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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step parents who cross the line

57 replies

Tulip630 · 18/04/2023 14:31

I wasn’t sure where to post this but I’m looking for advice from step parents or anyone who is/has been in my position.
I have an almost 13 year old and I’m 6 months pregnant. My 13 year old has limited contact with her dad because he chose to move far away and doesn’t drive. He is married and has a child with his wife. My 13 year old goes to visit once every 3 months (his request) whilst I don’t agree with the minimal contact I no longer involve myself in the arrangements as she is old enough to chose.
His wife has been texting my daughter in between visits. I had no idea but I also don’t mind as she sees her as a big sister to confide in about boys etc. (only 10 years between them)
My daughter has shown me messages that her stepmother has been speaking about me in an appalling way to her, calling me names, telling her that I don’t know who my baby’s father is and that I earn my money from onlyfans (I actually work in a bank to assure you all it’s not true), and generally saying I am a bad mother and she should live with them.
Distraught is not the word im feeling. Im hurt that someone I barely know would say this when she has no clue about my parenting and most of all that she has said it directly to my child.
She has also encouraged her to try cigarettes in secret and to lose her virginity at a young age to be cool in her friendship group. I have forwarded these messages to her dad to ask why his wife feels this is appropriate.
In this situation how would you deal with it? The natural reaction is to be angry and react accordingly but I know this isn’t the best thing for my daughter to see. Would you refuse further contact with the stepmother being present? I need to keep her safe from this very obviously irresponsible woman but I don’t want to jeopardise time with her dad and brother.

OP posts:
Reugny · 19/04/2023 09:46

Tulip630 · 18/04/2023 19:09

I have had a response from her dad that he is sorry and will speak to his wife. He claims he didn’t know they text each other. I’m not buying it and the sorry is meaningless when he should be as angry as me. I just thank the stars he rarely contacts my daughter anyway. I’m waiting to hear from the police but I understand it can take a while for anything to come of it.

If he's a wet lettuce then he's asked someone else how to respond to your messages.

billy1966 · 19/04/2023 09:50

flowergirl2020 · 19/04/2023 09:33

I'd let your daughters school know, contact social services etc and as someone said consider an interim order. I'm an ex secondary school teacher and if a pupil divulged messages such as this to me, regardless of whether they were sent by another pupil, step parent or even parent... to me it's grooming and I would refer it to the safe guarding lead. The nasty messages about you are bad enough and warrant getting an interim order and further advise since it appears she is trying to alienate you. But the stuff about sec and cigarettes is grooming. Good luck with it all xx the step mum sounds a right nut job xx

Good post.

inform the school.

Grooming is the word to also describe this.

Lastnamedidntstick · 19/04/2023 09:55

Tulip630 · 18/04/2023 19:09

I have had a response from her dad that he is sorry and will speak to his wife. He claims he didn’t know they text each other. I’m not buying it and the sorry is meaningless when he should be as angry as me. I just thank the stars he rarely contacts my daughter anyway. I’m waiting to hear from the police but I understand it can take a while for anything to come of it.

Have you reported to social services as well?

as your child is immediately safeguarded the police will then be investigating if a crime has taken place, prosecution etc.

they will refer to social services, but quicker if you do it yourself to get the ball rolling re. Withdrawing contact, safeguarding other children etc.

HerrickForever · 19/04/2023 09:56

What the hell is she thinking? 😠

Original poster
Tulip630 · 19/04/2023 10:20

Thanks everyone, I’m still waiting for responses and follow ups but I feel better knowing it’s in the hands of professionals. Her dad hasn’t been in touch since and unlikely will be. I have a meeting at the school today. I’ll update if anything changes. Thanks again for all the support.

OP posts:
hourbyhour101 · 22/04/2023 14:51

@Tulip630 I'm actually agast that someone would do this.

Your poor Dd. I hope you have had some movement on all this ?

Your ex's response would give me the ick tbh. Surely he should be as cross as you ?

I just had a weird thought. I don't suppose your ex would have used he's wife's mobile to send these messages. The trying to convince your dd to stay with them full time rings of wants to not pay maintenance ?

And seems at odds with sm turning the bedroom into a walk in wardrobe ? Making your Dd feel unwelcome.

Hope all had settled down for you ❤️

GoldenFarfalle · 08/05/2023 18:42

Lastnamedidntstick · 18/04/2023 17:03

She doesn’t sound immature. She sounds like a predator.

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I agree.
I would contact police and social services .

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