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Step-parenting

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Original poster

DH won't ever leave DSC home alone

43 replies

Homealonee · 23/12/2022 06:51

But also won't make them go out and do anything!!

We tend to have DSC most weekends, as they've gotten older contacts become quite flexible as they live down the road from us.

DSC1 is 13 and DSC2 12.

They seem to have turned into proper teens recently and rarely want to leave their room, always on calls with mates or playing games with them etc. I'm not bothered as it's up to their parents what they are allowed to do.

Except my husband refuses to ever leave them alone. They have been before when really needed to and they've been fine but for example if we ever want to do something at the weekend he'll say 'no because can't leave DSC by themselves for that long'.

Ermmm... Make them come then?? They'll pull a face no doubt but surely the option is they either come with us even if they don't want to or they stay home by themselves for a few hours? Not we just sit in all weekend so they don't have to do a single thing they don't want?

DH has started working a bit of overtime every now and then at weekend and he's the same then. I don't mind DSC staying when he's working if they choose to but I refuse to just sit in the house with our DC doing nothing so they can sit in their rooms all day. It's caused arguments between us.

Basically it boils down to he doesn't want to leave them alone but he also doesn't want to force them to do anything they don't want to do in case they want to stop coming as much now they are getting older.

I could and I do just go and do things myself but I'd like to take our DC out with my husband occasionally without this silliness around DSC being by themselves or being forced out.

DSC would be more than happy to be alone for a few hours btw! It's DH.

OP posts:

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MeridianB · 23/12/2022 07:32

dontpickupthemob · 23/12/2022 07:24

12 and 13 is not to young to be home alone during the day for a couple of hours!

I just asked DH and he said “of course they can be left alone” so i revise my earlier position. 🙂

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 07:33

DH insists on sitting in the house all day so DSC can sit in their room.

sounds like dh wants to sit in the house all day and this is a very convenient excuse. Have you tried giving your dh the list of fun activities to do with you children one saturday, and also the food shop list and to take your dc with him and suggest you sit home and watch movies with the sdc?

Believeitornot · 23/12/2022 07:35

Homealonee · 23/12/2022 07:24

This is exactly what I say we should do! Whenever he says we can't do X or Y because DSC are here and they can't be left alone.... Well make them come then?? It's like he thinks everyone's lives should run around DSC and not give and take like a normal family should be.

I remember doing all sorts of stuff when I was younger that I didn't want to do. No way would my parents have sat in the house so I didn't need to leave my screen all day.

Show quote history

It hard making them come along and sometimes you just don’t have the energy for the fight. But it doesn’t mean it never happens!
He could think of things that they might like as part of the outing? But ask him, what kind of childhood memories does he want them to have? Sitting in their rooms doing nothing with their dad??
Maybe he just doesn’t want to do anything either?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 23/12/2022 07:36

If he wants someone to sit at home with them while he is working then he organises a baby sitter. What does their mum think of the arrangement? Ask them if she leaves them home alone. Can you not just send them to their mum's if he is working and they don't want to go out with you?

Raoim · 23/12/2022 07:41

Its absolutely ridiculous to do nothing so dsc can stay home to play xbox.i have 5 dc ages 13,11,7,5and4.
It is difficult to find something that they will all want to do due to the age gap between youngest and oldest.If we go out for a meal we all go,if the littlest want to go to the park the older to will mostly stay home by themselves.We do plan days out that are suitable for them all where we all go to a theme park,recently winter wonderland,we also take them separately so me or dh will take the older 2 bowling or similar or the younger ones to a soft play ect.I would not be arranging everyone's activities around xbox.

GoodnightJude1 · 23/12/2022 07:48

I wouldn’t be having that OP.

Make your plans with your DC….invite DH and DSC and if they don’t want to come…leave them to sit in the house all day. When your DH is at work YOU make the rules…so make them get out of their bedrooms and go with you.

orbitalcrisis · 23/12/2022 07:51

Just do what you want to. They're not your children, if your husband wants someone to be home with them he'll have to stay home or organise a babysitter.

gogohmm · 23/12/2022 07:54

At those ages I would just go out, not all day but up to 3 hours not too far. They can make a sandwich or heat beans etc for lunch. Mine likes to stay home too, sometimes I let them but every 3 or 4 weeks I would insist they came

HairyKitty · 23/12/2022 08:01

If they are prone to quarrelling it would be normal to leave them in separate rooms and go out. No one stats home all weekend every weekend for this reason with their own kids. Unpopular as this may be, I think you are only in this situation because they are step kids, so (absent) Dad is expecting unreasonable standards.

Goldbar · 23/12/2022 08:20

You can't control what your DH/DSC do, but make it clear that you and your DC will not be spending your weekends sitting in the house.

If he's not around on their weekends, he needs to book a babysitter if he wants to ensure there is an adult in the house.

chocolateasaltyballs22 · 23/12/2022 08:28

What everyone else has already said. Plus, why on earth can they not sort their own food out at that age?

Yousee · 23/12/2022 12:30

The DSC, DH and his ex apparently all get to decide where and what goes on at the weekend and suit themselves.
I see no reason why you should not also make your own decisions. Absolutely no way I'd be pandering to this every bloody weekend.
It's crap for your DC if they never get to go anywhere fun with their dad but hey ho at least they sleep under the same roof 7/7, right? 😒

xmaslurgy · 23/12/2022 16:20

Go out with DC. Make memories. DC will wonder where their dad was - he can explain

GUARDIAN1 · 24/01/2023 18:13

I would tell DH very firmly that if he wants the kids babysat indoors he either does it himself or insists they stay with other parent if he's going to work. At their ages the DSC should just have to go out with you - but if their sulking would ruin your day, just take your own DC and let their dad sort them.

dianekeatonsocks · 26/01/2023 05:30

I’d leave them home when DH is and isn’t around
they are definitely old enough
& he should be making them join you all sometimes when you all go out
it’s not fair on your or your DC to let this ruin every weekend

thestepmumspacepodcast · 26/01/2023 14:22

My eldest DS and SD are similar ages (12&12). I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them alone for a long time at home.

We tend to chat about what everyone wants to do on the weekend and then try and make it work so we all get a bit of what we want.... this means we do a lot of days which are... family walk on beach, chill at home, (when me and DP can do something at home like gardening/podcast editing! or play games with kids), swimming, more chill time, have friends over with kids similar age and the kids and adults hang out.

We only have the big ones EOW though so on the wkends when it's just the little ones we can do things like the zoo or days out which the big ones wouldn't enjoy....

Whatifitallgoesright · 27/01/2023 07:02

Of course 12/13 yr olds can be left on their own. They should be capable of making themselves a snack. If your DH thinks they're going to keel over with hunger he should be teaching them how to cook and other important life skills. He's just a lazy fucker.

Toddlingturtle · 30/01/2023 08:38

They’re 12 & 13 perfectly fine for them to be home alone for a couple of hours while you do things with your other kids. They won’t care.

the gaming os unfortunately normal.

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