Feeding the pet again!

[dontworrybhappy]

Hi, been with partner for 4 years.He has a 19 year old.daughter. Hes been secretive about commu ication hes had with his ex before as iv been insecure in the past.(found naked photos of her from when theu were younger that hed kept in a lock up somewhere not looked at regular but he knew they were in their as he told me they may be in one of his boxes ) other things have made me insecure as I found out before he met me( about 10 years ago now) they had got back together (5 years after splitting up) and that they used to spend time together when both single doing family.things.
Mil has tried to split us up and she coerced his daughter into making up lies about me saying i wasnt making her feel welcome at our home which destroyed me. He just let everyone say all these things and pandered to them ,excluding me and my children at the request of his daughter and mother, we wernt allowed round to his mums house anymore and he had to take.his daughter out alone or take her to his Mums alone for contact as she said she didnt feel comfortable with me and my kids.
I found out he had secret calls to the ex about the situation never telling me never setting any of them straight or pulling his daughter up about it.
Iv been blamed by his mother that my bf doesnt talk much to the ex anymore. Thats not my doing, bf does exactly as he wants. I used to sit.in the car and cry when he used to drop his daughter off as ex wud stand at door in her nightie chatting telling him all her business.

Now his daughter is older he doesmt need to communicate as much with the ex he says, but shes a chatterbox so if she is on the doorstep she will chat i cant do anything about that. She has occassionally.asked for favours from him and he has done the odd thing i didnt agree with like warning her off someone she was seeing as he heard the man was into drugs(he says he did it for his daughters sake)

He likes to reiterate sometimes too much that he isnt interested in her and what she does a bit like "one doth protest too much" but nothing is going on i know that.

Everything is ok now with dsd as i sorted it out myself and swallowed my pride, she never apologised for the lies and i unfortunatly dont make the effort i used to do because she hurt me (e.g i let my bf buy her birthday card n presents alone now)

shes pleasant when she comes but dictates alot of what happens at the weekend as she never lets us know if shes coming or not so we will hang about all day or bf will drop everything to fetch her from work at last minute even if we are out. Shes also v v quiet unless.i do all the convo her and her dad hardly speak either its all a bit awkward! Shes makes.no effort with my children everything seems forced. Doesnt even wish any of my kids a happy.birthday. MIL still doesnt have anything to do with me, and bf doesnt try to sort this or pull her up about it.

I dont really know what the point of this is only to say everthing just builds up , and to top it off she dropped the house keys round last minute on the day they went abroad for my bf to go in their house and feed the f pet. Something he has always done for his ex.( he says she has no one else to do it and why wouldnt he as he sees its for his daughter) Im probably.just very very insecure and looking for some advice please xx thank you everyone

They presumed cos they know he will. Its not a them problem its a him problem.

He sounds awful. Why haven't you binned him yet?

I keep trying x

Hes already asked me whats up when he came in but if i say its bothering me he will say im doing it for my daughter its her pet 😬

No, he can't go to the seaside for more than one night. You and the kids absolutely can. Fuck him. Go without him and have a great time with the kids. Their lives shouldn't be affected by his stupid loyalty to his ex.

How have you tried to leave him? What's stopping you?

The more you post the more you sound like you are the one enjoying the drama. Why can't you go away with your DC on your own? Why can't you leave him?

The more you post the more you sound like you are the one enjoying the drama. Why can't you go away with your DC on your own? Why can't you leave him?

Very valud points, you may now be addicted to the drama of this situation. Some couples only function when they are in a toxic cycle of highs & lows.

Of course you can take your children away...why would you consider disappointing them? Are you dependant on him, financially and for driving?

Im just venting to you on here , im sorry , im just frustrated, I think the relationship should be easier by now and we should be closer and have plans but hes very laid back and doesnt show affection or much effort for relationship things too thats half the problem. He has a different love language. No i dont mean i cant leave i mean i keep trying to make it work , I dont think hes aware anything is much wrong until i have a melt down! As for the seaside yes of course i could go alone with kids but its not how a relatuinship is supposed to be, im sure we can go for 1 night all of us if i sort it and arrange it x

Ive enver had a relstionship like this before where i have to make most of the effort romantically, even with bad relationships theyv always shown emotion and empathy or tried to make effort but he doesnt ! He doesnt mean it its just the way he is. But ibvs it makes me insecure then i start thinking im not enough. Im very insecure I think changing myself will make me more desirable , iv been for consultations etc as i think itd help me, x

I have to say billy are you just copy and pasting this response on every single thread on this board ?

Could you not get a bit more imaginative with it ?

Do better 🙄

Funnily enough im abke to do what most mums do and mask what im feeling for the children which is why i thpught it was ok to air things in a neutral place like this but unfortunatly I think people sometimes use other peoples misery to be spiteful for no reason. My children have abd always will be by number one priority thank you for your input though x

@dontworrybhappy please don't worry about that poster. Your entitled to vent.

I do think that maybe you need a heart to heart with your DP

It really could put people off posting in here with rhe responses of some people its such a shame. Alot of people will be using these forums as they dont feel they can talk to anyone else maybe they havnt got anyone else. I was looking for neutral opinions as sometimes friends will side with you even if your wrong x

Thank you sweet, im sure its a case if different love languages sometimes i feel like im going crazy i probably am a little jealous too and probably need a very attentive reassuring oerson to help that so we clash as hes very black and white, he will literally blank me if im crying🤣 but he isnt a nasty person at all x

You're looking for neutral opinions but let's face it, it doesn't really matter what other people's opinions are. You've made it quite clear that you have no intention of ever leaving him and will continue on with this miserable relationship. The majority of people have given their opinion and advice, that this relationship is no good but you don't want to listen. You just want to be treated like shit, come on MN for a moan then go back to being treated like shit, and the circle continues. In 6 months time you'll be posting "I put in so much effort, why has he left me for his ex".

It's absolutely up to you to do what you want with your life but it's sad that your kids are being affected by this.

@dontworrybhappy I don't subscribe to the whole shaming someone for having feelings. I believe people are entitled to them.

That said I previous posters are right in some aspects. Right now your the boiling frog in the pot and the water isn't wrong or the frog or the pot. But the frog still ends up dead because the situation if it doesn't move . This isn't healthy or isn't the right fit.

He may be a good guy, he may be a lovely guy but the aim isn't to find all those qualities. The aim is to find someone that fits yours.

That said I work with a lot of bright smart women (and some men) and it always takes them time to realise they need to jump out of that pot.

Head my advice lovely it's not coming from a bad place. You deserve more than this.

Heed**

I get you thank you x