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New partners

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Charmaine1234 · 03/04/2023 11:43

Ive been seeing a man for 9 months, ive an older child & younger child who is 5. We did him stopping for a cup of tea once a week for 6 months, and have started trying Sunday dinner or a walk etc, however she often refuses to accept him, only occasionally allowing him in, he tries so hard. At times she shouts, screams & refuses to be in the same room. Occasionally she will let him play with her. Its becoming very stressful

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WheelsUp · 04/04/2023 17:08

Does your dd or her sibling ever have friends come round to your house? How does she react?

Original poster
Charmaine1234 · 04/04/2023 17:14

jemimapuddlepluck · 04/04/2023 16:50

A week is a long gap for a little one though. She needs the chance to get used to him been around. Perhaps stop the dinners and just have him round for a quick cuppa so she knows he won't be there for long. I agree that you waited a good amount of time to introduce him but its obvious this won't be a quick process. Little and often, routine and no forcing any interaction is the key here. She will come round OP. Good luck!

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Thankyou so much

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Original poster
Charmaine1234 · 04/04/2023 17:15

WheelsUp · 04/04/2023 17:08

Does your dd or her sibling ever have friends come round to your house? How does she react?

Hes at the age they go out to play footy, they dont really come in anymore. We're a small family so dont get many family visitors etc

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Original poster
Charmaine1234 · 04/04/2023 17:16

LaDamaDeElche · 04/04/2023 16:13

One thing I thought of that might get her to open up in a different way is something I used to do with DD at that age. She had a favourite teddy and when we had to talk about something difficult for her to express, the Teddy would talk to her and she'd answer him (obviously I'd be doing a funny Teddy voice lol). It was a really light, fun way of talking about emotional stuff that's quite "big" for a child of that age. It's maybe worth a try. You don't just have to focus on him, but how she feels with new people in general etc.

Not sure if i replied to this as trying to figure app and how replies come up etc but thankyou, good advice

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settlingpoendering · 06/04/2023 06:01

@ASixPackAndTheRadio

Completely depends on how you normally socialise. If you have lots of friends of the opposite sex, how would a five year old know.

Original poster
Charmaine1234 · 06/04/2023 14:08

settlingpoendering · 06/04/2023 06:01

@ASixPackAndTheRadio

Completely depends on how you normally socialise. If you have lots of friends of the opposite sex, how would a five year old know.

Very true. Ive a few

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Crazay · 10/04/2023 09:04

I don't think there is anything wrong with planning for the long term as long as you're prepared to be flexible depending on how things pan out.

At the moment your child is very clearly telling you she's not happy with the situation so I'd stop the visits for a while. Children change all the time, she may feel differently at 6 then at 5 etc.. just give it time, slow down a bit and see how she is in a few more months or whatever.

I don't think you were necessarily wrong for trying to introduce him, but you would be if you continued to try and push it now knowing how unhappy your daughter is about it at the moment.

ASixPackAndTheRadio · 10/04/2023 13:33

Charmaine1234 · 06/04/2023 14:08

Very true. Ive a few

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Because as much as you might try to act like they’re just a friend, kids will pick up on the little differences. My niece and nephew were 5 and 6 and within 2 meetings of my SILs new ‘friend’, they knew. SIL hadn’t told them, she hadn’t had any physical contact with her BF in front of them, they just picked up on something being different. Her two best friends are both men.

Coffeepot72 · 10/04/2023 14:14

SeulementUneFois · 04/04/2023 14:16

OP. You need to address this first.

Such a reaction is not acceptable behavior to anyone. Alternatively it's due to your ex badmouthing; or a MH issue but that's unlikely if she's not behaving like that to others.

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That’s exactly what I thought

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