Taking both children to safari park

[MESHWIASH]

There is a 7 year age gap between DD and DSC, before DD was born we went to safari Park a lot with DSC and also they have been loads with mum (safari Park is relatively close). Since DD had come along we have done family days out to themeparks, family holidays etc.
Due to the cost of living, we no longer have much extra cash for expensive days out, so now tend to do different parks, with a picnic, again as a family.
I really want to take DD to safari park and would love a day out just me, DH and DD as we haven't actually done this as of yet. As DD isn't at school yet we can go on the week when it is cheaper and she is free, plus isn't old enough to go on the rides, again saving money. DH is happy to do this and said he will book a day of work. Obviously we won't tell DSC as they do not need to know, and mum has always said she's happy for us to do things without him, as long as we don't tell him.
However, MIL is not happy, she has told us its not fair, we are leaving DSC out and if they can't go then we shouldn't go at all. She has said that if we do go without DSC then she will make a point of taking DSC out on their own in the future and not take DD.
Now we have no problem at all if she took DSC out on their own as DSC adores nan and doesn't get to see her that often, but what she has said has made me question if we are being unfair not taking them both and if we should just wait until we have money to take both children.

MiL sounds vile. Remind her she is not the parent and it's none of her business.

Maybe remind her that DSC got to do this alone at the same age!

Stop telling her things. She’s an idiot. If she doesn’t know your plans she can’t have an opinion on them.

Why are you asking so many people? It's nothing to do with your DSCs mum, or your MIL what you do with your own dc.

MIL sounds nasty.

That’s silly. 9 year age gap between ours. If we’d only ever taken both out together, youngest would have gone nowhere during school terms.
Go to the safari park with your daughter. None of MIL’s business.

Your MIL is being a horrible arse.
You are only wanting to give her youngest grandchild the same experience the elder had but she would rather your child missed out entirely.
She's got a shitty attitude problem and I'd be watching carefully how it pans out of she's going to make your child a second rate grandchild.
Good on you and your DH for seeing that fairness in a blended family does not and cannot ever mean "all children get exactly the same thing at exactly the same time every single time".

Under school age all of my dc got Special Treatment.. Stuff school age miss out because they are like At School!
Ds's first favourite memories are breakfast at Morrison's. Older dc know they also had treats at 3yo and held no resentment! Tell mil to stfu!

Don't tell her, she doesn't need to know. You might feel bad and that you should share information but she has caused this. Have your day out and enjoy yourselves.

There's not a hint of unfairness about this, and I say that as a pushed out stepchild (not one single day out or holiday again with DF after SM had her own baby).
Enjoy your day out.

There’s nothing wrong with you taking your DC on trips out while the DSS is elsewhere. Absolutely nothing wrong at all.

Your MIL is being a nasty manipulative bitch and she is doing your DSC no favours by threatening to basically put a divide between the children. There’s nothing wrong with you taking just DC out (your DC is little and not in school, and DSC isn’t always with you), but what she is threatening to do is hurtful and unnecessary.

Some paternal grandmas have this weird obsession with their son’s children from his first marriage. Your MIL sounds like one of them. My ex MIL was obsessed with my exdsc too.

Your MIL is an absolute cow. What you are doing is fine.

Just go! There is no need to turn this into a big deal by consulting and ruminating, just get in the car and enjoy a day out. The end.

A reasonable question to ask is would you do the same if both children were your own? Would you take a younger DC on a big day out when the older one was spending the day at school?

If the answer is yes, then carry on. If the answer is no, then don't do it as it would be unfair to treat DSC differently.

It's DH's decision, as the parent of all the children involved. He's fine with it (as he should be), it's got bog all to do with MIL. Especially as DSC's mum would be fine with it too.

There is the risk that DD tells DSS when she next sees him, so that's something to consider? However, you could maybe tell him that there was an event on for pre-schoolers and he would have found it too babyish if he seems upset about it.

She's still slightly too young to say anything. Perfect age, old enough to enjoy the animals but to young to tell older brother.

She is more DSS the DD, she says its because she doesn't see him, but she sees them both the same amount. I think it's just more she (openly states) prefers boys to girls 🤷‍♀️

Well I don’t see why she wouldn’t if they were both their own. One is a pre schooler and the other is school aged, and plenty of parents take their little ones out for day while their older ones are at school.

What’s it got to do with mil? Would you really not go and take your dc on a day out just because she says it’s unfair?

Nan sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I'd be tempted to tell her that dc not spending time with someone as childish and manipulative as her seems like no bad thing.

Don't tell her. It's very simple.

With a dose of feeling sorry for DSS too I bet?

Why on earth are you telling your MIL this stuff? It's bizarre. In future, just be more discreet and do whatever you like with or without any/all of your kids.

Why are you telling MIL so much?

She is more DSS the DD, she says its because she doesn't see him, but she sees them both the same amount. I think it's just more she (openly states) prefers boys to girls 🤷‍♀️

I'd pull right back from her for your DDs sake. She sounds awful.

MIL doesn't understand the family set up. She needs to learn the youngest is allowed to have a life without the others being present.