be better then stomach. So he asked me to do it as I work in Childcare , which I did read instructions and within 10 minutes the child went and she said she felt alot better her tummy wasn't sure anymore.

Whe he dropped her off he said it to the child's mother she said okay yeah. Then awhile she called giving out as the child said what happened saying he should of asked her first but when he calls she never answers and it could be hours and the child's stomach and bum was sore.

Where we in the wrong for not asking g before hand considering the child is his responsibility on his days like the baby momma said?

She also has a little go at me and I only did it due to the fact the child was in agony and was listing to her father who I'm engaged to marrying him next year sometime. Like should i be worried about this and using this?

I don't know how old the child is, but, if fairly young I would be furious about an intimate medication being given by dad's girlfriend. That would absolutely go against everything I'm teaching my kids about adults and intimate areas. You shouldn't have administered the medication unless the child was old enough to express an opinion and absolutely didn't want dad doing it and requested you did it.

It does sound like dad doesn't have her a lot, and, until recently, called his ex all the time asking inane stuff when he had her, so you can't blame her for putting in a boundary for every second weekend (I assume).

In his shoes I would have text and asked about the medication and given her a short time to reply. She deals with her all the time so it makes sense that she would know more about how to deal with it than dad does, so a quick text would have been wise in these circumstances.

Working in childcare hardly gives you qualifications to give a suppository or enema. I would be extremely cross as the mum in this scenario.

If these issues are long standing she should have a plan in place for if assistance with bowel management is needed. I'm pretty surprised in the circumstances this was the advice of a pharmacist, rather than advising OOH gp.

How old is the child? Why has he not taking her to the doctors about this on going issue? Of course you shouldn’t be giving the medication.

Are you in the UK?

Hi there
For more information we have been together for 4 years and his daughter is 4, I did asked her I'm she wanted it, I only gave it as she asked if I would not her dad.

And her dad would call her mother cause she was sick and wanted to go to mammy but she always gave out to him saying g there was always a problem, when the child wanted her. He didn't do it often was only when the child wasn't well and wanted her mammy.

However she does call at half 10 and 11 with the child screaming on phone and not wanting to sleep cause she took the phone of her all days of the week. I understand where she coming from I get that but I listened to the child she's able to tell u how she feels and will tell you her opinion and I always listen to her 💯, if she didn't want it I wouldn't have giving honest. But she said she was very sore and I felt terrible 😔.
Like me and his daughter are really close she even calls my phone when she at home of she upset and all. Yeah he told her when he dropped the child off and she was okay with it, but then called him giving out.

Thanks for the comments back

So a 4 year old calls you when she is with her mother?

So instead of parenting his own sick child your partner either hands her back to mum or gets you to do it? He sounds like a prize.

Odd that you didn't mention she didn't want her dad to do it and asked for you, only that he wanted you to do it as you work in childcare.

Whatever the mum is like about other things is by the by here, she has every right to be upset that the dad panned off his responsibilities to you over something so intimate regarding their daughter.

Fwiw it's a very common tactic for NRPs to get the kids to call and guilt trip the RP on their weekends 'off'. It can get very annoying coping alone for 12 days then having to answer calls from your ex because your child is crying when you're trying to have down time. I totally get that she has put a boundary in place.

Your dp sounds like he can't cope so need the women in his life to take his responsibilities on.

You should take his exes lead and put some boundries in place yourself.

He has a 4 year old and has been with you for 4 years. Jeez.
He is the father. He is the parent. Time to have some distance from this mess.

Yes she has her mothers phone and tries to ring us when we are at work sometimes 3 times a day. And sometimes is her mother calling me or the dad to get her as she playing up and she is tired of her crying.

It's a complicated story and more details which are important missing. But all I do for her is my best i really do, don't mean any harm to her she's an amazing child and we spend alot of time together on girly days etc.

Yeah he had to leave the women as I said long story but he wanted to be part of the child's life only for she refused to let him see and stuff....

I honestly can't believe an unrelated, untrained adult would give bowel care to a 4 year old and think that's ok. Especially one who works with children so must have some safeguarding training.

Your partner is insane for encouraging this instead of going to an OOH gp.

Sounds a mess. All 3 of you.

Poor kid.

Okay this is an over the counter one u can use at home thats isn't dangerous and I've had used them before and my younger siblings and neices I dunno where yous are from but here it's available over the counter to use if needed

I very much doubt it's the recommendation for a 4 year old who is already having issues.

You say she was "giving out"... Are you in Ireland/NI where even Calpol suppositories are commonplace and used in preference for very small children and therefore no one thinks twice about it? If so, YANBU but FWIW people in GB are going to be VERY confused and grossed out by the idea of you giving a child rectal medication because they don't routinely give children suppositories over here.

It was, just like it was giving to my neice, who is my stepchilds cousin (weird I know, long story) my sister is with my partners older brother. He explained it all, the child gets alot of takeaways and candy which hurts her stomach, he said it to the mother bit the child always says mammy gave her lots of candy the her tummy was sore

@PuffinsRocks
with “like”, “yous” and “mammy”, I’m guessing Ireland too

Yes I'm in ireland

We got the suppositories over the counter for our child. They are an almost instant cure and save days of tummy ache and crying. We only need then occasionally. Easy to administer and no big deal here.

Ah helpful context which op may not have known she needed. Yeah, those are NOT a thing in England.

I can see why Mom might not be happy, but she's Dads responsibility those days, and sounds like you didn't do anything out of the ordinary so I'd just let it go

Can I just point out that the use of the OPs language is even alien to me, and I'm Irish, I can barely make out what she's saying in her posts.

I'd be furious... this goes against everything you teach a child about 'safe touch' etc. Completely and utterly inappropriate and 'you being in childcare' I can't believe you can't understand that.

You should not have administered this medication and your partner should not be have charge of a child he is incapable of parenting on his own.

All 3 of the adults in this situation sound grossly inadequate

So he asked me to do it as I work in Childcare

But as someone who works in childcare you would know that that's not appropriate? Nursery staff wouldn't do that for a parent. I think your partner has messed up big time. He should have done it - doesn't matter if he wanted you to. Or if the child preferred he should have text mum and explained and asked what she thought.

Why are you giving them to your neice as well. Why are you going round giving children who are not your children suppositories.

I'd just be glad someone was helping my child not be in pain anymore rather than be pissed off at how it made me feel. I've helped a friend's child with a suppository before as she (friend) just couldn't bring herself to do it and child was screaming in pain. Voila 10 minutes later and episode was all over and everyone was happy. Don't get the whole English thing around a perfectly good way of administering medication.

@Toxicityofourcity
my family in NI use that dialect, not so much my family in ROI.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, OP. You’re a trusted family member that has given your DSD necessary medical care under a professionals advice and under the supervision of her DF.

I have a DSD a similar age and have been involved in her life since birth, I would have done the same as you. SC relationships are different when you’ve been involved their whole lives.