Taking both children to safari park

[MESHWIASH]

There is a 7 year age gap between DD and DSC, before DD was born we went to safari Park a lot with DSC and also they have been loads with mum (safari Park is relatively close). Since DD had come along we have done family days out to themeparks, family holidays etc.
Due to the cost of living, we no longer have much extra cash for expensive days out, so now tend to do different parks, with a picnic, again as a family.
I really want to take DD to safari park and would love a day out just me, DH and DD as we haven't actually done this as of yet. As DD isn't at school yet we can go on the week when it is cheaper and she is free, plus isn't old enough to go on the rides, again saving money. DH is happy to do this and said he will book a day of work. Obviously we won't tell DSC as they do not need to know, and mum has always said she's happy for us to do things without him, as long as we don't tell him.
However, MIL is not happy, she has told us its not fair, we are leaving DSC out and if they can't go then we shouldn't go at all. She has said that if we do go without DSC then she will make a point of taking DSC out on their own in the future and not take DD.
Now we have no problem at all if she took DSC out on their own as DSC adores nan and doesn't get to see her that often, but what she has said has made me question if we are being unfair not taking them both and if we should just wait until we have money to take both children.

I can’t see why you wouldn’t take both children.

It sounds like a fun day out that would be even more fun if they’re both there.

I doubt your DD would get as much enjoyment out of it as your DSC due to their ages.

I think it’s fine to do things separately but I think it should be age specific things.
This is something that is fun for all ages.

Perhaps do the safari park as a family and then do something more age specific for just DD.

This is why you wouldn't take both children. It's right there in the OP.

As DD isn't at school yet we can go on the week when it is cheaper and she is free, plus isn't old enough to go on the rides, again saving money

Also, fun days out can be less fun with a large age gap as OP is bound to be left with the little one while her DH is off forking out money they clearly don't have to spare on rides for the eldest.

Furthermore, young children "getting less out of" trips is a very shitty reason not to do things with them that an older child might also like.

@funinthesun19 Some would, some wouldn't. There's no right or wrong answer, so long as the step child isn't being treated differently to how they would be treated if they were a child of both parents. That was the point of my post.

Take her up on the offer to take DSS out to something with just her! Tell her to pick something he’ll love but DD is too young for yet. It’s nice for kids to get one on one time like that and for not everything to always need to be a good fit for every child in the family.

If they don’t have the money then its fair enough they’d want to do free trips.

But I don’t see the point in doing a trip the child won’t get much out of when there are multiple free or cheap things to do for their age group.

I personally would do a trip the child finds much more fun.

What makes you think a pre schooler wouldn’t get anything out of a safari zoo trip? They love animals at that age.

WTF has it got to do with the MIL?

I suppose it depends how much of a dent in your treat budget this trip makes - if this means nothing for the dsc for weeks it doesn't seem fair whereas if you can do a whole family treat or your dh and dsc only soon it's less of an issue.

Little ones do like safari parks but they would enjoy a free/low cost petting zoo as much. I would save high cost trips for when they can truly appreciate it, plus remember you'll be doing activities with your lo long after the others are adults

Don’t get into the habit of pausing your life when dss isn’t there, it’s a bad habit. Your dss life doesn’t stop when he isn’t with you and I’m sure he does things with his mum/other family. It should be the same for dd. Don’t sacrifice your dd life experiences in your pursuit of fairness, because that’s not fair to her.
Your mil is at best well meaning, but it’s a toxic attitude. As you say it’s fine for her to take dsc out on their own, but doing it as some sort of punishment, making a point is very wrong. She needs put in her place.

The answer is to stop telling MIL things. She’s got no right to interfere.

the ‘What would you do if they were all your children?’ Question is also not relevant. They are not. The children are half siblings and the older children have an entirely separate family life elsewhere a significant proportion of the time. Family life for the youngest child should continue, - including nice trips out! - when the others are with their mum.

Anything else is not fair and is actually denying the youngest child a proper family life with her mother. She shouldn’t be sidelined or almost punished because the eldest children’s parents are not in a relationship but hers are.

@MESHWIASH

mum has always said she's happy for us to do things without him, as long as we don't tell him

FMD it's NONE of her business what YOU & DH do with YOUR daughter. You don't need her permission & you don't need to keep secrets.

Same with MIL. It's NOT her business to dictate what you do.

YOU are NOT unreasonable to take DD on her own (as DSS was taken as a small
pre schooler). People with school age children & pre schoolers often do this too.

obviously it wouldn't be nice to rub it in DSS face but that's the same as when the kids are all 'yours' & no need for it to be 'secret'. Dd will soon be able to chat away to her brother & shouldn't be restricted to
what she can/can't say. You can't stop HER life, because he's at school (or it's affordable to take DD & not both of them). It's not a 'step' thing, it's just normal family choices.

obviously you do nice things with him too, it's not like you lick him in the under-stairs cupboard & feed him gruel!!

I'd be fine with A MIL taking one child on his/her own in general occasionally as it's nice to have 1:1, but if she never wanted to have/visit them both then as soon as I thought it was bothering DD I'd put a stop to it, but frankly with HER behaviour I wouldn't want her having either child out of my ear shot actually.

Don't let other people dictate how you treat YOUR daughter

Why are you all talking about this? You don't need to tell everybody your going to a nearby safari park for a few hours

Your MIL sounds very unpleasant.

At least you know not to bother sharing anything with her now.

Enjoy the lovely day out with DD.

Wow how spiteful of your MIL, I would stop telling her your plans tbh. Of course its ok to take your baby out without their step sibling. Step siblings gets to do stuff with their mum that your child doesn't, if your MIL thinks she can dictate what you do with your child she needs a firm talking to from your husband.

Just go

Why does your MIL even know about this plan? She doesn’t need to be kept in the loop about every activity you do with your partner and child. Don’t tell her and go have fun.

Tell her to mind her business and stop being such a miserable bag.

If that’s the case, you’ve got loads of trips to “make up for” seeing as you went loads before DD was born. Tell her it’s one of those trips.

Given your update it sounds like your canny and unpleasant MIL has pounced upon an excuse to legitimise what she wants to do anyway; see more of the child with a penis.