Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

So frustrated

42 replies

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 22:26

I won’t go into the back story. Let’s just say I have an adult SD who constantly needs her fathers compete attention at all times.

She’s done some pretty awful things. If his attention is on me even slightly there is a drama created and he has to go and sort it. It seriously impacts our time together. She has said and done lots of very manipulating things over the years which has caused big rows between me and my other half and almost ended the relationship a number of times.

I don’t know if I’m just being over sensitive but my other half is on a boys weekend as someone is getting married. My phone just started pinging. It’s messages from my SD. She has gone out with him and suggesting she has been invited to attend. There are no female partners there, it’s all males. Sending me photos of him sat at the bar. The photos are not posed, he clearly doesn’t know it’s being taken and is looking elsewhere. It’s all blurry like it’s been done quickly. He has not told me she has been invited.

I feel really annoyed about it and I don’t even know why. It just feels like the messages and photos are done to just make feel unimportant. I haven’t heard from him at all.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:

doesthat · 22/04/2023 22:29

She sounds like she's jealous of you! Does she have a partner or a family of her own?

Original poster

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 22:34

No she’s single. SD and my partner still live together. She’s made it very clear that’s how she intends it to stay for the foreseeable. He is trying to change this and move in with me but getting nowhere fast. As he’s recently put on a bit of pressure for her to be independent this behaviour towards me has really escaped. I’m at the end of my tether tbh.

OP posts:

Doyoumind · 22/04/2023 22:35

Are you not going into the backstory as you posted about her before and the thread got deleted?

Original poster

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 22:37

Not at all. Be only signed up today. It’s just a very long story lol.

OP posts:

Navigatingthroughlife · 22/04/2023 22:38

SD attending her dads mate stag do is strange. Sorry I’d never attend a man’s stag do let alone my dads mate…

yetimum1 · 22/04/2023 22:41

Sorry how old is DSD here? Must be of adult age to be in the pub? How long have you been together?

Original poster

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 22:41

Glad it’s not just me then. I’ve become very aware that when these things happen which are strange, when I mention it, it backfires in my face. It’s made me wonder if I’m being silly tbh.

OP posts:

Original poster

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 22:42

SD is 21 and we’ve been together over three years.

OP posts:

Navigatingthroughlife · 22/04/2023 22:44

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 22:41

Glad it’s not just me then. I’ve become very aware that when these things happen which are strange, when I mention it, it backfires in my face. It’s made me wonder if I’m being silly tbh.

Definitely not! I took my dad to the pub at 18 to buy him a pint but I’d never in a million years turn up to his mates stag do…to me that’s a man’s thing

hourbyhour101 · 22/04/2023 22:48

Weird behaviour for any adult to attend their dads friends stag do. Jesus wept.

If she gotten to this age and still acting like this, means unfortunately your DP is a big part of the problem.

Parents who parent from a place of guilt have this type of thing come to bite them.

I would screenshot the messages from DSC and send them to your DP, saying this is weird behaviour please tell her to knock it off.

In response I would be v v nice (she wants a rise out of you) say "ohhh looks like you guys are having fun 🥰 have a fab night xxx "

And that will piss her right off xx

hourbyhour101 · 22/04/2023 22:51

Also op I doubt your DP invited his daughter on a stag do. I imagine she guilt tripped and turned up like some weirdo and now all his mates are probably taking the piss.

He's probably having a equally shitty night because his missing backbone is showing.

I wouldn't slate him for her coming. I would reiterate this is odd behaviour and maybe suggest she needs to speak to someone professionally.

sewerrat · 22/04/2023 22:51

she seems very weird. my sister is 21 and I imagine shed rather eat dog poo than go to the pub with our father, let alone his mates stag! how embarrassing. I agree with others, reply saying 'have a jager bomb for me! look after yourselves xxx'

coretext · 22/04/2023 22:51

Does your partner know that she's there? Is she stalling him?

Aylestone · 22/04/2023 22:53

This is never going to get better. He can’t put his foot down with her and she’s a grown woman. Even if he does eventually move in with you, I pretty much guarantee she’ll make your life hell. She’ll up the dramatics, it’ll get worse, not better

Original poster

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 22:55

She is constantly suggesting he goes out clubbing with her. Says she wants to see him on the dance floor with her. I feel like she’s encouraging him to live the life of a single man every time this topic rears its head.

Just before his birthday last year she messaged me saying he had told her what he really wanted to do for his birthday was visit this particular bar with her. She said she thought she’d mention to me that’s what he really wanted to do and I could join them if I didn’t have my son at home that weekend. He denied that he said this to her and made out I was wrong until I showed him the messages. He said it was a miscommunication. And whilst he agreed that was clearly what she had told me it wasn’t what she really meant.

This is not the first time I’ve had pictures sent to me of him out with her in a club. I didn’t know they were even out the last time and it caused absolute murder. Apparently I was just being silly.

OP posts:

yetimum1 · 22/04/2023 22:55

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 22:42

SD is 21 and we’ve been together over three years.

Strange to turn up at her dads pals stag do and even stranger to tell you. Screams possessive to me. She’s obviously grown up with her dad being a huge part of her life and isn’t liking the idea of sharing him with you. She will hopefully grow out of it when she realises you’re here for good and your dad wants you here. I wouldn’t pay it any attention and just ignore completely.

Perhaps mention to DP and have him have a word and let her know he cares for you and you’ll be around for a while.

Adult DSC can be difficult. Do you get on well otherwise or is she generally reluctant to speak with you?

Dontbelieveaword · 22/04/2023 22:57

I wouldn't be contacting your DP tonight, there's no need to ruin his night.
I like the idea of replying, as pp says, saying wow, looks great, have a lovely night'. I'd then block her for rest of evening, pour yourself a nice glass of something and enjoy your evening.
Then next time you see DP ask him to sit down and have a conversation with him about her again. You can't force him to throw her out so he can move in with you (or whatever the plans were for living arrangements were), but you can tell him you are no longer prepared to put up with her behaviour. It's obviously not going to change anytime soon so you have to decide whether this is a relationship you can imagine yourself being in for rest of your life. Even if he does somehow manage to move in with you, do you think she'll stop the mind games and manipulation?

InceyWinceySpidy · 22/04/2023 22:58

I agree with PP in thinking she wasn't invited at all, but knew where they were going and has just taken herself along, especially as she's taken quick blurry photos of no one looking at the camera.

I bet she's "accidentally" turned up there and is hovering. I can imagine how far from thrilled they all are that she's there, she won't be doing herself any favours.

It's just to be a dick and try and get to you, and obviously she is a lonely and attention seeking young woman.

I'd be inclined to act not bothered at all, or even send a "Look's fun! Have a fab time!" to piss on her parade.

Original poster

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 23:07

We get on ok at surface level. It’s the covert behaviours that are a real issue for me. There’s never been any screaming matches or fall outs. I’m pretty laid back and not in the least confrontational. Probably have the problem to be honest.

OP posts:

Original poster

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 23:12

Thanks all. So glad I found this group.

You have all made me feel like I’m not being a weirdo about this. I was really thinking it was me being a sensitive nut job.

I have no plans to contact him tonight and I’m not even planning on mentioning it tomorrow. It’ll be interesting to see if he says anything to me.

I have already wished her a great night as soon as she messaged me lol.

As for the future, I absolutely agree that the tactics will ramp considerably from SD. I can’t control that but am able to control what I do about it and wether this is a future I want. I’ve had a lot of thinking about this over the last few weeks tbh.

OP posts:

Amybelle88 · 22/04/2023 23:15

coretext · 22/04/2023 22:51

Does your partner know that she's there? Is she stalling him?

This - it actually sounds like he doesn't know she's there, especially with the pics of him and him not being aware he's actually having his picture taken.

So so fucking weird.

Aylestone · 22/04/2023 23:15

This is starting to sound a bit sick tbh. Like she fancies her own father. At the very least she’s competing for attention with someone her father has a sexual relationship with. And he’s not putting a stop to it. This is all shades of wrong.

Original poster

ClB207710 · 22/04/2023 23:26

I agree with the all shades of wrong. It’s a very private thought process that’s gone back and fore in my head a LOT but was afraid to put it out there. One time she seen a picture of him when he was younger at a relatives house. She said to him very quietly how he has got better with age, like a fine wine. I actually nearly had a stroke when I overheard it.

OP posts:

sewerrat · 23/04/2023 00:41

wtf this girl has problems! to QUIETLY say how he's 'got better with age' makes it that bit slimier! 😷I feel sick

SemperIdem · 23/04/2023 00:54

Her behaviour doesn’t sound even remotely healthy.

It’s coming across as though she fancies her dad 🥴

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread