When do they decide?

[soleilblue]

What age do the DSC usually get to say which house they'll be at? And if you usually have EOW do you just say you can come that weekend if you want but if not it won't be until the next EOW or do you just say any weekend you want just let us know a couple of weeks in advance. It makes it tricky to plan eg family trips and holidays as DSC 1 keeps wanting to chop and change.

Getting a good deal?

It would be awful for DH. Pay as if they aren't there and if they come he gets reimbursed? Like he's some sort of childcare?

As far as maintenance goes it’s based on the average over a year. So look at the average over the last 3/4 months and pay based on that.

I wouldn’t drop a teen in it by telling the family they ‘can’t be arsed’ to see them. It’s very normal for teens not to want to go to family gatherings
I enjoy seeing my children so personally I’d enable them to participate in my life wherever possible. So it depends on what the ‘pre-booked’ activity is. Cinema trip which is quite easy to get an additional ticket yes I’d try. Special meal for 2 no I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t say no on principle but I’m honest about that and tbh wouldn’t have considered having a second family. As your partner has made that decision he does have to consider you and your children

As opposed to paying as if they are there and her having them and not being reimbursed? You're the one who's implying let it be. She's the one kicking off about not getting paid so is that not a good deal? You're leaving it be and she's getting her cash?

As far as maintenance goes it’s based on the average over a year. So look at the average over the last 3/4 months and pay based on that. that seems a good solution and means the kids don't become pay per view!

We have 5 kids between us of various ages but all parents get on which helps.

we have an open door policy so they can come as and when they want to, but if we have plans we say that and don’t rearrange or cancel that, or they can tag along where feasible.

If we are doing something on a weekend that might appeal to the kids we put it on the group chat and see if they want to come, similarly if relatives are visiting it goes on the group chat and they can keep it free or say they already have plans etc.

we don’t change the maintenance either - the kids flit about that much and I can think of nothing worse than sitting down and arguing over a few nights difference. There is no animosity between us all though and so I can imagine this isn’t an arrangement that would work for everyone.

Why not get a family calendar app. Everyone puts their plans in so it's visible to everyone. You can add in family occasions like "cousin Chris's 21st" or any plans you have "Dan and Jane's date night" "family cinema night" etc. They kids can then see what's happening each weekend and decide whether they want to come through or not.

Should they get a choice though? I'm thinking I never had a choice if I lived in my mum and dad's house. I guess though it's the benefit of two homes!