AIBU - (stepmums only please)

[h2403]

Would you be annoyed if your MIL commented things like "beautiful" & "wonderful mum" on sdd's mums facebook.

The same MIL who constantly slags off sdd's mum btw.

Just feels very insensitive. The comments are not needed. Of course she should have a good relationship with her granddaughters mum but those comments... when her son has remarried... traitor behaviour?

Is she beautiful and a wonderful mum?

does MIL say these things to you too?

I don’t think MIL should be complimenting her if she’s always slagging her off, but tbh I’ve known most people to do this

I think it's a bit twatty if she's slagging her off too but on a whole she's allowed to be nice to her. Why should she not say stuff like that just because her son found someone else?

I'd think she was a bit of a twat doing that and then being rude about her behind her back, but nothing to do with it being your DH's ex.

I am GLAD my DSCs mum is a wonderful mum. I'd be a bit pissed off if DH publicly called her beautiful, but not anyone else!

My ex MIL reacts or comments on literally everything ony facebook even though we are both with new partners. Even likes just pictures of me and new partners. I just put it down to oldies on facebook tbh.

Would be lovely if genuine friendship with her.

But if she talks about her behind her back then i suspect she is worried or paranoid that she won't see grandchild as often if she can't get along with her.

Either way nothing against you.

yabu - nothing to do with you

Same here. I'd think it would be a bit weird if she was all nice but then not really talk to me once her son had got with someone else. I'm still the mum of her grandkids and we've never fallen out.

Why are you taking offence at behaviour that literally has zero impact on you?

its nothing to do with being a SM, it just sounds like you’re searching for things to be pissed off with your MIL about

The only issue I see is mil being two faced, slagging her off and then publicly complimenting her 🤷‍♀️

Wouldn't bother me, I can't not expect my inlaws to have a relationship with the mother of their grandchildren.

I mean I would take three things from this.

1. ML is a twat (not for the comments) but because she's two faced.

1. If she does that type of behaviour with the childrens mum she's more than likely to do this to you and or anyone else. This type of toxic doesn't just stay in a isolated box

1. She might know it annoys you so I would be tempted to join in (if you can say something nice about mum and or not coming across out of place or sound scarky) mainly because if that is ml game it will piss her off. Or completely ignore it and not let her get a rise out of you (which is what she wants)

Or you could be a complete trouble maker and next time she's slagging her off in front of you and say oh actually I think she's really lovely. I thought you did too esp when I saw your fb comment on the photo of her and the kids. Has something happened ? (use big wide innocent bambi eyes at that point

However I like to point this shit out to people v innocently and it's remarkable all the bitching I don't have to hear anymore. And me and my DSC mum don't always see eye to eye but we are friendly enough so this would make me feel v awkward.

Obviously bigger issue if this was DH and he was commenting on photos of just mum on fb.

MIL is probably treating you the same - lovely to your face and in places (like social media) where you might spot it, but slagging each off to the other.

Let it roll over you. Be glad the the DC in the middle of this is going to spot the good stuff

Just an idea though - if it bothers you so much, don't go on the ex's social media and you won't see it.

I mean that's not how facebooks algorithm works, let's not pretend.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this going down. Especially since if someone's two face to another person. You know they will do it to you too.

Yes that's very disloyal behaviour.
Probably intentionally so.
Sounds like MIL has form for being manipulative in any case.

It wouldn’t feel traitorous to me but if it’s not what she thinks then it’s two faced which I’d not think was right. What makes you think it’s disloyal? She’s not saying anything against you or your parenting; yoir stepchild’s mum being beautiful or a good parent has no reflection on you

I mean that's not how facebooks algorithm works, let's not pretend.

I mean, it really is @hourbyhour101 You control what you see. She won't see her MIL's comments unless she's friends with the ex. So if it bothers you there's an easy fix.

MIL is a lot closer to DSD's DM than me, they are always visiting each other, they spend time at each other's houses at Christmas, MIL gets invited to her family events, DSD's DM's relatives visit MIL.

As long as it has nothing to do with me and my DC it doesn't bother me. MIL is your SDD's Grandparent, she's going to have a relationship with your partner/DH's ex for the rest of her life.

Yeah, I don't see any posts from anyone I don't want to. And il only see posts from random people if someone I know is tagged in it. You can hide things/block/unfriend them. She doesn't HAVE to see what MIL is commenting on. Assuming she's not friends with the ex on Facebook, It's almost like she's looking for it to get wound up.

I’d think MIL was a two faced cow towards the mum and assume she does the same about me. Traitorous? Only towards the mum, not me.

Do you know why you care so much?

No I would not be annoyed at all. I would assume it is about keeping her sweet for easy relations. I would assume that she would be similarly disingenuous with me.

Yes in all
Honestly I wud be

Boom! Exactly.

I can get where a lot of people are coming from but yes, I wouldn’t like it.

Block the ex and it will stop popping up

I'd be so annoyed.

But I don't feel like it would be reasonable of me.

So I'd just move past it.