Do you remind your stepkids about birthdays?

[Floofydawg]

He's forgotten his dad's birthday. He's 16 - old enough to remember and sort out a card. My husband is hurt but pretending he's not.

Do you remind your stepkids?

I've not done any reminding this year and so far "we've" forgotten 3 birthdays and he's asked me when mothers day is despite it being on the calendar and him having a smart phone with Google.

My brother is 27 and I still remind him of our parents and sisters birthdays

I don't think some men are arsed about birthdays etc.
I know it's a generalization.
Maybe his son feels this way too.
Dp says it's a load of bollox, I asked him about his 50th, and he just said who cares.

I barely remember birthdays so I always remind everyone!

Yea of course and my partner always sends my kids a “don’t forget mums birthday on the x “

Every single time you do that the message given to everyone is that they don’t need to take responsibility for remembering people’s birthdays. It’s your responsibility to make sure you remind them and facilitate it.

Women need to stop enabling men’s incompetence.

Of course, if your brother didn’t get anything, the likelihood is that you and everyone else would blame you for not reminding him rather than him for being a 27 year old man who cannot be bothered to remember his parents’ birthdays.

I remind them a couple of weeks before because I would hate my DH to be hurt if one of them forgot.

Never met a man who cared either way tbh - about their own or others.
Can't say I am that bothered myself either.
But as he does care, and presumably makes a big deal of his son's birthday as well, I'd expect him to prompt his son to remember

Doesn't bother me who remembers who doesnt living life is more important.

I think that’s a being a bit of a martyr and would ignore him. 16 year olds often need reminders, it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

I don't have step kids but I remind my nephews about birthdays in a more round about way.

"What are the plans for XX's birthday? It's in 2 weeks isn't it?"

"Are we doing XX's birthday tea on Thursday?"

"Hey DN, we're doing a pizza party for DH's birthday next weekend"

I always have a stash of cards in the house anyways for emergency (5 for £1 from Card Factory) so if push comes to shove they can always grab one from there but we always take pride in finding the most suitable card for the receiver so a generic one would be pretty obvious that someone had forgot.

I have a problem with remembering birthdays and I have reminders on my phone. I forgot a close friend's birthday recently. 😱 One of my other friends makes a point of reminding me because she knows I'm forgetful but she's been Ill so no reminder. I felt dreadful.
I now only remind my adult DC when they haven't mentioned putting a card in the post.

Yes I remind them, I also remind my own for their dad.

While it's true that it isn't a woman's job to remind others about birthdays, the fact is that sometimes if you don't do it, a person you care for gets hurt. So irl it comes to a choice of either risking hurt feelings or taking steps to avoid it. I'd rather mention it.

My SS is 25 and I still remind him now. However my husband is 47 and I have to remind him about his parents birthdays

Some people are useless with dates. I still have to remind my dad about my mums birthday.

Not reminding your SS seems pointless.

But why is it the woman's responsibility to ensure that the person isn't hurt by another person's thoughtlessness? It's like having to do someone else's thinking for them. Honestly, it pisses me off.

It’s seriously not that deep. I wouldn’t let it get to you so much. Maybe have a word with your husband and remind him that his 16yr old son not remembering his birthday (when tbh they have enough to remember with their undeveloped brains, just getting out the door in the morning with everything my 16yr old son needs is a stretch in itself) is not an indication of how much he cares and loves him. If he were your own son then I feel you would have just bought a card and present for him to give to his dad maybe

He’s 16, he needs to take responsibility for this. I knew my families birthday from a young age and it’s not exactly hard to pop it into your phone’s calendar. No reminder needed, he should wise up. Bet he remembers when his mates birthdays are

I agree. Don't do it. If they get hurt it's not your fault. I remember my own family's birthdays that's it.

@Floofydawg I'm not saying it's a woman's responsibility. But given the choice of my husband feeling sad on his birthday or not, or my parents feeling remembered and cared about on their anniversary, I'd choose to remind family members and prioritise the feelings of people I love, on their important days.
I'm not going to shrug my shoulders and just say it's not my problem.

Also I don't see this as a woman v man thing, more a person who remembers v person who forgets dates