Page 2 | Contact with a court order

BMCx · 2023-02-25T23:15:15+00:00

Hi everyone, just want some advice really my partners daughter is 8 years old a refusing to come to our house it has been 6 weeks now no contact so she has missed 3 weekends ( partners has weekend overnight stays fortnightly). we have a court order in place purely for contact reasoning - this was arranged before child turned 2 years due to mum moving away from the area. The mum doesn’t seem to be encouraging contact ie phone calls or messages on his contact weekends or during the week, he seems a bit lost. is there anything we can do

Talon01 · 04/03/2023 11:09

Lefteyetwitch · 25/02/2023 23:38

It may be upsetting but as an adult he has to accept that's right.
She's 8. What is he doing day to day?

What could she do? She's doing 100% of parenting so burdening her further is unfair. He needs to do something. He can't just sit there and say woe is me.

He can go for enforcement now. But he is going to have to actually work at building things with his daughter

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OP I would suggest you ignore comments like these.

The other parent is supposed to actively encourage a relationship with the other parent. There seems to be some confused thinking on these boards as to what parenting should be.

BadNomad · 04/03/2023 11:12

I agree with some others. Her father isn't making enough effort to show her he cares. All that's happening is every two weeks she has to leave her home, family and life to "visit" her father, in his home, hours away, and under his rules. That lack of connection makes it just a chore she has to endure. It's not something to look forward to. If he genuinely cares about his relationship with his daughter then he will need to pretended he is interested in her all the time and not just on his weekends.

Changechangechanging · 04/03/2023 11:27

The other parent is supposed to actively encourage a relationship with the other parent

So when it's your child screaming, sobbing and saying she hates it at dad's house....what are you going to do? It's a really difficult situation to be in. On the one hand, understanding the relationship with dad is essential and believing it needs to be maintained. On the other, seeing the distress and worrying about whether something else is going on and how to pick through it to get to the truth without damaging relationships.

One of my most upsetting moments as a separated parent was lying to my then 4 year old who was refusing to go with dad by saying I would go you. I took his hand and got him to the door. The look of betrayal as he went off with dad will never leave me.

Talon01 · 05/03/2023 15:32

Changechangechanging · 04/03/2023 11:27

The other parent is supposed to actively encourage a relationship with the other parent

So when it's your child screaming, sobbing and saying she hates it at dad's house....what are you going to do? It's a really difficult situation to be in. On the one hand, understanding the relationship with dad is essential and believing it needs to be maintained. On the other, seeing the distress and worrying about whether something else is going on and how to pick through it to get to the truth without damaging relationships.

One of my most upsetting moments as a separated parent was lying to my then 4 year old who was refusing to go with dad by saying I would go you. I took his hand and got him to the door. The look of betrayal as he went off with dad will never leave me.

Your child was 4. At that age kids can be screaming the house down for 10 minutes and then back to normal 10 minutes later.

I've had the kids a bit upset in car coming over and then fine by the end of the journey.

IsabelK · 13/03/2023 17:08

Sorry no advise really, just to say I feel your pain. We have a very similar situation going on, but no court order to enforce it. You must be going through a lot with this, and I really feel for you both. It'll get better ❤️

Original poster

BMCx · 13/03/2023 20:18

IsabelK · 13/03/2023 17:08

Sorry no advise really, just to say I feel your pain. We have a very similar situation going on, but no court order to enforce it. You must be going through a lot with this, and I really feel for you both. It'll get better ❤️

Appreciate your message, nice to know we are not the only ones and it does happen- still going on now unfortunately.
best of luck in your situation too 💗

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