Advice needed- adjusting to child having step-parent

[Singlemummy01]

Initially posted this on parenting thread then saw this thread which is more appropriate! So apologies for cross posting.

Just as the title says really.

My 4 year old daughter has recently started talking about my ex - husband's (still in the process of divorcing) partner more. It feels like I am winded everytime she mentions the partner's name, and of course I have a big smile on my face and act interested in whatever it is she is saying about the partner.

I just can't seem to shake the feeling of grief, and jealousy, that another lady gets to enjoy special moments with my child - I feel so sad that it was never supposed to be like this and is never a part of the plan when you try for a baby.

We alternate Christmas Eve, and I am already thinking ahead to this Christmas as I am very much aware that this lady will likely be waking up with my daughter on Christmas morning and it makes me feel so overwhelmed and sad.

I know I should be happy that my daughter seems to like this lady, but I am just not quite there yet.

Any advice for anyone who had dealt with feelings around this?

Thank you

My DSD5 and I are super close. We do loads together and I must admit I do spoil her a bit. Today we both went to the hairdresser for a wash and blowdry, I take her to my nail appointments with me for a file and polish, I bake with her, play games with her, play dress-up, teach her to read and write etc. We have her just over 50%, I do most of the school runs as it works best for DH and I's work schedules. So I spend a lot of time with her and she gets plenty of attention when she's here.

She doesn't get the same attention at her mum's. She's left with babysitters loads or left with her ipad. Hygiene and general care are questionable. Despite this she adores her mum.

It doesn't matter how amazing the SM is, she'll never be her mum. She'll never replace you. As hard as it is, I'd just be grateful that the SM is treating her well and that your DD likes her.