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Original poster

Do you remind your stepkids about birthdays?

47 replies

Floofydawg · 08/03/2023 21:55

He's forgotten his dad's birthday. He's 16 - old enough to remember and sort out a card. My husband is hurt but pretending he's not.

Do you remind your stepkids?

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motherofkevinnotperry · 08/03/2023 21:56

He's only 16. Yes of course I remind them. Adults remind each other.

Kentishbornknitter · 08/03/2023 21:57

Yes and I took them shopping for their Mum’s birthday and Mothers Day pressies when they were little.

glitterbugsparkles · 08/03/2023 22:00

At 16? 2 weeks prior a reminder, but expect them to sort a card themselves thereafter

Beamur · 08/03/2023 22:02

Nope. At 16 he should remember himself.

Dotcheck · 08/03/2023 22:03

Yes, I would. Just to avoid your husband being hurt

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/03/2023 22:04

They don’t need reminding and they’re younger than 16.

Did he really forget or could he not be bothered?

Original poster
Floofydawg · 08/03/2023 22:05

Well the thing is, my husband has a big thing about his son remembering himself without prompting, otherwise it doesn't count.

OP posts:
Undermyumberellaellaella · 08/03/2023 22:06

Floofydawg · 08/03/2023 22:05

Well the thing is, my husband has a big thing about his son remembering himself without prompting, otherwise it doesn't count.

Well he wouldn't know if you just said a quiet reminder, would he?

ImAvingOops · 08/03/2023 22:09

Husband is setting himself up for a fall then!
It's foolish to 'test' his kids like this. It's perfectly normal for one parent to gently remind them - if the kids didn't bother after that, fair enough to be upset.

I still text my brother and kids to remind them it's our parents anniversary/birthday. They may or may not need it but it ensures they don't forget and feelings aren't hurt unnecessarily

NewNameNigel · 09/03/2023 00:07

I've never but I've never needed to. At 16 he should be remembering by himself.
I have never forgotten either of my parents birthdays

SeulementUneFois · 09/03/2023 00:29

No. He reminds them himself, but they still don’t even get him a card.

LHReturns · 09/03/2023 00:59

Yes my SS18 and SS16 are pretty good at remembering but as they are both boarding schools, frantic for their exams, I think nice to prompt them about family birthdays, and fathers and mothers days. I like the recipients to feel special and remembered on the day, so worth the effort. I know I don’t have to.

toomuchlaundry · 09/03/2023 01:04

Is mum not on the scene? I would assume either if not both would prompt. I would like to think he would remember and not need prompting. I might be more, what are you thinking about getting your dad in the hope that he had remembered and was sorting something or checking whether he wanted me to order it

P1ckledonionz · 09/03/2023 01:09

Floofydawg · 08/03/2023 22:05

Well the thing is, my husband has a big thing about his son remembering himself without prompting, otherwise it doesn't count.

Oh wow. That sounds unrealistic.

Could SS be prompted to put an annual reminder on his phone calender?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 09/03/2023 01:51

I knew and remembered my parents birthdays from about age 7. How could a teen be so obtuse and/or uncaring?

LeafHunter · 09/03/2023 02:28

We’d have had some chat at some point as a family ie it’s dads birthday on Wednesday so shall we go out for dinner on Saturday or Sunday? Then I’d have seperately said “do you neeed to use my Amazon prime to get dads birthday or are you getting something after school?” So I wouldn’t remind but I would offer support in making sure it happened. Same as an adult - DH and I agree when we’re celebrating and I’ll ask if he wants ideas for my present or if he has something in mind. Why set someone else up for failure or be a martyr about it?!

DrMarciaFieldstone · 09/03/2023 02:44

No, not any more.

DarkNecessities · 09/03/2023 02:47

It’s not a test

Some people are more focussed on dates.
I still remind my adult DS it’s his Dads birthday!

ibuymeownflowers · 09/03/2023 07:14

No I don't bother. Their mum used to, I don't know if she does any more. DH reminds them about mum's

Soproudoflionesses · 09/03/2023 08:00

I don't - it has been his dad's bday on the same date since long before we got together so would feel like l was overstepping to be honest

Sarain · 09/03/2023 08:07

I always do. They are 13 and 17 but I've been in their lives a long time and their mum never has. The 13 year old gets a card but the 17 year old just puts his name on his sisters card...

bamboonights · 09/03/2023 08:17

Yes all kids in general and all males if necessary. Pisses me off that this 'job' always seems to land on the females in life. Same for Xmas. It wouldn't happen without women.

Original poster
Floofydawg · 09/03/2023 08:19

bamboonights · 09/03/2023 08:17

Yes all kids in general and all males if necessary. Pisses me off that this 'job' always seems to land on the females in life. Same for Xmas. It wouldn't happen without women.

So why do you do it then? They will never remember themselves while a woman is doing their thinking for them.

OP posts:
Retractable · 09/03/2023 08:21

Kentishbornknitter · 08/03/2023 21:57

Yes and I took them shopping for their Mum’s birthday and Mothers Day pressies when they were little.

Why though? Because you’re a woman and present buying etc falls into your remit?

Buying Mother’s Day presents for his ex on behalf of/with the children really feels like it should be their father’s responsibility.

Reminders about/help with their father’s birthday is less clear-cut. That’s about ensuring your partner isn’t disappointed on his birthday so I can see why you’d do it. But, @Floofydawg‘s partner has said he doesn’t want her to remind his son. So it’s probably best to just let him be disappointed when his 16 year old forgets.

aSofaNearYou · 09/03/2023 08:21

Personally I think around 16 is the time you don't get reminded, forget to do it, feel really guilty because your parent is visibly disappointed, and hopefully remember in future.

But of a rite of passage in developing empathy.